Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am new here.
I'm Rosa, but I would rather be called Rose
Please forgive I have a hard time putting my thoughts and feelings into words.
I have had I very hard childhood. Since my birth father died when I was 6 years old, I am now 22. But he died of a drug overdose, I was placed in foster care when I was 11. I have been having suicide thoughts since my birth father died. I have attempted before.
if you are actively thinking about carrying it out, I highly recommend you call the suicide hotline or emergency services rn. If you tell me your city, I can look them up for you. Otherwise, a quick google search will provide those numbers. If not, it might be helpful to have them on hand just in case.
BTW, I recently came out of a 3-month suicidal episode because I ended a horribly abusive relationship. I got real close. I wanted to die but didn't want to hurt anyone, so I was trying to make it look like an accident. However, I'm so happy I didn't right now. If you're going through hell, keep going. The pain is not forever, but death is. Get some expert help from a therapist that understands you. It's okay to go shopping around. I've had therapists that made things worse. Then, I found one that was an expert on narcissistic abuse and another that was autistic herself. I feel like after years of therapy, I have hope that I will finally make major permanent improvements with the help of a therapist that is a great fit for me
Also, this song was super helpful at the time: https://youtu.be/EGgowW6AOyw
Thank you, after the first time I had attempted, I have only thought of it and sometimes it comes in such strong waves, were I just want to do it but I think of the people that I would hurt so I don't do it. But I have been suffering in silence for awhile now.