Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, everybody. I'll try to get to the point without blabbering on.
I have not been formally diagnosed, but it's obvious. I'm a woman in my 50s and although I'm not particularly interested in social interaction, I *am* tired of being "the only one who_____" all the time. Anyone relate?
Like I said, I don't need to be *around* other people like me. It would just be nice to know that there are some people like me, somewhere. It's hard not seeing oneself reflected in any way in the larger community. Does any of this sound like any of you? I'm not looking for personal messages or anything. Just a "yeah, me too" would be enough.
Thanks
Hi,
I am not sure how I feel about your feeling, but I can see some resemblance. Doctors and other mental health professionals have ensured me that I am autistic. It's not that I don't believe them, I just don't know how to feel about it, and it doesn't seems to do any good in my social interactions ( the realisation) and ironically I am talking to more people now, just they are medical professionals:).
Here is me-
Maria (formerly NAS88629) said:You'll never see me in heels or ladies' dress shoes. Why suffer?
This is fun. But I still don't know how it is for you. I hope this might help?
(P.S.: sorry about the long text, I don't do this a lot)
Thank you for your reply, Mark. I'm sorry to hear how hard things can be for you. And yet, I can relate...with soooo much of what you've written! Not just the social stuff, but ABBA and the Beatles are my two biggest musical influences lol. Must be something about that music...It's interesting to me that so many of us share so many things in common, yet we're invisible in the larger world. I understand that it's a "ratio" kind of thing...We're all meeting here in this group with a common element, yet in the real world we're all spread out.Still, I wish there were more people who understood us/were like us in real life.I'm curious--do *you* feel as if you're interesting or could be fun in some way to be around if people gave you a chance? People in my area go out drinking a lot--it's the main form of entertainment, even into one's 50s. If you don't do that or don't party, you're automatically boring. So people have pre-judged me because I'm not in that lifestyle. And on rare occasions when I do spend time with people, sometimes they still think I'm boring because all they want to talk about is shopping, beer, mani pedis, husbands, kids, etc....but sometimes they are surprised and say stuff like how fun I actually was or that I have a great sense of humor. Like, um, thanks?? Once they get to know me, they seem to think I'm not that weird. But it doesn't last long because I'm not in any social groups, so it's hard to keep up. It's kind of like...if people would take a moment and make an effort to match our energy/vibe, maybe they'd think we're not so weird and actually ok people. And maybe rather than toss us aside because we'd prefer to hang out maybe once per year at most, they'd still keep in touch but give us space and let us be part of the world more on our terms. But that doesn't happen.Thanks again, Mark, for your response. I hope things can get a bit sunnier for you.
Thanks NAS88629,
And it was a pleasure explore these things with someone.
Maria (formerly NAS88629) said:do *you* feel as if you're interesting or could be fun in some way to be around if people gave you a chance?
I really don't know. I know some elderly people I meet for games and so. They like me, or that's what I like to think. I know a few people who studied with me and worked with me, but I am close to none of them. I like to say I befriended some people, but after a few interactions, we get estranged? They stop contacting me and that's it. I feel like I did something wrong, but I have no way of knowing.
I myself don't find me interesting. I don't know what I am expecting from people. Its funny how much I know about biology and DNA and natural history from way back to 4.5 billion years ago, but I haven't figured out myself.
Maria (formerly NAS88629) said:If you don't do that or don't party, you're automatically boring.
That thought has came across my mind on several occasions. I don't drink either. And I don't know what to do at parties. I can talk to people individually, But the moment a third person step in, I disappear. I am practically invisible in party situations
I don't like sharing my 'you know what' with others. Primarily because they won't understand. I have tried to explain but it feels like they are not hearing what I am saying and I feel bad for explaining. And, honestly I don't think people understand what autism really is. I am not a human calculator. I am not The Rain Man(it's not even the right disorder). I hate people treating me delicately. So I don't speak of it. Just avoid anybody's attention.
It puts myself in a conundrum. People need to really understand me to find me not weird enough to get closer me, and I need a lot of trust and time for opening up to someone.( I have seriously low self esteem).
I love dancing to Dancing Queen alone in the kitchen while cooking( I am not good at dancing.). Beatles songs have these unusual rhythms which is so fascinating and mesmerizing. I find that in Led Zeppelin, Queen, or Bowie, or Tame Impala.
Wow, Mark...I'm kind of stunned by the similarities I'm seeing here between me and others...and between everyone commenting. Yet we are kind of our own solar systems in our daily lives.Elderly people--I've always found that I'm more at home with old people or very young ones (they just like to play and don't try small talk) vs people my age. They simply like any small bit of company and don't care about details...kind of like how dogs like us no matter what lol.
Same here with falling out of touch or whatever with others. If you don't drink with them or go out and do loud stuff, you just kind of naturally drift.
And when people move away, if you don't fly out or drive far away to visit at least once per year, you'll get culled eventually, too.
I agree about the rhythms...both Abba and the Beatles use a lot of syncopation, which I find incredibly catchy and uplifting. :)