Published on 12, July, 2020
I am trying to come to terms with this after finding out over a year ago. I'm a high functioning female I'm lucky because my workplace is supporting me with reasonable adjustments ie my workload, but this is making me feel worthless like I'm being carried my colleagues are great & don't feel this...I sometimes wish I didn't know, but then it's answered alot of questions from my childhood & adulthood. I am v close to my family but any mention of this hits silence...iv been assured by friends its maybe because they don't understand or know what to say. I understand this but I feel v isolated. I have joined this group in the hope that others understand...I have alot of traits for both ASD & ADHD.
Hi there,late diagnosis like you... the silence from family resonates with me.What I have done to help them (and myself) is to use the diagrams of the asd spectrum. Find it on Pintrest or google.If you use the one where it shows how we differ from one another . People tend to think people on the spectrum are the same. It might help you understand yourself and your traits,.We are here and you will be ok
good luck sisterxx
That's exactly right what a good way to look at it..the world is not equipped for us !
Hi
Thank you for your response I did not think anyone would.
It's so nice not to feel so isolated...
Thank you so much for responding this is great I don't feel so isolated already. I do only mention it to my family in small fragments ie looking to change my working hours due to burn out. Thank you
Good morning NAS87006, I am Number.
Apologies for my little outburst above.....rest assured that it is not my usual "mood music".
Welcome to this place, and rest assured, that what you write of is VERY common to many of us - in terms of how family and friends react....by not reacting ! It's the ultimate passive-aggressive play and yet I'm sure that, in the case of my family, there is no malice involved.
When I have a bout of wondering why I either get no response or a negative response to a declaration of my autism (I only declare it VERY carefully and VERY sparingly these days).....I comfort myself by thinking "but what can they say?" They don't understand and therefore definitely CANNOT know what to say.
On the other hand, in this place, I have found that EVERYBODY understands ! It's glorious !!
It is good that you have found this place and joined. I do hope that you will find the comfort and connection that you seek here.
I came here looking for hard data and more refined information about autism....both of which I have found......but I have also found some solid interpersonal relations (I think NT's call these friendships)....so I could not be happier.
Stick around, join in - and hopefully be happy here.
Kind regards
Number.
Welcome. I was 56. So many coming forward now are 40 plus.
I do get the pull between needing the accommodation and being grateful when you get it, and the nagging feeling that you shouldn't need anything special. But hey, at my age I also realise how much I have battled against the barriers without help all my life to get as far as I have. I guess it's time I didn't have to have it so hard any more. After all, I'm not getting any younger.
As for your family, yeah it does sound like they just don't know what to do with the information. Work on them slowly. Could well be one or two more are also ND and might spot that in themselves overtime.
I have had the same thoughts as you regarding my workplace (and personal life) but the other people there are not autistic. I see it like this : by not knowing this about yourself for so long, youll have been making adjustments all your life for other people. If the world was set up to be more suitable for us, we wouldn't need adjustments. But the world isn't like this. Don't feel worthless for being who you are in a world which isn't set up for you.
Hi NAS87006
I remember when one of my younger sisters was diagnosed in her 40s and I just didn't "get it". I feel a little bit ashamed to say that my only knowledge of autism was that it affected boys and they were like Rainman so after she told me her diagnosis I didn't have anything to say about it (except well if she's autistic then I am and I'm not so case closed!) Perhaps it's the same with your parents? Some of us need educating but you have to be open to being educated. Sometimes we feel guilty for not realising so we decide to ignore it. In my case the jokes on me. After chatting with my daughter as she went through her own diagnosis and educating myself to what autism looks like in women and girls looks like that's me too. So there you go. Case not closed as I thought.
I was in a similar position having found out when I was 60! I'm also high functioning and grateful that I am, as I have friends who barely function at ALL save for in their own special field. Please try and embrace it, as it makes sense of everything that you experienced in your childhood and youth (You're still young!) and now you know WHY things happened or didn't happen, and why people's reactions to you when you said or did something.
Knowledge is power! I had a sim ilar reaction from my family, and trite comments like "Well, we're all on the spectrum" comments from friends who don't understand. I found one friend who I knew would be open to discussion, and one family member who has agreed to speak to the other members in a gentle way.
You now have the pieces of the jigsaw to live the rest of your life as YOU. Being autistic is a GIFT, not a disability. Who do the other lot go to jwhen they want a job done thoroughly??? When people come back in a negative way, I say in my head...
LET IT REMAIN THEIR PROBLEM.