struggling to feel understood by my mum and really want advice

prewarning, this is a little long and thank you for advance for reading. 

for context, my mum adopted me and is NT so doesn't exactly relate to my struggles as a ND person. she does have a few conditions that disables her though, so one would think there would be a bit more understanding. 

Since my ADHD diagnosis about a year ago, I have been learning more about it and learning new ways to help and understand myself better. i now understand what i cant and can't do, and what i need to do in moderation as i now understand the consequences. for example, if i have a super busy day which is primarily outside, I definitely enjoy myself but I know now that I need the day after to recover from all of the sensory stimulation. 

I have also recently learned that I most probably have autism. my bio-sister was diagnosed with it a while ago but never thought much of it other than "That makes sense". it was bought up to me by an Audhd person asking when i was diagnosed with autism as they knew i had a late diagnosis of ADHD. I was taken aback by their comment and informed them that i didn't have such a diagnosis which they were very surprised by. we then began talking about our symptoms and yada yada. they were more informed than me at the time and talked me through what traits were ahdh, which were autism and what overlapped. 

since this conversation i have done significant research (hyper fixating over the past 3 weeks lol) which I know isn't very long but.. everything i have ever experienced all. makes. sense. 

like literally everything makes sense, i feel validated in my experiences, i don't hate myself anymore, i understand the reasons for so many things that have caused me hardship. 

back to the point of this, I explained to my mum that i believed i had autism. she was very against this as I don't have Stereotypical autistic traits and have what is known as female-presenting traits. I would be classed as a high camouflaging/masking with low needs profile. 

i explained the traits but she's still not budging and is really against labels. since being home after coming back from university, i have found things very difficult. all of my stims that i usually do during my safe spaces in uni (in my room or at my boyfriend's), i have been continuing at home since in my head, home is my safe space. however, my mum has been commenting in an irritated way or "why are you fighting?" "why are you rocking like that? you look like you have something that's wrong with you, you never use to do that." and overall just commenting on anything "not normal" or "not the usual" which for her, is me masking which is something i was unknowingly doing in the past.

this obviously hurts a little and I'm trying to tone it down a bit from her because her conditions make it a bit difficult for her to be able to handle my stims which i can understand and appreciate. equally, i don't want to stop entirely because i think she will think i can control all of this which obviously i can but actually im happy stemming and I've realised it helps me regulate myself and self sooth. 

she also dismisses the whole "masking" thing as "everyone has to mask sometimes" i know that she doesn't fully understand it and im really struggling to try and explain it to her without getting a similar reply. 

im going for a follow up tomorrow for ADHD medication which she also isn't too big of a fan of since i "cope perfectly well" while that might be true, and I'm aware that I'm privileged to be able to cope better than others might, i still struggle, but then she will say that "everyone struggles" which i am also aware of but its not to the same extent or necessarily same duration.

she seems to think that i don't belive everyone struggles, which of course I am aware of and completely empathetic of, but the thing is... i don't need to be. just because i am "surviving perfectly fine on my own" (her words) doesn't mean that I shouldn't try something that might allow me to be able to live a little rather than just survive. it might even mean that my boyfriend doesn't have to pick up all my little pieces for me. 

really, i just want to best communicate to her what im experiencing isn't what "everyone" experiences. i just feel so invalidated but maybe I'm being unreasonable? im not sure. 

I was really hoping is someone could recommend any books that could help explain how what neurodiverse people experience isn't what "everyone experiences and does" i so desperately want her to understand me and for her to know that i am aware of others' experiences and I just don't know how to do that. 

i don't have enough knowledge yet nor the right words to be able to communicate it so I'm hoping with a little direction from suggestions, i can domore research in that area to then disect and give to her. 

i know part of this was a vent but i really would appreciate some direction and advice