Published on 12, July, 2020
For anyone who used to struggle with this and managed to find it easier, how did you distinguish between a compliment seemingly not feeling genuine and one that does?
I'm well aware that my low self-esteem is the reason why I've struggled to respond to compliments and really take them in, and it's something I'm really working on. Sometimes I'd make a joke in response and it kills it somewhat.
There's probably an argument that adults tend to not pay people compliments unless they genuinely mean it - at that point in time anyway.
I hate compliments - but my mum taught me when I was quite young that you just say thank you, then either move on to something else, or you find something kind to say in return. I like to make my compliments about non-physical things because I think they mean more that way. So - "I love your earings" is a nice thing to say but maybe "I love how warm you are as a person" is maybe even lovelier to say/hear.
My therapist recently said she's proud of my progress and I froze up a little because I didn't know how to respond.
What came out of my mouth was a half-hearted joke in "well, I'm glad someone is". I realise now I could have just said thank you but it can be a bit uncomfortable.
I self-deprecated to a work-coach today, though I try not to incase if it hits them in the feels, then they think we’re having an emotional-moment but I’m terrible at being reciprocally-affective, but we’re not I just was telling my truth..Anyways I said that before I was diagnosed I was a second-rate person, then her breath caught and her eyes glazed-over, then I thought ‘oh s+++, what have I done?!’, then she looked at me and I froze and I said “but it’s different now..’. Then, thank god, she regained herself. I was like ‘phew’..
Yeah I realise it probably makes the other person feel awkward and uncomfortable if I do dismiss a compliment which they went out of their way to give.
I'm practicing saying thank you in response to anything nice and it's getting a bit easier. But yeah, being self-deprecating like that is hit and miss I find.
Sometimes the other person can see the funny side and other times I'm just tearing myself down.