Smalltalk on WhatsApp groups

I cannot stand mass WhatsApp groups and so removed myself from one, and got Oc Health support to be removed from work based groups. The constant messages from up to 50 people on the work group was frying my brain.

I've had to deal with this as a manager to a neurotypical in the past so not quite the same situation that you are in but it may help.

Think about how you would appreciate someone coming up to you and telling you that you smell. Not in an insulting way but pointing out that you may not realise it but it is not very nice for those around you.

Use this thought to consider a way to frame it that isn't insulting but as respectul as possible.

In my situation I had a meeting (in which the smell of clothes that had not been washed for weeks was quite unpleasant) and I asked him to stay back for a minute after the meeting.

I said "I don't know if you are aware but your clothes are giving off quite a bad smell. It is becoming quite noticable and I didn't know if you were aware. If you can give them a wash it should take care of it.

Then I asked if he needed any help with the situation - turned out he was broke and was crashing at a friends but had no access to a washing machine. I ended up giving him the money to go to a laundrette to wash what he had and some more cash to get a second set of clothes so he could wash all is stuff.

He was grateful as he didn't realise the smell had becomne so strong - living in it desensitises your sense of smell.

I got him an advance on his pay to get him to a point he could afford his own flat to rent (he was a contractor) and he really straightened himself up - possibly knowing he had support at work or maybe that was coincidence but he was a loyal, hard working consultant.

Anyway - back to your situation.

In your shoes I would say something like "I don't know if you are aware but your personal hygiene is not really working and you are starting to smell bad - I know you may not realise it but I thought you would want to know before anyone makes any rude comments to you."

Depending on the nature of the smell (eg sweaty) they may have a condition where normal deodourant does not work for them or they are allergic to it, or even some people don't "believe" in deodourant, thinking it is out natural smell and should be embraced. You may want to do a little reading on this and know a bit about the altternatives (eg using lime to scrub the armpits) so you can at least have an informed discussion to show you are not judging them.

If the smell is more of a bathroom variety then this is a much trickier as it could be from a range of embarrasing conditions or worse - just lack of care when wiping their butts. This is a conversation I have not had to have thank goodness and I would struggle to come up with an approach,

If it is unwashed clothes then a variant of the conversation about BO can be used - maybe they don't have a washing machine yet but a frank and non judgemental conversation should work.

If it is bad breath then the same conversation can be used.

Lastly, remember that if they are autistic then you need to clearly lay out the issues in a factual, non judgemental way and offer some advice on practical solutions. If you are brave enough offer to help with more advice IF they want it then once you have explained it and they are not a weeping ball on the floor then keep your end of the agreement.

Maybe write it down - recommend products, suggest frequencies and when to apply (ie deodourant AFTER a shower and AFTER you are dry - rub around the armpit for 3 seconds in a circular motion so you cover an area about the size of an orange.

If it is dental then find a YouTube video on good brushing technique. If it is clothes then find a beginners guide to washing clothes and reading labels to avoid shrinking / dying stuff.

The chances are they will really appreciate the support as this is quite possibly one of those life skills that don't get trained at school and there is no simple handbook for so they never quite get it.

I've rambled on long enough - that's what you get for asking for advice LoL

Err, I have a fleeting interest if someone close to me. Otherwise scroll past to the important stuff.

NTs seem to need it, so let 'em be with it.

Yay !  

I will never stop

Good for you Sparkles.
Keep sharing.

I'm one of those people. I love to share things I'm interested in it makes me excited to tell people

Actually, lots of Members here on NAS actually do the same thing.
Will they irritate you also ?

Hi somebody help me deal with a situation in work.  I work with a lovely person who has really bad personal hygiene.  He is autistic and very lovely but the hygiene is very bad.  How do i get him without upsetting him to understand and what he needs to do to be clean in the office.  I have tried but it has not worked:) any help would be appreciated