Published on 12, July, 2020
This is mainly me just venting and most probably oversharing, I know it’s thought that meltdowns are uncontrollable with autistic people, I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s when it would have just been seen as ‘bratty’ behaviour and severely dealt with. I learnt to know when things were too much and channeled feelings into a shutdown, it was less noticeable, not talking for days was just looked at as sulking.
For the first time in a long while, I couldn’t stop a meltdown, it was all from allowing other people to ‘push my buttons’, I’m dealing with the sale of our house at the moment, the questions from the buyers solicitors have been non stop, I did my best to answer everything, my wife then had an appointment at the hospital which was sudden as someone else had cancelled, I didn’t have time to prep for a large waiting room full of people with no sound deadening. The final part of the day was another round of questions from a solicitor and then being told by a family member, “ why do you overthink everything?” The house was empty of people later in the day, I can’t remember much but looking in the wheelie bin, I need to buy some new crockery, at least only crockery was hurt.
Meltdowns are rubbish but I hope you're in a better place now.
Thanks for your reply Billy, it means a lot to me, nice to see you back. I do get the punching, it is timed and rhythmic, the timing brings back regulation.
Sorry to hear you had a meltdown Roy. I was close to one today but I managed to surpress it by just punching myself in the leg until it passed. Its so difficult. Just know your not alone, and you are doing better than you think you are. We are all here for you
Hi, as I said, a meltdown isn’t very common for me. You are correct about the amount of energy they drain. I couldn’t imagine holidaying with not so much the autistic people, add allistic people into the equation and it then gets very confusing. The fact is that autistic people just need space, quiet and structure. I went out today for a haircut, not most probably the best idea, someone who we sort of know said,” hello, nice weather,” I just couldn’t understand the comment, would I say “ Hi, blonde hair.” It’s just stating the obvious.
He is a batchelor on his own so he pleases himself and yes he does have b*lls as he also recently tackled an escaping shop-lifter at our local supermarket.
Roy said:unfortunately no one stood out in the crowd. No one dared.
That would depend entirely how far one will allow him/herself to be pushed. I had to tolerate the continual harassment received by all in military boot camp. Fortunately, I had already developed a mask that allowed me to shut out such extreme duress---unlike the trooper standing next to me who threw a punch landing on the shouting drill sergeant's chin. He was immediately dragged away and discharged from the military as undesireable. I anticipated this sort of treatment and needed to prove to myself I could take it with a grin ---that only made it worse for myself, but I quickly learned.
I think your neighbour just has the b*lls to do what the rest of us have the urge to do and want to do! But then just as the printer is about to get tossed, we think, how will I get another printer/monitor/DVR recorder/base unit/coffee table?? too exhausting! too tiring!
Plus, what if the printer/monitor/base unit/coffee table lands on top of one of the screeching kids that just strayed in to your garden?????!
I hear you. To some it might sound trivial but having haircuts is really stressful and can send you over the edge, everything about it is wrong somehow. It's something you never get used to, or should I say, become okay with. I dread it weeks before an appt is looming!
Sorry about your wife's situation with her eye, sounds nasty and painful, things like that can be life-changing if they can't be remedied. I've moved an even greater distance in the past, so I understand what a logistical nightmare it is (many many many meltdowns!). Cornwall sounds like it will be worth it though in the end. I think we all dream of Cornwall! or somewhere very similar!
Sending good wishes to you both , hope you manage to take your foot off the gas for a little while and get your breath back.
My next door neighbour throws printers out of his upstairs window when they do not work. He recently ripped out a base unit and threw its contents and the torn apart unit out of his back doorway entrance--- Tsk, tsk. He's a perfectionist and over-reacts when things do not go right. Perhaps he too is on the spectrum?
Hi, my wife is okay, she has had a bleed behind one of her eyes, it was being treated until the doctors strikes which meant she had no appointment for 2 months. She has now had a large bleed and lost sight in the eye, angiogram next week and then laser treatment. That’s why the emergency appointment was so important and short notice.
Mums in the 70’s just knew how to pinch the skin under an upper arm and in public make it look like nothing was happening. House moving is very stressful, we are moving over 200 miles away to Cornwall. We are having a weekend off from house issues, I had a pre booked barbers appointment this morning, that hasn’t helped matters to be honest.
Thanks, my wife did say she was going to chuck most of the crocks anyway. The masking does seem to be harder recently, I don’t really care what the humans think of me anymore. Seems strange to think that being autistic was punished at school, there was about 500 children at my school, at least 5 would have been autistic, unfortunately no one stood out in the crowd. No one dared.
I too seem to have lost my ability to suppress and internalise a meltdown. I somehow acquired the ability to do that during primary school, after several years of being repeated punished for them. However now when I'm triggered it's coming out regardless. The best I can aim for these days is to get to a safe place before the worst of it.
I believe that the monumental effort that suppression takes becomes increasingly more difficult as we age. Maybe it is also part of the demasking process that we no longer have to suppress.
Moving is incredibly stressful so go easy on yourself. Looking on the bright side at least the crockery will be one less thing to pack when you move and you won't have to worry about it breaking in transit.
I am so sorry that the combination of events yesterday was just enough to trigger a meltdown. From my perspective, just dealing with the solicitor's questions sounds stressful enough, without everything else you had to contend with.
Whilst it's rare for me to have a full-scale meltdown, I discovered many, many years ago that small plastic plant pots were rather good to stamp on (when having a meltdown), and a heck of a lot cheaper to replace than crockery.
Anyway, I hope today will be a better day for you.
Hi. As others have said house moving is stressful, especially with other challenges added. I ended up having to take time out after ours.
The phrase 'why do your overthink?' winds me up too. As an autistic person it is how I prepare for every eventuality and can have its benefits.
Hoping all goes well with the move and you get some time to relax.
It was all those things Roy, the unfamiliar, and also the unexpected, piling up until... snap!
Amidst all the chaos of 5 autistic people and 3 NTs struggling to make any coherent plans, I just wanted the weather to be predictable- which it refused to be!
It was horrible at the time. Thing with meltdowns is that they're so exhausting, they always seem to take a lot.
I hope you're ok
Thanks Pegg, it often is just that last ‘turn of the screw’. I imagine your meltdown with it raining was because you wanted to photograph something, holidays are always stressful, strange surroundings, noises and smells. Being with a partner full time for days on end can also grate in the end.
Thank god *you* weren't hurt (not physically anyway, mentally it's stinging). You've got a bunch of massive stressors all together at once, not surprising you're buckling under the strain. Comments like that are not helpful. House sale is horrible at the best of times, and solicitors not something you can really stall or put off for a bit. Plus the whole upheaval of a new location & house looming.
Me too (70s & 80s) You'd have got a clip for the slightest infraction. Me too on the sulking, I was referred to as 'sullen' and punished for it. I'm not sure I'd interpret it as allowing people to push your buttons (as if you're at fault - you're NOT), NTs would be going off the deep-end dealing with so much at once, so for an autistic person, doubly triggering. Sounds like tempers are frayed at the moment, especially with your wife having to go to hospital.
How're you getting on this morning, can you get a breather yet from the house stuff? How's your wife doing?
Sorry to hear you had a meltdown Roy. The unexpected can be triggering, especially if it's there's a lot of it, and selling your house can be very stressful at the best of times. I hope you're feeling ok now.
Sometimes I feel a bit baffled afterwards, like What was that all about? I had a major meltdown on holiday, basically because it rained... well, there was more to it than that, but that was the final thing...