Feeling lonely, no idea how to meet people local

Jakey said:

It depends, are you the talkative type or are you minimally speaking? this seems to be something everyone here is missing. I can't talk to strangers until I know them well enough.

Are you comfortable talking about your special interest areas?

If so then try to find a group that covers these and go to any meet-ups so you can talk about the subject of interest with like minded individuals and if that gets too much, just look at the stalls / displays or whatever is there.

Learning to have a conversation with strangers is difficult but you can do it. I would start by getting a friend agree to practice with you by role playing situations so you can picture these when you come to do it in real life.

To read up on the skills, I would start with:

Stress-Free Small Talk - How to Master the Art of Conversation and Take Control of Your Social Anxiety - Gallagher LMFT, Richard S  (2020)

ISBN 9781641528955

If you can afford it then I would also recommend using a therapist to work on this in a more interactive way.

Queer Autistic Grunge said:

I wish you lots of luck with the group, I really hope it works out for you. 

Sorry for the delayed response. Please don't think of me as rude. i have a focus issue and am easily distracted. I thank you and all others who lend their support. I'm not tied to my screen on a daily basis, and visit this site occasionally. I understand the dependancy of others to this great site, and their possible daily attachment to it. All I can add is that my mind has its limitation over what it can absorb in direct correlation to what my bum can endure sitting for any length of time.  :-)

How are you with group singing? For some people it's a step too far, but amateur choir groups are a great way to 'synchronise' with people without having to engage in conversation. It's been shown to be very good for our mental health generally, and can actually be rather fun!

That might be something I need to try. But I'm not minimally verbal, that's different. I just can't process social situations the way others do, and I'm so easily distracted especially when multiple conversations are happening. 

I completely understand where you're coming from I hardly say a word to anybody especially now. When I went to the book club I wrote in a pad to communicate, it was less stress for me that way. Vocal communication is tiring.

It depends, are you the talkative type or are you minimally speaking? this seems to be something everyone here is missing. I can't talk to strangers until I know them well enough. 

Are there any local groups nearby that you're interested in? Or maybe you could join a book club. There's only a small amount of people at those. I went to one seven years ago and I really enjoyed it and made a friend out of it.

I wish you lots of luck with the group, I really hope it works out for you. 

Hi Jakey, I get that. I have ups and downs when it comes to that area. 

I can relate to that. I usually prefer to workout alone and the moment I decided to join a group in the gym. It was like everyone busy with their own thing and when we were done. Some talked with one another but I couldn't just randomly talk to so. so I left and kept repeating and I always failed to do so.

Hi mrs snooks, Yes I can relate it's not easy for me too. I wanted to reply organizing travel caught my interest. I love traveling and organizing travel. Since I was a kid I traveled a lot with my parents and my mom loves organizing travel so I learned it from there but now with my own personality and interest, I believe my style of organizing travel could have a unique aspect to it. 

I'm not minimally speaking by choice though, that's the issue. I can't process things the way others do either which makes me over simplify what I want to say. And speech issues don't help that. 

Don't always have to have real life friends by the way. Online can work too. I've had some great autistic online friends, who were surprised by my length of understanding of their traits. 

 @Autistic Adults

Hi NAS79388,

I share your minimalist conversational description of yourself. I have struggled since childhood to be the "ice breaker" always responding to---but never the creator of.  I'm not a shy person, but feel uncomfortable being the focus of attention.    When under those circumstances I fumble over my thoughts and words sometimes responding inappropriately.  I also share your wish to meet people, but have had many negative experiences with that. I too have no real life friends.  I don't respond very well when in the company of nervous, excessively talkative people. I usually get overlooked or ignored if in the company of such types.  I'm an OAP so have experienced a lifetime of these sort of responses despite my contined efforts to become more "likeable".  I made a recent effort to volunteer my time with a local steam museum.  I come from an engineering background. This sort of situation sounded very suitable for me.  I did not fit the profile they were looking for. Only last week I discovered an ASD group who meet twice a week at my local library.  I will give it a try with my attendance in a fortnights time.  

you are young, so my advice to you is try not to allow yourself to get discouraged despite negative experiences with social engagement. It is an ongoing uphill struggle not generally recognised by NT's. For me though, at my age I am tired of the struggle, and look upon my forthcomming ASD meeting as "my last hurrah" at age 78.  

By the way, will that be interesting? I don't know where you are based, but if close to London - we can cooperate community.autism.org.uk/.../302096

my gym also has a sauna.  Often chat to regulars in there, as there is nothing else to do but sit still and get hot.

I actually just registered here for the same question. I managed to make some friends and can go to random socials, but I would love to find a place where I can do some hobbies with people, with regulars. I'm quite tired of superficial chats with random people on all the same boring topics. But I can't find anything interesting even in London. Clearly I just don't know where to search.

I started going to gyms. People are always focused on their goal, nobody ever talks. I can't say I have social anxiety, but I'm just not the chatty type for sure. Same for group classes: people come in, stretch and prepare, then follow the teacher directions, and 10 seconds after the class end everyone disappears.

So I'm really curious, how can somebody make any friends in a gym?!

That's too much for me. Even then, I think there's a high change I'll be bullied there because I'm mute and out of shape. 

Joining a gym was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Met lots of nice people as the gym has a large number of regulars.

it has been beneficial to me both physically and mentally.  Having spoken to some of the regulars, it is also clear that they also enjoy the social aspect of being there as much as the exercise.

In case you’ve never had much to do with gyms, I should mention that joining a gym doesn’t mean punishing training  (unless you want to).  You can go at your own pace.  At a decent gym you won’t be judged.

I don't think friends would have to be from hobbies, I could be wrong though because I haven't been out the house in such a long time. 

Either way, I love scenery and photography which I think can go hand in hand with travel (Could be wrong). We could be friends if you'd like? I'm a bit chatty about things like that, as I wish I could travel. 

I have tried a local autistic support group, but it wasn't great. It doesn't matter much to me what the interests are, as long as they are nice and understanding people, I would be fine with them. Unless there's mental health issues like apathy or psychopathy, in which case, I'm fine again, but with different expectations I suppose. Social isolation left me wiser I think.