Published on 12, July, 2020
What has helped you?
Age? I'm 26 but I feel older and younger at the same time.
I want to go back to how I was prior to my teenage years. I've internalised a lot of not very nice things. I'm working through it in therapy.
It's weird. I don't care what people think about my (somewhat uncool) interests but I do care what they think about my appearance and personality.
I do want people to like me but I will admit to taking that and running a mile.
As a child I didn't give much thought to what other kids thought about me. I had my mum and my older sister and they both thought I was number 1, and my sister said if I knew I was number 1 then no one else could take that away from me. It stuck with me, right up until middle school.
Suddenly I started caring when the other kids were horrible to me. It hurt when girls laughed at my hair and what I was wearing. I started to try and copy the "popular" girls and I hated myself, I became so self conscious and self destructive.
I'm still shy after all this. I'm very self conscious and I don't mix with people if I can help it because it causes me a lot of unwanted anxiety.
I think back a lot to my childhood that was mostly carefree and fun. Looking back is something I do a lot and I know, if I could I would go back to then in a heartbeat.
Yep I'm the same. Tried all sorts to fit in and nothing really worked.
I think a lot of that baggage I had affected my friendships quite badly. I self destructed there and I didn't reach out for support either.
I have probably become more anxious in the last few months.