Published on 12, July, 2020
I could never understand why my mum never told us she loved us never hugged us, was often cruel to us. To this day at 94 years old and being cared for very well by my sisters, she is difficult. She is a good woman but often horrible. We have been kind and caring to her and it has been very difficult. In the 1960's she had a stay in a mental hospital, we were placed in care. She was very anxious. She has been particularly cruel to my brother. She has been very anxious, has poor social skills, and an be so direct it is offensive.
We needed her. Everything is now becoming clearer.
Now i think of it, we had a severely disabled cousin, his sister shows symptoms of autism, lacks social skills, isolation
Do you have an autistic parent? X
My father is an autistic parent and is a very warm and loving man.TBH I don't like the way you say she is cruel and has a history of it, that is a huge red flag. That sounds like my mother, but she was a narcissist and an abuser not autistic, the autism runs on my father's side of the family. He's also a survivor of her abuse and as an autistic parent he was not cold at all.I am an autistic parent and I hug my child every day because my dad was a good role model even if I only know what maternal love should look like based on the shape of the hole left in it's absence.Unfortunately people on the spectrum often attract narcissists and end up abused because we are so vuulnerable and teh way the abuser preys on us. Please be very careful not to diagnose other people without a professional, you can self identify autistic but you cannot claim someone you know is because you are not in their shoes to know how they think and it can be dangerous to tar autistic people like that. For example it was the opinion of a licensed professional that my mother is narcissistic even though they couldn't formally diagnose her without her participation (and that is a totally seperate long story about aspects of my life I don't think I need share here.)Anywa here's a load of vids on the topic. Because it sounds like you may have autistic family members (maybe even you yourself) who have fell victim to your mothers behaviour over the years if you have a cousin that shows traits of autism. It may be helpful to watch the vids and see if anything ressonates with your experiences and observations.That's not to say an autistic person cannot also be a narcissist or schizophrenic, but those are not automatically synonymous with autism and are also their own separate things. I think you may want to explore other possibilities, and then re-assess with the sisters caring for her once you have more information because a hasty misdiagnosis will be as useful as a chocolate teapot to everyone involved.
Hi- My mum and possibly also my Dad are autistic and I am too! My mum is one of the kindest, most caring, sensitive and loveliest people I know. Being autistic is no excuse for cruelty or unkind behaviour. There are neurotypical and autistic people that are unkind and cruel. It has nothing to do with their neurotype. I also strongly disagree with the idea that autistic people don’t have empathy, it’s not true. Ok so people could say that autistic people might be less good at reading other people’s emotions and might therefore be more likely unintentionally offend. But even if that might be the case in some instances, there are a lot of ways around this. In my case I actually worry a lot about how people interpret what i do or say and whether I have read them correctly. Also with time you also learn what things could unintentionally be offensive- it might take a bit longer but you learn.
Being autistic is no excuse for unkindness in my opinion.
Absolutely, but I also just wanna be clear though I never thought Tulip meant anything harmful by the post. So this is in no way a call out, and I'd hate if people got the wrong impression so it's important to read the rest of the reply string for additional context, but particularly this one.
π Bees π (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:It wasn't anything you said particularly as I didn't interpret your words that way I just saw that perhaps they could be misconstrued so I wanted to cover all the bases in case it was by someone who doesn't know you are also autistic. (Sometimes I see NTs pop in here and stay a while, and I wonder if they realise most of us regulars are actually autistic rather than other NTs looking for advice.) So some (a lot) of the phrasing in the reply string is about other folks that your post reminded me of and not you specifically. Though perhaps I myself should have been more clear on that from the start... especially as I have a bad habit of using "the royal/general" "you". Sorry Tulip.