Published on 12, July, 2020
I have huge problems taking holiday, and previously only travelled to see my mother who I didn't get on with and it was always very traumatic. I stopped visiting her years ago and have a rue that l my holidays had to be productive and learning to justify the amount of anxiety preparing for them brings out. So it's been Thai boxing camp and Berlin as I was learning German. I haven't been away for almost 8 years. This was all before I even though I might be aspie. Just the preparing, arranging a sitter for my cats, getting to the airport on time and not missing the flight makes me tense and the whole thing not worth it.
I purchased tickets to see Rammstein in Berlin on Saturday. I bought the tickets last year as I really like their music and I haven't been away for a very long time and I though I would treat myself to a nice ticket and a trip as I though since I've been learning for a while and been hyperfixated on the band plus I could practice my German would be a good way to start again. Now, if you've read anything about Rammstein you'll know what a disaster this has turned out to be! The sex offence charges against the lead singer, the protest plant for this weekend in Berlin etc. I haven't been able to do much for the last week. I'm really conflicted but because reading all the facts it looks like the singer is guilty as charged. But my ticket was really expensive, and I worked so hard preparing everything and then there's the ticket price and obviously part of me feels duty bound to get this done. I can't help it! I don't know how to feel about any of this but I'm feeling increasingly, dangerously, upset. I have people telling me I shouldn't go, people telling me I should go. I'm still doing the flight part but I haven't thought past that point. It's weird, but it doesn't feel like it's moral decision. Maybe because I was more into the music than the individuals? Maybe I'm horrible and selfish, and a bad person who only cares about her tasks. Why am I still going? Why do I still want to? Just thinking about this is making me want to just run somewhere else and hide and never come back (even though I can't. cats.) I Don't see the band as people maybe, just sounds? I'm not sure.
I think I jut need a place to get this off my chest. I don't expect to hear nice things. or anything at all. Seeing bands live was the only place Ii felt I could relax. Weird isn't it. I can't do parties or dinners. But just drowning in a sea of people anonymously listing to music you like makes me relax. Not sue I can do that again though as people will always just be people.
So in your hypothetical if you absolutely know the baker is a rapist, you're not any less likely to buy your bread there than at a bakery where no sex offenders are employed?
And if the accusation was against the sound or lighting person, they would have been replaced immediately. Same with literally anyone else involved who wasn't completely irreplaceable. If the driver of the 376 bus was publicly accused of something like this, he would be suspended pretty quickly because thankfully most people are less willing to buy their sausages from the voyeur and their fruit from the child molester than you seem to be.
When you listen to Rammstein right now (or better, watch some of their live stuff), how do you feel?
If you're fine with it and you can just enjoy the music, then that's how you are so what other people say you should do maybe doesn't matter that much.
Personally, listening to music by scumbags massively detracts from it for me. I can't listen to The Smiths or Brand New or Ryan Adams (or on a more extreme end, lostprophets) without the thought in my head of what they did, and that ruins the music for me.
Some people's brains don't work that way and I'm not passing judgment on you for still enjoying Rammstein any more than I would if you eat meat or whatever.
If you don't mind me asking, where do you get you info if not social media. Main stream media lie constantly and while it takes time to find good sources on social media, they do exist. Colonel Kurtz is one of the good sources but she does deal with some difficult subjects.
Good point. I do tend to hone in on my objective which is just how I plan trips. Outside of that 1 thing everything else is a surplus. I never saw much of Jamaica as I was just visiting my mum and never planned anything around that and it took all my energy as it was so stressful. I'll try looking up some other things.
Currently it seems that the entire focus of your trip is the concert. It's our autistic tendency to hyper-focus. That's why the decision seems overwhelming.
Maybe you could widen the focus by researching what else there is to see and do in Berlin that may interest you. It will at least take your mind off the issues surrounding the band for a while.
If you can start planning other things to do during your trip the concert itself will become a smaller part of it, which should hopefully make the decision less overwhelming.
Thanks Touay. I started watching a few videos about this but stopped as all the noise around this was making me feel so much worse, what ever the truth is. I don't really use social media for things like that so I'm nicely tucked away under an objective blanket. But when all this kicked off I raised my head and it was non stop shouting so I retreated again. I look up every now and again though. Think I did see part of colonel kurt's video but I just had to stop.
You make some very good points here Peter! I'll try and keep this in mind. I think part of me does see it as just a service.
Re the accusations ... there is a good youtube channel that has gone into all this... look up colonel kurtz.
I can only speak for myself but personally I'd just go. You don't worry do you, if the chair you buy comes from wood sourced unethically? Or if the chairman of your local supermarket is a criminal? If you refused to bank with unethical banks you'd have to just keep your money under your mattress. Ever buy a loaf of bread? Do you know the farmer wasn't a rapist? What about the baker, or the lorry driver or the shelf stacker? Would you refuse to buy the bread if you knew? Would it be better if it was the lighting director or sound guy who was accused of rape instead of the lead singer? Should it make a difference? The concert is a service. You should be no more worried about the criminality of the singer than the bus driver that takes you there.
Enjoy Berlin.
I knew about the Sex Offences Charge, against the Rammstein frontman. To be honest, I don't know who to believe. One mob thinks he's guilty as sin, while another group believe she's lying her Ar$e off. Either way, justice suffers.
So many kids, and young men/women, are directionless. We're in the era of dependency. Mainly caused by poor lifestyle choices. Grief is now used as a weapon.
I'm grateful for my new kitty. She'll teach me responsibility. I spent far too long of my life riding pillion.
Enjoy the Thai Boxing.