Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, so I’m really pushing myself out my comfort zone here because I don’t have anyone else I can seek true advice from. I was recently diagnosed in Feb at the age of 24 (though the news of me being autistic isn’t new) I spent months on myself to accept I am prior to being diagnosed. My little sister was diagnosed at the age of 4/5, thus since my mother has always told me she highly suspects I am - something I heavily rejected for at least 6 years. It wasn’t until meeting my fiancé 3 years ago that I truly started to believe it myself the more I learnt about autism in women (thanks TikTok). After the assessment I didn’t feel hopeful of a diagnosis as I was suffering quite badly with some immense imposter syndrome, so happy tears were shed when I was told I am. As most of you will know once you’ve got your diagnosis that’s pretty much it (super fun lol) I put off seeking anything out because I thought I was content in myself and knew who I was. I was wrong I am dropping the mask completely now and I just feel so detached from myself or who I thought I was to the point I actually don’t know who I am, I’m just struggling massively in know how to navigate myself any confidence I gained has depleted. I’m now reading this back thinking if it makes any sense at all. Any advice/sign posting is greatly appreciated <3
I agree. How should it proceed is the question.
Wow. I identify. Yet again I have the amazing experience on this website of Reading posts thinking I must have written this but I don’t remember doing it. I belong with you all: true family connection here.
Hello.
I can't really help, but I can confirm that I also rapidly "came down" from my own 'lightening bolt' realisation and acceptance of my autistic core. Like you said...wow!, The End.
I moved past the "well, what now then" phase when I started to actively address some of my "issues" that have bothered me for a long time. Rather than fighting or denying or self-loathing many of my shortcomings, I started to experiment with work-around / mitigation measures. Some have been dramatically impressive (though I do say so myself) ... but some problems continue to dog me as they always have. My failings and struggles are easier to bear now - simply because I understand why I am that way.
I hope to run into you again on these pages.
Welcome.
The whole 'taking the mask off' is also causing me a great deal of confusion.
Considering how many people post on here, describing feeling the same way, it is really sad that there is not a more joined up 'post diagnosis' training/therapy program to help people.
At least in my case, it is a self-diagnosis (I am on the wait list) but it has been months of trying and I still have not manages to get any professional help.
This forum is the best I have found so far.
I understand this. Since i realised at the begining of the year that i am aitistic, i have gradually started to "be myself" What i am finding now is that i am coming to terms with being autistic, and not trying so hard to "fit in" to a world that is not made for me. I feel like the past 59 years has been so tiring trying to fit in to a world where i dont belong, because i dont belong. Now i have to learn to be the real me and get rid of all the pretence. A bit like being called Jane all your life and then finding out your not Jane your Judith. The damage caused by late diagnosus. Nothing we have done has caused this.
Since childhood I've had many years of odd interactions in the NT world. I'm 78 now and have relatively recently---since my diagnosis two years ago---have come to terms with who I am. You were fortunate in the sense of being forewarned, and to be forearmed with that knowledge. I lived a lifetime trying to run away from myself never knowing ---until recently. My older brother of 9 years knew something wasn't quite right during our upbringing in our disfunctional family which I think is why he remained a confirmed batchelor until his death at age 51. Anyway this is not about me --- it's about you. Getting a diagnosis puts cofirmation into the autism equation, and should provide reasons --- or partial reasons --- why certain past events took place. If I had this confirmation many years ago, pehaps I would have avoided all of my "wheel spin" that would have had a different outcome on my life.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself---Deciderata Like a snake shedding its old skin, take consolation with your new confirmation in your "new skin". You say past self contentment?? I don't think the Pope has that !
Take heart with a long life to navigate ahead of you---and good luck