Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
Since my diagnosis about 10 years ago (as a mature adult), none of my close relatives, (including those that are now deceased, my own mother for example), have ever engaged with me on being autistic. The few that are still alive will not even say the word, and have never said it, not once. They ignore the whole thing. I only communicate by email nowadays due to a number of problems, and if I mention how my autism is affecting me in some way, or some aspect of it, even just in passing, they wholesale ignore it, like I never said anything! I find this just bizarre.
I also find this to provoke a number of things, I find it pretty hurtful, confusing, depressing & insulting to be honest. But there's not much I can do about it. I either accept this dynamic, or have no contact at all (from their end).
Has anyone experienced similar? Or experiencing similar? I'd be interested to hear.
Good wishes
Hello LongFerret.
Yes, everything you have written above is my life experience too. I have made peace with it - as a fact of my life.....along with autism. I do mention my "differences in mode of thinking, perception and communication" when it is pertinent to do so, but I choose not to mention autism at those times because it would not help to convey the important message I am divulging at those times.
Unlike you, I do not generally find it hurtful, upsetting, depressing nor confusing that my particular challenges and reality are not regularly name-checked with autism. I do not wish to discuss my autism with people who cannot understand......I have this place for that sustenance, understanding, advice support and companionship.
I understand what you're saying Number, however, to my mind, the problem is that you can't choose your family, in other words you're stuck with them, and this means you're constantly trying to find a path through somehow, unless you simply cut them out of your life for good, but that is a very hard road. (One which I did try to stick with for many years).
I don't really know how a person would, make peace with it.
Also, I deliberately mention to them about autism, if it happens to come up for me. It took five hard years to get my diagnosis on top of a long long time in and out of MH services & I'm not going to suppress or deny who I am.
In some respects I am stuck accepting them for who they are, even though they won't accept me for who I am.
You are very welcome. I agree with you - best to ask, straight off the bat. The fact that we autists can "ask and answer" questions here that might be deemed "weird" or "forward" or "challenging" in the NT world is one of the most lovely aspects of this place, in my opinion. It takes a great deal of "stewing" out of the equation for everyone.
Kindest regards.
Hey, no problem, language can be tricky at the best of times. Better to ask than stew over what you perceive might be happening! I think we can all fall in to that trap sometimes.
Thanks for clarifying
No - it is neither a veiled criticism of your situation nor is it an endorsement of mine.
I am merely reporting my circumstances, feelings and reality.
Sorry for causing any confusion about this with my intractable and/or excessively blunt writing style.
You are very fortunate.
"I don't put conditions upon them beyond that"
"I don't need them to agree with a label nor other construct" -
Is this a veiled critisism? i.e. you think I want my family members to agree to the 'label' of autism?? I certainly hope that is not what you are saying...
LongFerret said:even though they won't accept me for who I am.
Thankfully, I do not consider this to be the case for me. They have always accepted me for who I am. It is only I who failed to accept myself until I discovered and accepted that I am autistic.
The fact that I am autistic is a fact that is more important to me than it is for my nearest and dearest. This is a situation that I am very used to. It is important to me that I know that only 14% of bear attacks on humans are fatal.......but you try getting other people interested about such facts.
I remain close to my small circle of nearest and dearest. I am accepted. I don't put conditions upon them beyond that. I don't need them to agree with a label nor other construct.