Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there. My eleven year old daughter is ASD high functioning and has just started high school. It’s not gone well and since October she’s not been able to attend for more than two hours a day. The school are helping her build back up. But since this she has started refusing to let me (her mother) out of the house. She will throw herself in front of the door and attack me if I try to leave. She will happily come with me but won’t allow me anywhere on my own. To be honest I’m now on anti depressants and scared to upset her. is this a common ASD trait? Is she genuinely afraid or just trying to control me? I’m afraid I will soon lose my job as I can’t go to the office
any advice welcome!
a therapist familiar with autism perhaps, then?
I leave her with her dad who she has a good relationship with but I am the one who is around her the most as he works long hours in the week
she is allowed to go out alone but is reluctant since starting secondary
She doesn’t know about my anti depressants so I don’t think this is a factor for her although she has seen me upset since she’s been refusing to go to school and we’ve both had a cry some days!
all good things to know about. It sounds like a basic communication kerfuffle.
I would like to know more. I'm feeling like there's a lot to unpack here.
some questions
when you make to go on your own who are you leaving her behind with?
It might be a person she may not feel safe with but cannot express this to you safely?
Is she allowed to go anywhere on her own?
Is she allowed to be alone?
Why do you mention the anti depressants? Is this a factor? perhaps she is frightened for you?
My son is 8yrs old and is asd, he has separation anxiety with me, not when leaving the home but when I leave him at the school drop off. He will cling on to me quite often. His therapist said it was because I am his safe person and he just feels protected when he’s with me. I wonder if your daughter is feeling the same?
When you go out, is she left completely alone? Maybe shes developed separation anxiety for some reason or autophobia
If shes getting bullied at school, she may be having a hard time being left without anyone because she is more vulnerable
I think she’s struggling to adjust and sensory stuff too - we’re only just learning what triggers her. She’s an only child and we’ve always been close but she’s never had an issue before with me going out
How about CBD oil, to calm her? There was a Mother from Castlederg, who had a son that age, and she campaigned for him to receive medical cannabis; her son has Autism too.
Why isnt she able to stay at school? Is she having trouble adjusting to high school, or is it sensory overwhelm, etc?
When I was her age, I would get agressive to control my mom. Not because I was trying to be mean but because I didnt know how else to do it. My dad would yell alot to get his way so I kind of learned that thats the only way people will listen. I struggle with explaining my emotions so if for example, I didnt want my mom to leave because I was scared, then instead of just telling her, I would probably start yelling and crying and maybe even start hitting if I was very upset.
I would try asking her what is going on, and maybe in those situations there could be some hidden reason that isnt so obvious. Maybe even thearopy could help, if shed be interested, although thearopy didnt fit well with me.