What I'd be like if I wasn't masking - a mess of contradictions

Why do you want to fit into someone else’s box? Just be you. Like what you like. We all have diverse interests and hobbies. I do anyway! Perhaps you feel like you need something in common with others to get along with them? That’s not always the case, but many people with ASD prefer to do exactly that.

As for masking, it covers many facets, so if you feel you must in certain situations, do so, but overall I don’t recommend it. It’s too draining to keep up 24/7. I still mask at work, but certainly not as much as I used to. 

Oh Billy, it sounds like you need a good old-fashioned rest!  You and I both know that it ain't easy being Green (Kermit the Frog song)....but that masking can make everything entirely achievable. ....but that masking is very tiring AND it makes you loose sight of yourself = upsetting and disorientating.

My practical advice to you is as follows;

1.  Invest your energy to continue masking at work as your priority.  I know you have started a new one - and that is stressful - but loosing the income and routine that it imposes on you at the moment, would probably be ill-advised.

2.  When you are not at work.....REST.  Don't keep worrying about the complexity of your soul and the narrow simplistic "rails" that most other people seem to need go run on.  We are cross-country souls......nothing contains our range.  This is glorious, but can be VERY tiring.

Based on my life experience, the very worst time to be soul-searching is when you are feeling very tired and washed out......it simply increases your stress-load at a time when you can't afford that extra brain investment.

Grab a "hugs worth" of your animals and just "be".  Screw the rest of the world for as long as you can manage to allow your energy reserves to build back.  Don't panic mate....be mindful.....we know what this is all about.....so rest should be the aim.

I do hope you start to feel stronger very soon.

All my best.

Number.

I don't think thats true in the whole as many neurotypicals have a wide range of interests so it would be strange if they thought that was weird . Some of my friends have diverse hobbies I have never thought it was weird tbh . Not sure why anyone would care either if it's not effecting them why would they ?

Am I understanding this right? If I like football for example, and also enjoy something completely different like baking, neurotypicals think that's weird or something?

Life is full of contradictions Billy , It's completely normal - i think it's great you have that mix of interests tbh I wish I could be more varied I fixate really badly on one thing at a time but that is normal to me .

Why do you need to fit into a box 

Just do what makes you happy and be you .

Hope you feel better soon 

Thank you for sharing with us.. I can relate to sharing one side with someone and not being able to share all sides with one person. To some extent, I think that's normal that people have certain things in common and not all things, but when it turns into masking then isn't a good sign. I can also relate to the contradictions. It's not easy to figure the self out specially when the mask becomes part of us .. good luck! .. I hope you'll get better soon

I feel like this too, not in the same way, but there are different aspects to me: the religious Jewish side, the arty cultured side, the geeky Doctor Who fan side... These can be very closed-off environments. I think compartmentalising is, to some extent, normal. I try to tell myself that it's OK that I interact with people in a particular way and not in a different way. I don't think everyone has to know all of me. It can be hard, though. Only my fiancee understands all of me. It probably helps a lot since we've been together; the fact that one person really gets me means that it doesn't matter so much if others don't.

I used to like them when I was younger but was put off by the maintenance, but still always really wanted one when I'm in a better living situation because I find them very soothing as sensory things. The sound of the water, the fish movements etc.

I recently started learning about self sustaining ecosystems and the way they work, so its really interesting and I hope to set one up in future and do some aquascaping :) I also have a dog and ferrets, so animals in general are definitely one of my interests haha.

What kind of plushies do you like? I'm not a collector of them myself, but I recently got the Gengar & Pikachu squishmallows because I thought that they're cute and will make nice pillows.

Thats really helpful thank you. It sounds like we have been in the same boat a bit. It's really nice to meet someone who understands. 

I love aquariums btw, I'm hoping to buy one soon. Havnt had one since I was a kid. 

Goblin said:

I'm just me, and it can be hard to feel ok with that, but I think it's better than the alternative - you know what you like, and I'm sure you'd rather have those things than not, right?

That's very true

I think it's pretty common to think things are black and white like that - because they are portrayed that way quite a lot. I'm more creatively inclined in that I like music, reading, art, baking etc. but I also like gaming (to the point that when I played online games I was very competitive). Growing up being a girl and going to an all girls school, I was seen as weird for liking games both online and offline.

These days I've even started to get into D&D, and I still have other fixations like my pets, and more recently aquariums. There's no end to what you're "allowed" to like and you don't HAVE to like certain things either. I'm really sorry that you're feeling low about this, but there are definitely people like you and people who will accept you for who you are - even though it really doesn't feel like it at times.

I like traditionally "girly" things, "nerdy" things and "boy" things. I'm just me, and it can be hard to feel ok with that, but I think it's better than the alternative - you know what you like, and I'm sure you'd rather have those things than not, right?

Thank you, that makes me feel a bit better to see something positive about myself there

Thank you Goblin you really get it!

Goblin said:

I don't want to overstep or assume, but it seems you might be a bit at odds over these differing interests because they are generally depicted as opposite sides of a spectrum? Like if you enjoy one of these things you aren't supposed to or allowed to enjoy the other, which is totally dumb and nonsensical.

That's exactly it! That's what I meant by fitting into a box, people define each other by catagories and I dont seem to fit into any of them so it leaves me a bit lonley and friendless unless I mask pretty hard.

I feel like Sporty people would laugh at me for my sensitive side and more arty sensitive people get put off by the sporty, bantery side.Both have happened to me in the past. Leaves me a bit stuck in the middle and alone. I wish everyone could just be taken for what they are 

To me, it sounds like you are quite a flexible person who is able to adapt to whoever you are with. I think that's a strength.

I don't think anything is wrong with liking all of those things, and you shouldn't feel like you have to hide. Even if people don't enjoy the same things as you, if they're good people they can still appreciate that you enjoy it.

I have a lot of really varied interests, and have a new hyperfixation every other week. I'm sad that you feel you have to fit in any box, but I also relate to the feeling too. It's easy to say on paper that its better to be yourself, but it doesn't always feel that way.

I don't want to overstep or assume, but it seems you might be a bit at odds over these differing interests because they are generally depicted as opposite sides of a spectrum? Like if you enjoy one of these things you aren't supposed to or allowed to enjoy the other, which is totally dumb and nonsensical.

There are people out there who will enjoy you and your interests because they're yours and what you like, even if they don't have that specific interest themselves. If we were all the same it'd be pretty boring, and it can actually be really interesting to learn about someones passions you don't share.

one job i had, i used to cycle in along a canal. i loved watching the animals as the seasons went by. the baby lambs and ducks and cygnets ... watching they grow up .. it was lovely.