Does anyone else feel comfortable by themselves but isolated at the same time?

I ALWAYS drive my own car so I can escape if I want to!! Works great for me too!

I am 57.

My family are all convinced I am not autistic - despite 3 different doctors diagnosing me! I have a few really good friends but am MOST uncomfortable around my family. My brother asked, “IF you are autistic- can’t they fix it?”  Omgoodness! You can’t “UN-stupid” people. Hahahaha!

For me…Family is who you have in your inner circle each day rather than blood relatives.  Alone scared me also - so I decided to trust that God has a plan and I try to relax and not worry about what is out of my control. This eliminates unnecessary anxiety - for me.

Meds DO help me regulate my impulsivity and filter (AUADHD). Life is much easier this way - for me.

I’d rather be lonely ALONE - than lonely and gossiped about when with my family. 

I am 57 and NEVER really cared about what others think. I know social norms but I live life on my terms - always have. The older I get the more I just TELL people I am autistic. I laugh at their ignorance when they say, “OH! You don’t look autistic.”  !!

Hi!

What are your interests? I am decades older than you but…  I have found it easier to “blend in” when I find a group interested in the same things I like. Even if not posted as an “autistic group” - I always spot people like me…quirky but open-minded!

In America we use MeetUp - an online way to search for people with same interests. I assume you have this also..?

I have joined book groups (yes, I am MUCH older! lol!). I joined a kayaking club - great fun! It’s a Great way to meet fun people - safely - with same interests.

As for enjoying my alone time… I picked up and flew to Europe and lived in Romania for a summer. My struggles are not with the unfamiliar… and I went alone. Was an amazing experience. If you enjoy being alone, travel! I’ve gone to many other countries alone. I socialize when I feel like it - and am quiet when I want to be. 

Find your strengths and if you are willing to try new things - you can be you, be different AND have fun!  Good luck!

I spend 90% of my time on my own. I live alone and work from home, I do maybe 1 social thing per week and will usually visit my sister and her kids for a few hours on top of that, but my social battery runs out fast especially around the children. 

I'd say most of the time I'm content being alone but there are times where I feel lonely and would like someone to talk to. It would be nice to have someone to cuddle at night too because I can feel quite scared being alone in my flat in the dark. 

All in all though, I think I have accepted that this is my life and I just have to be comfortable and get on with it. 

Its horrible isnt it I feel the same x

Yes, it's the classic "lonely loner" syndrome. I prefer being alone, but overly isolated myself and ended up with no one to turn to. This year I've made a few friends, though, so that side has improved. For me, that's become much easier to handle the older I've got (late 30s now). It was very difficult when I was younger.

The internet era helps. You can tour through YouTube, listen to a podcast, watch someone streaming on Twitch if you're feeling a bit lonely. Better than nothing, it can help!

My local autism charity does events to attend, too. I don't go to those, but for anyone struggling to "fit in" that's a good starting point. Although I'd suggest not worrying about fitting in at all and just to be yourself. 

I realised a while ago to stop trying to be normal and let some of the eccentricities out. People find you quirky, but most seem to like you for it. Although I do try and hang out with fellow introverts/nerds as much as possible.

Yes I really need time on my own but then when I am on my own I don't like it and alot of the time when I am with other people ie at work I struggle fitting in and feel even more alone

I'm quite happy spending a significant amount of time on my own. There are plenty of books, TV shows, music, etc to keep me entertained. I also enjoy political and history based podcasts and the familiar voices on them are a form of 'company' for me.

However, I love to spend time with my wife, and with a few close friends. I prefer to socialise in smaller group, when things are planned in advance though, and when I have an escape route if needed. Not a great fan of parties, especially if I only know a few people.

I can do 'small talk' but find it quite taxing. I prefer to have a decent conversation about something interesting with likeminded people.

Yes I feel alone even though with people all day at work as don’t feel understood or heard, I prefer one to one discussions where people can really get to

know me and i them, I can’t communicate in groups at all,  I’m quite ‘deep’ and have made some connections with people on same wave length but I do end up being a go to

for emotional support as I listen hard and am supportive but sometimes that can be a drain of my energy and I often think no one cares for me and question intentions as I’ve been vulnerable to being used a lot, I feel

very alone and misunderstood and because I really struggle with social things and noises environments if I do attempt to join in I just feel even more isolated and different, my family do not understand me and I’m left feeling shame if we encounter each other as I’m only met with impatience and misunderstanding from them, I’m exhausted of trying to educate them on my needs and encourage them to engage with me in a manner that makes me feel comfortable, I’m constantly surrounded by people through having to work but I feel completely alone. I get very scared as my dad was autistic and dealt with loneliness through self medication which led to his early death.

Yes feel very uncomfortable,but same time lonely would like friends 

Oh tulip, I resonate with how you feel so much. I'm 55 year old woman, of similar mind and opinion. 

I am irritated by most people and their expectations, and it's laughable that we are seen as the weird ones.  

It might seem like there is pressure to have a lot of friends, but I think the average person (I'm talking in general terms) only has a handful of people during their lifetime that they would consider to be true friends. I'd rather have quality friendships over quantity.

Yes i feel the same. I have learnt to accept it. People are irritating me, i cant deal with their constant talking. Someone asked me today, will i be wearing a christmas jumper? No, i said, i dont do things like that. I am going to be working on buildng a home for a family in a toy house that i inherited. Im 59 years old  and finally doing what i want to do  and letting people know with no embarrassment or shame. Today people were nosey. Is it just that i say what i mean and dont sugar coat it? I think im suffering with sensory overload at the moment. I am coming to the conclusion that most people are fake. 

So right now, alone is good, at least better than false company. 

The problem i experience with aloneness is the chattet in my head.....

I feel like in today's society there is a lot of pressure to have loads of friends and be out clubbing etc, but reality is not everyone does that. Sometimes you can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. My worst fear is being alone. I feel the same as you do a lot of the time, even when I am smiling and trying to join in conversations

every second of every day. even with someone im comfortable with, they dont understand what i go through and i feel just as alone as when they arent there 

Yes, onwards and upwards 

In that case, I'm happy you're relishing the freedom to be your authentic self and free yourself of those shackles.

I hope I won't cause offence to anyone by mentioning gender, but I know that for far too long, it was frowned upon for males to express their emotions, particularly when feeling sad, depressed, etc.

It's exciting too, like being a kid in a candy shop (for the first time also) at times too, potentially+hopefully  I'm glad to hear you're aware you feel sad and lonely as opposed to unaware (suppressed, repressed, numb, disconnected, desensitised, tuned out etc like I've tended to be so far), if you see what I mean