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Tips for telling family your autistic?

NAS84125

Hi All,

I was diagnosed last week as autistic after a 13 month wait for assessment. I wasn't very surprised but I haven't really felt any emotions either way - completely underwhelmed by it!

The only person I have told is my wife who has tolerated me for around 20 years, she also wasn't surprised!

I don't know how to approach it with my family members or even my three young children (child no1 (8years old)  we suspect is also on the spectrum but she doesn't realise yet!)

I was going to 'come out' at family gathering (my nieces 1st Birthday) was going to print out the report and give it to my family members in envelopes at the end of the party as don't want to derail the 'event' - but my wife thought this might be a typically me way of doing it, and maybe insensitive....

Thanks for any tips....

  • Definitely don't do it at a family event.

    Do you really need to come out? I think you should carefully consider the pros and cons. You have told your wife who is the most important person in your life and she sounds supportive. Other people might not be so understanding even with the report in front of them.

  • Probably not the time to do it

    if there’s be person in the family who is absolutely terrible at keeping secrets, just tell them in 100% “confidence”. If your parents are still around maybe mention to the one who is more thought-full. But don’t surprise everyone with information all at once when it’s someone else’s birthday. Afford the child their day and pick another random and casual day to not “come out” but relay interesting information to find out who else has an overlooked potential. 

  • My wife and kids knew I was going for assessment beforehand. For extended family and friends email worked quite well for me. Otherwise, I told small groups of 2 or 3 at meals and suchlike. I didn't have a single negative reaction, some indifference, some puzzlement, mostly just acceptance and one reaction that was hugely kind and supportive