Published on 12, July, 2020
I hate having ASD. I’ve found no positives with it at all. No matter how hard I try to move forward it feels like ASD, me, knocks me back several steps when I try to go forward by one. Nobody likes me. I’ve tried being myself. I’ve tried masking, I’m not good at masking and I guess that must show. I make people uncomfortable. Half the time it feels like my family don’t like me much, I try to be a nice person, kind, supportive. And yet here I am at 27 single, no friends and just here existing on the journey of life. I tried working, again. Disaster, again. I always start off OK but eventually it’s like everything catches up with me, I get tired, and I mean very tired. Fatigue like nothing I’ve had before. Muscles hurt. Nausea, dizziness, mouth ulcers... WTF? I go to the GP, tests are ran... I’m fine. Seriously right now?? How am I fine lol I feel like sh*t 98% of the time. Guess it’s just an ASD thing. I get pretty bad anxiety so that’s probably it as well, so my GP says anyway, OK fair enough but like they can’t offer any advice on how best to tackle it. It’s a lonely world having ASD. I’m 27 and this is my LIFE, possibly for another year, maybe 50+ more years... right now it’s OK, I have my parents, my sister and brothers but one day they won’t be here anymore and then it’s me. What then? I can’t work, OK I can, but until my body ceases up and that’s bad, very bad it costs me every job I’ve had so far... when I was 13 I dreamt by now I would be working, have kids, be married, be driving... I’ve not got any of that. I’ve never come close to any of it, people hate me and I mean HATE. Even my brothers and sister don’t like me. My parents do, I’m lucky from that side of things but everyone else really dislikes me. My sister said I sponge off our parents, not true, I’m trying to work I have given it my all but my sister accuses me of faking illness so I stay home... not true... I am trying my hardest to overcome the ASD hurdles but not had any success so far. Guess I feel a little lost now, that’s why I thought I would join this site see if anyone can help me overcome all this because right now I have no idea what to do to get over this.
Sparkles said:Nobody likes me. I’ve tried being myself. I’ve tried masking, I’m not good at masking and I guess that must show. I make people uncomfortable
While it is nice to be authentic, if this makes people uncomfortable then you have 2 choices:
1 - stop being around people who are not decent enough to accept your authentic self (not easy at work).
2 - learn to mask better by working out what it is you do that makes them uncomfortable and adapting your behaviour (ie masking better, not harder).
Sparkles said:I get tired, and I mean very tired. Fatigue like nothing I’ve had before.
This is autistic burnout from the sounds of it. You need to learn ways to recharge and minimise the things that cause it.
If you can conquer these 2 issues then the rest of your life has more chance of appearing to be normal although you are always going to need to have ways to keep your mental energy levels replenished.
To help with the social interaction and masking I recommend reading and following the advice in this book:
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Grandin, Temple, Barron, Sean (2017)ISBN 9781941765388
To learn to manage your anxiety as best you can, the following book has great advice:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955
We all get lost from time to time but if you learn to control your weaknesses and work ways of coping into your lifestyle instead of trying to be like others then you have a much better chance of being able to function and "fit in" more - assuming these are things that you really want to spend your energy on.
There is no point hating ASD any more than hating having a big nose, ginger hair or being short - it is just a part of you and you can make the most of it and work around the limitations if you learn to apply yourself better.
Of course I'm not the one going on this journey so it is easy for me to say
Good luck with whatever you chose to do.
Thank you lain. That's good advice and I appreciate your understanding of my situation. I'll get there, I know I will it just feels a bit of a low weak moment today. Things will be a lot better soon I know it. It's just fighting through the storm to get to the nicer things beyond. Thanks for the book recommendation as well. I will try and get that when I can.
I realised I had not included anything to help with the burnout - try the following:
Burnout Survival Kit - Imogen Dall (2020)
ISBN 9781526635679
I note that this is aimed mostly at neurotypicals but most of the principles are quite transferrable to us.
I get most of my books from Library Genesis (free access if you are a researcher) who fortunately don't need you to sign up or pay, but if you find the books help then please go ahead and buy through the usual suppliers.
Thank you that's so helpful. I've heard of burnout before but I wasn't sure if I had it or not. It feels like it sometimes.
Iain said:I get most of my books from Library Genesis (free access if you are a researcher) who fortunately don't need you to sign up or pay
I did wonder how you had access to so many books. I'm amazed you find the time to be on here with all the reading you do