What helps you with releasing anger/dealing with PDA?

I understand this logic to long term get away from people being negative, but really it is difficult to run a home on a single wage or just on benefits alone, it's not like it was back in the day. I had to try keep a roof over my head at 22 on a 0 hour contract and unstable benefits, it was a living hell, I already had bad mental health before that point but the struggle to go it alone made it all x100 worse.
Youngsters now need a lot of support in place if they are eventually going to land on their feet sucessfully independant.

I was so angry at being controled i moved out at 16 then lived on own when22 i had wild adventures

Its your private bussiness they carnt wrap you in cotton wool forever you need to make mistakes to grow and live your life 

Try som martial arts and go dancing and cycling thats what i did at your age and it helped so mutch then went in army to satisfy my urge to do stuff that your everday person wont or carnt do

Anything media related tends to be my thing. I have experience in the TV industry but am not tied to it. 

HMO said:

Something that I enjoy, isn't mentally taxing and I can do in my sleep (more-or-less). 

What do you enjoy that is something you can see a job being connected to?

The other two criteria are hard to get anyone to pay for unfortunately but there is a chance we can find a suggestion for an interest based role.

Iain said:

From what you know in life, what job would be perfect for you and why?

Something that I enjoy, isn't mentally taxing and I can do in my sleep (more-or-less). 

It's really difficult because I don't understand why I get so irrationally angry to the point I do want to hurt myself (or someone else) over something trivial. Of course it doesn't feel trivial to me but I know it wouldn't have bothered me to this extent when I was younger and I'm not good at pushing back against something I'm not really happy with or keen on.

I don't know what would ever work with my parents, whenever I politely ask that they pack it in with something, something else arises instead. It is constant and I seem to constantly come up against the same obstacle and have done for about 8 years now. 

It has gotten to the point where they're beginning to ask me about what I spoke about in therapy which is extremely frustrating, as I just don't feel comfortable disclosing it.

Iain said:

The bad news is that most jobs have a significant amount of being miserable in them, at least to some degree.

Word

HMO said:

It's not that I don't want to work, it's that I'd rather not if it means I'll be miserable.

The bad news is that most jobs have a significant amount of being miserable in them, at least to some degree.

Until you build up the skills to be able to get a job where you are important enough to avoid the miserable bits then you have to slog through it like the other 99% of humanity.

I'm afraid there is no way to sugar coat it. People who say you can find a job that is perfect for you without skills, experience or an advanced education are likely to be telling porky pies.

If you can find a way to accept that this is part of the process then you may be able to move on and accept it.

From what you know in life, what job would be perfect for you and why?

I think so, changing my perspective on it is still a work in progress some days, if I am feeling tired or feel like the reminder is derailing something equally important I already had planned or am doing it can be a bit of a gear grind with the autistic inertia which makes the PDA feel worse.
Something else I found that helped is to use soft/flexible deadlines for stuff whenever possible so it's an option to put it off until I find my own natural gap in stuff to do to fit it in. And for the hard deadline stuff to put an old school calendar on my wall and get myself and others to put all the things I need to do on there with at least a week time of notice so I can mentally prepare myself for the day my routine is a bit different.
It's important that people know I need a certain amount of notice, and that anything short of that they should just do themself if they think doing extra stuff at short notice is so easy. That's something I had to get my other half to agree to as a hard rule to help me manage better executive function.
Another reason that might help is I found the silent adding to calendar much better than if I got verbally (socially) interupted whilst I'm in a focus tunnel on something else because having people tap me on the shoulder to talk to me when I have headphones on is like an innertia nightmare for me.
I am not super angry anymore these days but I think I understand what you mean by "My mum can't tell me to do anything now (I'm 26 and still living at home) without me feeling like I want to break something."  I still feel the shock of that derailment, I had one derailment feel like it fried my brain as I got booted out of my focus tunnel far too quick and I couldn't get into people talking mode on that click of a switch speed so my own verbal reply bottlenecked and sounded like an old dial-up noise tbh.

As far as your parents are concerned maybe try to reach some agreement, say you'll really try but you need them to meet you in the middle and do it in a way that you can build up that ability slow and steady over time, an analogy I used to help people understand better has been to say it's like when people are in too much of a rush to pull away that they come off the clutch too fast before the gas is at the bite point and it causes the car to stall. you can't pull out of the drive until the bite point is all good.

I wish I could just not overthink and not dwell on the past but it seems everything I've tried (bar distracting myself) hasn't really worked.

That's interesting. I'm guessing it feels a lot better this way.

I logically tell myself I've probably asked for this reminder to do whatever it is and therefore it is my idea to do it, and not theirs so yes I can do it primarily for myself and not for them, even if they secondhand benefit from me doing the thing.

I can understand it - because my own parents were very damaging to me too. Obviously every situation is different - every family unique. But I’ve had many years trying to recover from growing up in a very dysfunctional family. It’s more subtle than ‘good’ or ‘bad’ though - and if someone currently isn’t able/doesn’t feel ready to leave the family home at this point then the only positive action is to see if things can be improved in some way. It’s worth trying - especially if moving out isn’t possible right now. 
My own parents caused me a lot of emotional pain and distress which had a long lasting impact on me, and at times I went ‘no contact’ with them - just for my own sanity. But I wasn’t really happy with that either - and my parents were very good grandparents to my children - and my children enjoyed seeing them. So I came to a compromise where I could keep some contact - but in such a way that I largely protected myself from their toxic behaviours. Everyone has to make their own decisions and find their own way in a situation like this. But it’s always worth considering all options. 

My parents were really, really toxic. When I left home I was not in the best of shapes, but I improved immensely as soon as I was away from their influence. I know that you cannot understand it, but not all parents are good people and some are just bad. You won't get any better if you are forced to interact every day with a bad person.

If you can face it HM025, this is great advice for Caelus...if not marial arts....something else to physically drain you and allow you to let-loose a little.

A lot of people struggle to cry - even though they feel they need to - it’s not uncommon. I think your worries about manipulating people by showing your emotions etc are not something you need to be concerned about.  Ultimately you have every right to express how you feel - and you can’t really control how other people respond to that, Try not to overthink it - just be honest. As to people online having opinions about you: well people always will have opinions but you don’t have to take them seriously. 
And setbacks are normal - we all have them at some point, so don’t worry too much about that. There’s always another day to have a fresh start - let the past go, try not to dwell on it. 

I never allowed myself to be fully vulnerable in front of my friends either. I never cry - not that I don't want to but I've just bottled it up for so long I've become numb. It's the same thing - I worry if I cry in front of someone I am manipulating them. I know I wouldn't think the same if they do it.

I keep feeling like I need things to get to a level where I can't go any longer and it's a last resort because that's the only thing that'll push me but I don't want things to actually get to that stage. The fallout would probably be more painful.

When you have to read comments online about you where people think you're lying about being autistic (whether I deserved it or not) it leaves you feeling ashamed of being autistic. I thought I was beginning to accept it but I've had the setback. 

You’re incredibly eloquent on here - I’m sure you can do this. It’s not ‘manipulating them’ - it’s just opening up and being honest with them. It takes courage to be open.  Show them your vulnerability - don’t be afraid to do that. Use your voice - If they can’t respond honestly to that then that’s on them - not on you - but at least you’ll have tried to make that connection with them. It’s worth a try. Be proud of who you are, don’t  apologise for finding life hard. Being autistic is far from easy - give yourself credit for what you’ve achieved - however humble those achievements might seem to others. Sometimes it’s a struggle for me just to get through the day - and I give myself credit for doing that, even though others might look on and say “that’s easy”. But it’s not easy for me. I feel no shame about that anymore. You shouldn’t either, you’re young and you’ve got a lot of life to live. Lots of good things lie in your future - so keep hopeful and take courage :)