Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, this is a really big problem for me right now and I desperately need some advice from some other autistic people because me and my mum have had 3 arguments just today about this and I don't know how I'm supposed to fix it.
Summer is always a hard time for me to eat. The heat messes with my appetite a lot, certain safe foods aren't safe anymore and having the windows open a lot for air means I can't eat off regular ceramic plates and bowls (I end up using disposable cutlery and paper plates, it's a smell thing, the air makes the ceramic dishware smell awful)
This summer however has been particularly rough when it comes to eating. I live with my mum, sister and stepdad. My mum and sister both eat pretty well and my sister is very conscious of what she eats, she's started counting calories and eating lots of salads and such which is great for her. The only problem is, I now feel like I should be doing that. My safe foods are often a lot of premade, prepackaged foods that aren't very good for you if you eat a lot. I try to make sure I eat at least one piece of fruit or veg every day, but some days it's hard.
The last few weeks I can't help but feel self conscious of the fact that most of what I eat is terrible compared to her. She's my twin and she's already skinnier than me (We can generally fit in the same size clothes but side by side it's obvious), and I wish I could stop comparing her to me but I can't. She isn't autistic, so naturally comparing her to me is a self esteem killer but I can't help it.
I've been counting calories and such and being more concerned with what I eat which means I feel less comfortable eating certain foods I know I can eat because of it. For example, usually when I'm out of the house I'll get a McDonald's meal because I can pretty much guarantee it always tastes the same. However, I'm the person in my family who eats their the most so even if that's one of the only things I will eat, I've tried to stop eating there. A lot of the foods I know I will eat feel childish, or I feel like a picky kid when my mum is eating homemade dishes and my sister is eating salad and I'm there with my oven pizza or snack foods instead. I hate that those are the foods I will eat most of the time.
The problem is now that my list of foods to eat gets smaller, and there are days when I don't feel like eating anything on my food list. There are days I barely have the energy to get out of bed, I don't want to have to wash a thousand dishes just to make a meal I don't really want to eat (It's a contamination fear, I have to pre-wash all the pots I'm going to use by hand before I use them). Me and my mum have argued a lot about this recently and I'm at a loss of how to please her. She always ends up so annoyed about it as if I can help it. She's usually so understanding with issues like this but on food she just isn't and I don't know what to do. She keeps saying if I don't eat enough I'll have to go to hospital which is one of my absolute worst fears which definitely doesn't help.
I feel like such a mess and a failure and I can't help it because I don't know what to do. Anyone out there have any advice or anything I can try? I hate that I feel like this. I'm sorry.
DO NOT count calories,you will drive yourself mad.To lose weight all you need is a calorie deficit Each Day,Eat plenty of veg ( full of carbs for energy) and high protein ( essential for maintaining non-loss of muscle tissue.Protein = LEAN meat i,e chicken, eggs, beans etc.Mcdonalds, sausages,bacon,burgers are full of saturated fat....avoid.Sugar is your ENEMY....avoid at all costs.Eat 6 small meals throught the Day NOT big ones.There is no quick fix, it must be a lifestyle change.Eat ONLY when you are peckish, listen to your body. A balanced diet is the Key..It is NOT WHAT you eat,it is HOW MUCH.It takes time for your Body to adapt to the new routine,but when it does you will eat fine without thinking about it.
Hi, I’ve struggled a lot with food and IBS though my eating is now better than it has been in ages thanks to my dietitian and actually since I realised I am autistic. I had phases of only eating the same food over and over in same pattern, accompanied by weight loss. Also issues with binging. Lots of digestive issues too.
I have learnt a lot though
comparisons are unhelpful- I know it is hard not to compare yourself to others and your sister, but it’s not
putting pressure on yourself is not going to help- it will make it worse.
make trying new foods easy- you could try a healthier ready meal if you don’t feel up to cooking. Or something very simple to make. The first step to expanding your diet is actually having the food in the house- i had to really push past resistance even just to make myself buy new things
spontaneous can help- ie just go with what grabs your attention- if you plan in depth what new food you will try and when it’s likely that you will be too stressed when the time comes.
some people say baby steps is the way to go, for me when I get stuck in a really limited diet and eating routine, mixing things up completely is usually what works best as i feel small changes are not worth the stress so I either don’t do them or when I do change a small thing, it’s just too similar to the routine that I revert to it. However small steps can be helpful for some people and in some instances too. i would recommend looking into advice for ARFID- there are a lot of strategies that you can use to try and introduce new foods- i am not sure how well they work, i usually ended up making very drastic changes but this was also a bit of a different situation as I was so underweight it was very urgent.
stress is a huge factor that makes eating issues worse. It helps to eat in a relaxed environment and it might be a good idea to look into ways to manage stress- I still haven’t really learnt that.
the other thing that can help when having low appetite is small regular meals- this can get your appetite going again. Sometimes when you get overhungry all sense of hunger can disappear. not sure if any of this helps,
I am actually doing so so much better witg food at moment- never thought it would go so well so easily. You’ll figure this out too. Give yourself time. It sounds like you are working on it and you’ll figure it out.
I struggle quite a bit with food too - my sister basically fat shamed me my entire life and I understand what it feels like to have most of your safe foods being pre-packaged etc.
Eating less food in summer is actually very common though. It's been noticed since the ancient Greek times etc - you tend to eat less and drink more in the summer and the opposite in winter. It tends to be because eating large amounts of food causes your body temperature to increase as it works to digest the food.
My technique recently has been to perfect one homemade meal and then stick with that for a few months and then try another. So far I have homemade mac and cheese and lasagne. I make my own white sauce but I got tomato sauce from a bottle. It's all about just trying and you need to be kinder to yourself as these things are more difficult for autistic people.
The most important thing you need to do though is eat. You can't improve your diet if you don't eat. I know it's hard but try to ignore your sister counting calories (as I tend to believe that's not really a healthy habit either).
I've been doing therapy for eating lately, and a lot of what I'm doing is kinda exposure stuff. I made a list of types of food from safest (weetabix) to scariest (bananas and desserts) and then a lot of small steps repeated a lot of times, with whatever coping strategies I need, calm music, distracting myself while eating etc. It's a long process and I hope it will stick when I'm done.
I know how hard it is to struggle with something you have to confront every single day and I hope you can feel better. And eating unhealthy food beats not eating every day. If you can at least survive on processed stuff, that's at least a base to work from. How would you feel about tablets? You can get multivitamins to plug some of the holes and your GP will probably prescribe them if they know the situation and that you're at risk of a deficiency.
There are meal-adjacent drinks that you can buy, I can’t think of the names, but they’re in Holland and Barrett, they also use version of that in rehabilitation centres.
I don’t think that scare-mongering is helpful from your mother, it might being worth telling her that you feel threatened by such statements, and that threat-weaponisation is an aggravation for you not a balm. But keep in mind that she feels worried herself.
I wouldn’t worry about how others build their diets, the grass is never greener, and you are your own person. In fact it may be worth looking for new snacks, try Schars curvies as they are calorific and don’t make you feel bloated. Try Nakd date bars, great for fibre, and they make your digestive process more-comfortable.
Try not to feel guilty and sinful about things like this, you should only be accepting the appropriate-level of accountability for a given situation, just follow your interest and your own curiosity.
I hope this helps..
Hello Holly_B,
I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with your eating.You may find it useful to have a look at the following pages on eating from the NAS: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/behaviour/eating
You may also find it useful to explore the following website: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/
If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help.
All the best,
ChloeMod