Feeling of difference

This is one of those questions where I think it very much depends upon the individual. It took me 40+ years to realise why I often struggled and didn't always feel like I fit in. With some people, I find it is less of an issue and doesn't affect me too much, particularly if I can find some common ground with them. With others, I definitely can feel like my difference is an issue.

In the main, I rather enjoy being different, as there are occasions when I don't want to fit in.

It is possible you do fit in somewhere but you just haven't found that place or community yet. Some people who do not know they are autistic until later in life finally experience that sense of 'fitting in' for the first time ever.

It is also possible that you are truly unique and that means your differences should be celebrated. Who wants to be like everyone else anyway?

I always felt like I didnt fit in with anyone but then when I made a friend who was so simular to me it was almost scary, I found out she was autistic and I looked into it. I was in tears from finally feeling like I fit somehow. But every once in a while, Ill see something thats like "autistic people struggle with x,y,z" then I think "oh wait I dont struggle with that, maybe I cant be autistic" then I end up feeling a bit depressed for some time because I dont seem to fit with NTs or NDs. I then just have to remind myself that its a spectrum and somethings wont affect me in the same way or to the same degree. And then I go over all the things that made me feel so seen with the autistic community then I feel fine again. Id say there are far more autistic traits I have over I dont have, but sometimes it can make me feel imposter-y.