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What I'd be like if I wasn't masking - a mess of contradictions

Billy87
over 1 year ago

Got to the point, particularly at work, where I don't know what's masking and what's me any more. I'm just trying to survive at work without a complete mental breakdown

I feel like I'm a mess of contradictions so I don't fit into anyone's box, even on here sometimes

I'm quiet and sensitive and I like nature and talking to ducks and wildlife. I like cuddly animals and collect hundreds, they're like friends to me. I love writing stories, and reading 

I'm also really sporty and love being around sporty, blokey guys and bantering about football and other stuff 

I feel like whoever I'm with I can only show one side of me and have to hide the other side, it's very confusing 

I'm feeling very low at the moment 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I feel like this too, not in the same way, but there are different aspects to me: the religious Jewish side, the arty cultured side, the geeky Doctor Who fan side... These can be very closed-off environments. I think compartmentalising is, to some extent, normal. I try to tell myself that it's OK that I interact with people in a particular way and not in a different way. I don't think everyone has to know all of me. It can be hard, though. Only my fiancee understands all of me. It probably helps a lot since we've been together; the fact that one person really gets me means that it doesn't matter so much if others don't.

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  • over 1 year ago

    I feel like this too, not in the same way, but there are different aspects to me: the religious Jewish side, the arty cultured side, the geeky Doctor Who fan side... These can be very closed-off environments. I think compartmentalising is, to some extent, normal. I try to tell myself that it's OK that I interact with people in a particular way and not in a different way. I don't think everyone has to know all of me. It can be hard, though. Only my fiancee understands all of me. It probably helps a lot since we've been together; the fact that one person really gets me means that it doesn't matter so much if others don't.

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