How to prepare for ASD assessment outcome next week when expecting "NO" - May just have ADHD (and some ASD) "traits"/not severe enough??

As a female adult who was dubious at first as to whether I was actually autistic, I was really worried about my assessment. I thought about what I could control and what I couldn't. You can't control whether they make the wrong diagnosis but if that was the case you can go the private route for a second opinion. What you could control is getting your worries addressed. I sent my assessors a list of worries I had:

• how experienced were they with female ASD and with what people tend to refer to as 'high-functioning' masking (though I hate this term personally)
• I was both worried they would diagnose me too easily when I wasn't autistic and worried they would fail to see the struggles I was having and then say I wasn't
• I was worried I would forget things during the assessment or mask too much

The assessor got back to me and reassured me about these things and I felt a lot better after that. Ultimately you go in trying to be as honest as possible. I didn't think I was autistic, but now I see how blind I have been to my struggles over the years. I was given an ASD level II diagnosis because when I sit down to explain what day-to-day life is like for me I realise I have somehow put a significant amount of support in place for myself and when I don't have it I will have daily, sometimes violent, sometimes self-injurious meltdowns. They are always an extreme explosion of emotion. But I would have sworn before then that I was not autistic. Even though I have to spend my entire life wearing headphones and soft clothes and completely breakdown when my schedule is interrupted. Honestly I don't know how I was in such denial.

These people are usually extremely good at spotting masking, when I read my report after I was shocked at the things they picked up on. I thought my eye contact was good, apparently it was all over the place. I thought the ADOS part was really simple and yet I responded in a very 'autistic manner' throughout the entire assessment. I couldn't read facial expression accurately. I went on a 5 minute monologue about how anthropomorphizing a frog was stupid. 

All you can do for the moment is let them know your worries so they can make you feel better and maybe go in with a sheet of things you want to ask them about their experience, what comes after, what your other options are. And then just be your wonderful self

oh wow, i wish i had been able ro pick your brains way before my assessments themselves. some of ehat you say ar so familiar to me but ben gin the middle of fighting for your job and acting liek you ARE capable, i jut have been in the wrong headspace - PERFORMING rather than letting the true me out.

I made no sense during my asessments, dont event remember them. I went off on tangent trying to tell them subcinciousy that i cannot be autistiv because of my btoher (being non-verbal with severe autismand learning disabiltieis, and THAT being my experience, although he too displays very atapical beaahviours and preferences) - he actually pics up bad "habits"/ticks etc from other ASD residents in his care home and then takes ages for him to "lose" them again.

even when i read through ASD pages on this site, they dont make too much sense. I think i dont have many of the traits, but KNOW something is wrong with me. - not sure how else to put it.

i also DONT like it when schedule is messed up but used to be VERY good at rescheudling other thins IF i had a good line manager to clearly clarfied what other things to deprioritse and could be pushe dbakc (so i didnt feel like a complete failure!). Where i have a personable helpful line manager (who is NOT rude or aggressive, or helps with nothing then "audits" you rather than providing the guidance you need when impacting your workload and shedule), i tend to perform really well. where i am too uncomfotrable to even approach my line manager (repeating what i should say, a million times in my own head and then NOT having that real conversation just to AVOID that person) than i just crumble. 

I also NEED templates, good examples, etc of documetns if i am asked to draft a report etc - I need the structure to remain in or exemplar to mimic. Otherwise brain goes all over the place, being a perfectionsist too, and then i am mentally paralysed! 

I like logical, science, "nerdy" things. However my morale can go very low and put myself off completing tasks. I get extremely lonely too, which impacts my ability.

I just cant articulate anything properly so I've really let myself down. Not sure what questions i shoudl ask AT THE RESULTS meeting tomororw morning or if its now even TOO late. I feel so angry at myself! really need signposting to services if i am NOT autistic. no one would believe me even i was Autistic. I am never believed. maekes me want to scream and throw things aroudn the house, after SO MANY years suffering with difficulties but no one believing me just because i got great grades and come across well when speakign to people (NOW i cannot even communicate though as SO exahusted). Problem is i come across too well, even in CRISIS, so my desperation is NOT taken seriously.

Maybe i should have asked for an advocate/support worker to attend with me? too late now anyway as having my feedback tomorrow morning. Am terrified, just because everythign keeps going wrong for me (im sure mostly my own fault for masking for so many years, or just having "odd" difficulties that i cant even articulate) 

If you asked any questions at feedback i would really appreciate it if you could share? Could help me panic less and focus on finding some more Qs as someone who thinks i might not have autism (but desperately needing ADHD assessment which the psychiatrist does NOT want to give me)

Thanks in advance - both for your previous comments and for any questions/tips you may leave for me today!

First, take a breath :) It's going to be okay. I am ASD with suspected ADHD but I had to really push my GP to put me on the list for an ADHD assessment because those services are absolutely overwhelmed at the moment. In my area there aren't actually any at all so I am on a list to be put on a list. So maybe it is better to go the ASD route for now and put a pin in the ADHD assessment until you know what's what tomorrow. Remember ASD and ADHD have quite a lot of overlap.

A lot of the difficulties you are describing are associated with ASD but I'm not a professional and I don't know your whole story. Just because your brother presents with more classic ASD type symptoms doesn't mean you aren't ASD. 

You can't change what they say tomorrow, and try not to second guess yourself from the assessment. It's so easy to ruminate but I guarantee there is no way anyone goes in for that assessment and doesn't worry their problems weren't obvious or they should have said x or y.

The first thing you do is go in and say you are really nervous. You are worried your struggles weren't greatly apparent, that you struggle to advocate for yourself and you are worried they might not see everything they should. Then you can have a frank discussion about your worries with them and they will likely go more slowly and explain their reasoning to you.

You can go in with a list of questions like:

How sure are they with their diagnosis?
Did they consider differential diagnoses/overlapping or co-morbid conditions? i.e. if they say no we think you have ADHD, then you want to be asking but what is the chance I have both?
How familiar are they with non-classic presentation of autism? 
You said you show female signs of autism, how familiar are they with ASD in females? It can look very different.
What are your next steps?
If you are diagnosed with ASD, what do you do now? Do they place you with an intervention team?
If you aren't diagnosed with ASD, you are still obviously struggling, so what should you do now? What are their recommendations for you to get support? Did they come to any other conclusions during your assessment as to what might be causing some of your issues?
What are your rights about seeking a second opinion?

These are a few of the things I asked or would have asked had I been told no.

At the end of the day. No matter what they say, you are going to be okay and it's just one step in finding the right support for you. Not the end of the road. 

I wish you all the best for tomorrow <3

Thinking about you today! Hope all is well! Xx

Thinking about you today! Hope all is well! Xx