Published on 12, July, 2020
I was fired up last night (which continued on to this morning) and decided to type up some apology 'letters' for the friends that I let down and hurt. I just put all my feelings down and didn't let myself get bogged down by grammar and sentence structure in the way I would have done in the past. I've talked about how bad I felt, the things I realise were hurtful to them and how much I want to do better.
I tried to approach it from a perspective of "I'll write this to get my feelings down but I won't send it". Maybe I will one day, but I do fear that it will make things worse.
I reached out to a few a couple months ago but didn't hear back. Probably because the message I wrote was so pathetically vague that it didn't display any actual learning. It was literally me going "I really valued our friendship and would be keen to have a conversation".
For you as an individual, what do you consider to be an apology that you would accept?
Just to pick up on this again. I've gotten some apology messages together to a level I'm happy with. I feel they tick the boxes of a 'good' apology.
It has been 6 months. I want to go into it with no expectations but I don't think I'm quite prepared for the outcome not being what I want.
I mean, I'll definitely do it before the year is out, cos if it is the end I'd rather it be the case this year. I guess I feel like I need to get control of my emotions and get a job first - not only will I have more to talk about should the opportunity arise but it will be less like I'm 'relying' on this.
I know I'm overthinking it.
Towards the end of the year might not be a bad idea, as the recipients may be looking forwards rather than backwards. They may be more willing to put the events of this year behind them and make a fresh start in the new year.
See if you can put the messages out of your mind for the next few weeks and then look at them afresh just before sending.
I don't want to let my emotions get the better of me and send them at a time where I'll come to regret it afterwards.
I was thinking the period between Xmas or New Year maybe.
I still look at them occasionally to see if there's any important things I can add, but yeah I think you're right. I have little control over my emotions currently and it would probably not be a very good time to do it.
That sounds like a good plan.
You've done everything you can at this stage. You have the messages prepared and a plan about when to send them. Now you can focus your mind on other things.
Hopefully by the time you come back to the messages in late December you will have less of an emotional response to them.