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I just want it all to end, but I am also scared of dying. Feeling trapped

NAS80873

My life is falling apart. I am a delusional, broken failure. 

A lot of struggle and failing which also led to a lot of self loathing and hatred. 

Single most of my life, just been made redundant and the whole unmasking (AuDHD) at 45 isn't any fun. 

I have friends, which tbh, makes the whole ending it even harder. But they will leave me / forget me soon enough. I just need to deactivate my FB account and just stop socialising. 

Life sucks so much and it is unfair. 

I am apparently very intelligent, but that doesn't' help. Some say I am pretty, but that doesn't help either. 

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  • in reply to LongFerret

    I didn't spot your reply until now (I clearly don't monitor it all diligently enough Upside down ) . I've had a go at ringing Samaritans in my past and gone to their offices in person a few times too. I'm glad I tried it but am more attracted to trying the chat or email way of communicating with them perhaps, in the future. I remember first trying ringing Samaritans in the late 1990s so there was no chat or maybe not even email option in those days.

  • in reply to Allyboo

    Hey Allyboo, good to hear from you, it's tough-going isn't it. I don't know about anyone else, but on the occasions I've contacted Samaritans when I've been at crisis point I've had really weird interactions, (on chat, or by email as I can't speak on the phone). The emails were these weird garbled mish mashes of pre-done scripts like they'd been run through a bot? It put me off contacting em after that. It just made me feel more worthless like I wasn't even worth a sensible response! Maybe other people have had a better experience?