What helps you with releasing anger/dealing with PDA?

Kate Kestrel said:

Could you write her a letter? Explaining how this is making you feel and how hard it is for you to cope right now?

I put together a whole written guide for both her and my dad. I thought I'd simplified it well enough but after 3 months of much reduced pressure, it started up again.

It's hard to know what the solution is because I keep hitting a brick wall every time I try to address it.

I’m sorry that your mum is struggling to understand how this is for you. I have two sons - both in their twenties - and one lives at home with me and my husband. I feel very lucky to have him with us and we get on well the vast majority of the time. He left college about 2 years ago due to mental health issues and he doesn’t feel able to tackle looking for work. He has ocd, anxiety, and selective mutism - so it’s really hard for him. I think because I’m also autistic I can really relate to how he feels (his brother is autistic too) - so we all are understanding about how hard it can be to deal with ‘the world out there’. I learnt with my eldest that sometimes our children just don’t want to talk - and often mothers feel that talking about stuff will always help. But sometimes people aren’t ready for that. 
obviously I don’t know your mum but I imagine that she loves you so much and I’d ps just worried about you, and wants you to have a fulfilling life. In her mind you getting a job is a big part of that probably. She probably feels fearful about your future and your ability to earn a living and afford a home etc etc. All the pressure she is putting on you probably stems from her love and concern for you. I think you need to try and communicate with her - I know you’ve tried but I think it’s the only way really. Could you write her a letter? Explaining how this is making you feel and how hard it is for you to cope right now? Most mothers love their children so much and just want desperately to help, but we often get it wrong, and we often just don’t know what to do to help. And after there is fear for the future in the mix too. 

Kate Kestrel said:

Could you talk to your mum/family about how pressured you’re feeling and how you really need them to ease off the pressure? Can you open up to them about how you’re feeling? Hopefully they would understand and be supportive.

I've done this and it really doesn't seem to get through to them. I often feel like I need to have a big meltdown in front of them for them to stop with the pressure because nothing else has really worked.

I go cycling occasionally, it's the only form of exercise I find myself really enjoying. 

Have you tried some form of exercise? Running? Press ups or gym type exercise? Something that will use up all your energy in your body and leave you exhausted? By the way your frustration is entirely understandable. Could you talk to your mum/family about how pressured you’re feeling and how you really need them to ease off the pressure? Can you open up to them about how you’re feeling? Hopefully they would understand and be supportive. 

Living independently would help but without a job that's going to be extremely difficult to finance. If anything that could be a positive motivational factor for you.

If you have been looking for 8 years maybe its time to accept that your ideal job doesn't exist in your area.

There's no easy answers unfortunately.

It seems I've been trying to have that conversation with my parents for 8 years. I've said time and time again that I am unwilling to work a job I really don't like, but they ignore me anyway. I worked for a while (it was freelance but it was still work) and the first thing they said after I completed a week was "now you need to find a permanent job" and that made me feel pretty crap. Like nothing I do was ever enough.

I might run away occasionally and then she'd guilt trip me and turn on the waterworks, complaining that her kids don't want to talk to her, but then she did say that something went wrong in my brain when I was born as recently as a year ago... she might have been angry for whatever reason but I tried bringing that up last week and she couldn't remember so insisted that I was lying.

I feel like I need some kind of outlet to release everything; I've got a lot on my shoulders that is basically staying there.

When stress levels are heightened the level of trigger needed to tip into a meltdown is greatly reduced. You understand what your triggers are, so you can take action to avert that response.

Next time your mum tries to bring up the subject of finding work then why not follow your instinct and literally run away before those feelings have a chance to escalate. Go to wherever is a safe space for you.

Once calm you could try explaining to your mum how that is a trigger for you at the moment, although she may not be receptive. You need to protect yourself first and foremost. When it comes to meltdowns prevention is better than cure, as the saying goes.

Obviously the work issue cannot be shelved forever but it's something that needs to be led by you and at your own pace. If you have pda tendencies then external pressure is likely to have the opposite effect.

Exercise and stimming can help release some of that excess 'fight' energy from your 'fight or flight' response.

HMO said:

I have been considering finding something like a rage room or anything I can do to release that frustration that continues to build up but I don't know what I can do.

ahhh this is where i again point out thats martial arts your looking for. 
martial arts provides you that rage room where you can smack around a punch bag lol