Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All,
So I have been trying to answer a question, but it seems I simply cannot resolve it, leading me to revisit my understanding of 'theory of mind'.
My previous understanding of theory-of-mind is based on the example of a child who is shown a picture while his mother is out of the room, and the child believes his mother would also know what the picture is, even though she has never seen it. ... Is that correct - is it really that well defined?
I have a colleague who did something a year or so ago that really helped me. It was a normal, everyday thing, but the benefit to me has been massive. I cannot resolve whether I should thank her. I can think of all sorts of aspects for or against, but each is met with 'does not compute' in my head! I have been thinking about it for weeks, but I have got nowhere. Is this inability to perceive how she would respond to me telling her a 'theory of mind' thing, or is it something else?
Thanks for your thoughts.
Thanks for that. I guess a lifetime of not being able to read peoples reactions may have led me to find anticipating reactions difficult and trying to reason my way out of it doesn't actually provide an answer.
Theory of mind is the ability to understand that other people have minds independent of our own and that their experiences, knowledge, feelings etc are different. The example you give is a good one.
I think what you are experiencing is overthinking. You are worried how she will react because you can't know for sure what her response will be. I struggle with this a lot, thinking about all the possibilities - it makes me very worried. This is different from theory of mind because you know that her knowledge is different from yours (e.g. you can recognise that she may not already know how grateful you are) and that her response may be different from how you would react. Unfortunately, even NT people cannot know for sure what is going on in other people's minds or lives. I think Autistic people just find it much more difficult to accept that you can't know it. We crave certainty.
Unfortunately, you cannot be certain how somebody will react in any situation. However, I think that everyone likes to know they are appreciated. I find it difficult talking about feelings or telling people that I appreciate them. I would tend to send a card/gift or an email thanking them instead. This has always been well received. A card or email also gives you extra time to think what you want to say.