Gender dysphoria post-diagnosis

Do you mind me asking what you were naive about initially? How easy it would be? Others’ reactions? 

Ok thank you!

Don’t worry, I appreciated your long answer, and didn’t find it useless! I can see where you’re coming from. Gender is a bit of a nonsense in a lot of ways! I’m open to the possibility that I’m non-binary. I’m not totally sure that I’d want to fully transition and so swap one binary for another.

I also believe that if it's an important part of your identity then you have the right to choose a gender that seems to fit you best. I agree that it's very distressing to be told that your gender should do this. I personally don't believe in that. Your gender can be whatever you choose and you can still choose to do whatever makes you happy. I don't think that you would "lose the right" to do something or feel something because it doesn't fit a gender expectations. You are and will still be free. I wish you lot of luck in this journey and I apologize for a very long yet probably useless answer that I wrote to your question. 

I'm not in either of those areas but I found groups by searching relevant terms, eg "trans MY_CITY" on Facebook, meetup, Instagram, etc. Then went along to events that were in environments I felt comfortable being in.

Just to add, I’ve been so pro-gender neutrality with raising my kids. So correcting gender stereotypes with either my son or daughter, whenever someone tried to limit their possibilities. I just thought that was because I was a strong ally. Now I’m not so sure. I think it was my subconscious trying to defend myself! 

Thanks, yeah I was all set to contact GenderGP but then my financial situation suddenly changed. It goes without saying that I wish the situation with the NHS was different! And I can’t face the likely gaslighting by a GP about it right now, either.

Thanks for this. Trans and non-binary experiences definitely resonate with me. But all my interactions with the community are online. I don’t know any trans or non-binary people in real life. And the thought of just turning up to a local group is daunting, as an autistic person. I feel like I’d end up masking and then be drained afterwards.

There also so many groups and charities that I’m a bit overwhelmed with it the choice. Are there any specific recommendations? I’m based in north-west England, but regularly in London for work. I sometimes wish I just upped and moved to Brighton as that’s so pro-LGBT and pro-Green Party!

Hi

Diagnosis of trans first and transitioned, followed by autism diagnosis.

No regrets but feel I was very nieve initially.

take your time as much as you are able to, and look after your physical health as much as you can!

All the best to you

Well to answer the feeling more feminine than masculine point, I reject the idea that I ever would’ve been a hunter gatherer. I would’ve much preferred to look after the cave. And translating that to the modern world, I don’t want to be a breadwinner or to provide in the traditional male sense.

So, although I know what you mean that gender shouldn’t matter anymore, it’s being told “your gender should do this” which is distressing. And it’s been confusing when I’ve made choices in life because I’ve thought I should do something or feel a certain way because I’ve been male.

As someone who doesn't understand the concept of gender or what a"man" or a "woman" are, so I don't understand all what's between either. I have no idea how to figure out if I'm feeling like a woman or like a man or what exactly do I feel. I identify as a human. When I look at the mirror I see a female body so I tell people that I'm woman so I won't have to explain all the above and to make it easier for everyone, although recently I'm starting to see value in not doing that. I have no idea what you mean when you say "I feel more feminine than masculine" but don't get me wrong here, my best friend is transgender person.

I think gender is a term that we created when we were hunters gatherers and males had the role of hunting and fighting. They didn't have the luxury to be sensitive or show weakness. Nowadays we don't hunt nor fight to obtain our basic needs.. they are allowed to express their humanity the way they want. Life isn't that tough on them anymore and they don't need to be tough nor providers or protectors. With the idea of the always strong, brave and insensitive masculine falling out of need, why are we still stuck with it?. Does this make them women now?. Our modern world allows us to be more equal and similarly express ourselves, so what's masculine now?. A male crying in the bus wearing a dress is a woman or just a distressed human who feels comfortable in dresses?. Is the fact that I wear shirts and jeans without any makeup or accessories mean I'm a man or just a human who likes comfy practical things?. Isn't it us who raised our kids in different ways and taught them how become men and women? What happens if we stop doing that? Won't they grow up to just be themselves??. Isn't us who decided that women can take maternal leave from work when she has a baby? What happens when we give the same option to all humans? Isn't it us who created the illusion of gender and inforced it in our law systems and stereotypes?. Wouldn't it be a great world to teach a boy that sexual harrasment isn't part of "manhood"? Or to teach a girl that it's okay to be a woman and sex-positive?. We tell little girls that they are princesses, put them in dresses, ask them to talk softly and not express their desires so we are the ones who created the idea of "feminine" in the first place by raising little girls to become "women". If we decide to raise girls to be brave, vocal and tough, the idea of a woman completely changes. This fact that it's just our creation and not something we are born with makes gender so confusing. We created it! It doesn't really exist! Why would I define myself by it then!. We are the ones who told little boys that they are heros, bought them cars for Christmas and taught them that a man is vocal about his desires and doesn't express emotions. What happens when we stop raising those kids this way?. Wouldn't gender all together disappear?. It would be so confusing to an adult who never heard the word "be a man/woman". Their reaction would be "what do you mean?". That's exactly my reaction... Am I supposed to fit the stereotype of a woman so I would be one?!. Can't I just be a human?..

I'm writing things that might not interest you now, but the idea of gender really confuses me. It doesn't exist and it would disappear once we stop talking about it.

If you've got the financial resources, Gender GP is an online service that you can use to access counselling and medical care. It sounds like you might not be quite at that stage yet, but it is an option to keep in mind for later and they have a lot of expertise.  I know someone who uses their service and it has helped them a lot as it can take years to get any help on NHS.

I've had the late in life realisation that I'm non-binary.  It's important to remember that just like being autistic, being trans isn't always the way it is presented in media.  There are many ways to be trans, but you are the expert on your own gender experience.  

Keep gathering information and write down your thoughts if that helps you process them.

I realised I'm non binary slightly before I realised I was autistic, but both came relatively quickly for me. Looking back I realised I'd been thinking of myself as autistic (but not allowed to use the label because I'm not diagnosed) for years, and the same with being trans (thought I wasn't allowed to use that word because I don't want a full binary transition).

I strongly encourage you to meet other trans (and autistic) people. There are probably groups in your local area. Go talk and listen to people. In my experience, that's the best way to work yourself out.