Finally feel free to be myself

I am so happy for you! That sounds amazing. I wish I was there too and that I could let myself be myself. How did you manage to allow yourself to do this? 

Thats great that you have a supportive GP. I feel the same. X

Thank you

Its lovely to mot feel i have to hide my quirkiness. So we have masked our struggles, personalities etc. to fit in with everyone. Havent we done well! But i am exhausted. So when im tired niw i rest, i dont push myself in an attempt to do what others do. Its like being set free. 

I hope things improve for the younger generation.

Yes definitely had that feeling of being free to be me but have struggled to figure out who the real me is. I still find it hard to navigate in the world, especially as someone of working age I feel like I can’t fully be me as the support doesn’t seem to be there for adults, so I feel like I’ll have to continue masking in order to find a job. I wish I could just be accepted as myself. It is lovely having this online community to talk to and be authentic

Hi Tulip

Yes, it's similar for me. I've only been thinking about being autistic for a few months and will have wait a while for a clinical assessment. My GP agrees that I am autistic, he's a kind,, supportive GP, I'm lucky.

The biggest feeling is relief, as being autistic makes sense of pretty much everything I was told was 'wrong' with me. I am happy to finally understand that there is nothing terribly wrong with me at all, I'm neurodiverse. 

At the same time, I'm sad and a bit angry that it's taken so long for me to get here and that it was never picked up by any health professional that I've seen over the years. In some instances, I think it really should have been. Instead it's been suggested that I'm all sorts of things - depressed,  anxious, bi-polar, have ptsd, have a dissociative disorder. Most of those didn't make sense to me at the time, I knew they weren't right and because I never fitted those profiles well enough,, those suggestions didn't go any further. The medical profession seems still to be quite bad at diagnosing autism in adult women in the UK. 

Also, now that I'm free to be who I am, I'm not sure how to go about it. When you mask so much and for so long taking the mask off will probably be tricky and take time, or at least I expect so. 

It's a mixture of emotions and I think that's to be expected.

Very best of luck on your journey :)

Congratulations on discovering the real you Tulip :)  It's so liberating. I'm a day away from my official diagnosis after "passing" my pre-diagnosis assessment 10 days ago.

For the first few days I really struggled as I was so sad for the person I was, who knew she was different but didn't understand why. I've already told a few people and some of them have questioned why I would persue a diagnosis when I'm in my 60s. To know myself (even if it's rather late) is incredible. 

In my case, I think I felt a sense of guilt that I hadn't tried hard enough to be the person I thought I was supposed to be, along with a sense of frustration that trying to be that person seemed so difficult. Understanding why I had found certain aspects of my life a struggle was the key to me feeling like I could be my autistic self.

Hi Tulip. I only got diagnosed yesterday, so I am still figuring out how I feel. I do think I am being more authentic on my own though, as in doing and thinking what like without judging myself. I don't know how this will translate around other people though. 

I agree that after spending a lifetime of wondering "why am I like this?" and "What is wrong with me" it is a relief. 

Yes I felt this too. It's a wonderful feeling that you never really forget.