Published on 12, July, 2020
How do y'all feel about an autistic person identifying as an "aut*st" or calling their autistic friends they have close relationships with the same word? My autistic friend prefers it because he says it is "taking the word back", but only autistic people can use it. He likens it to the n-word or h*llbilly.
Personally, I agree with him. In fact, I designed a shirt that says "All my friends are aut*sts" (but actually spelled out without the astrix). It's from a running personal joke where I was completely unaware I was autistic and just thought I liked autistic people, which is why I would say, "All my friends are autistic." Using the word "aut*sts" in the shirt would be an indirect way of disclosing my autism flavor since only autistic people can use it. Would this shirt be offensive?
Whilst I personally don't think it's on the same level as racial slurs like the N-word (there's a lot of dark history behind words like that, that's why they're so deplorable) I think that allistic people should tread with caution when using words like 'autist' and 'Aspie'. I always feel a bit irritated when allistic people use those terms; it can feel a bit 'cringey', or like they're taking the mickey, even when that isn't the intention at all. I strongly believe it's best to stick with 'Autistic person' if you're unsure – or, better still, ask the person what they're comfortable referring to themselves as! Person-first is becoming less and less acceptable (thankfully!) although I know some Autistic people still prefer it and that's entirely their right, if that's how they're comfortable then that's absolutely fine. I'm not sure about 'running personal jokes' about friends being Autistic...if that works in your friendship group and everyone's happy then cool, but reading that I just think of an ex-friend of mine going on about how she's sure all the guys she's been in relationships with have been Autistic, how she said, 'I clearly, like, just have a think for, like, people on the spectrum...*giggle giggle giggle*'. I get that this is a totally different situation and that it turns out you're Autistic yourself, so you were clearly feeling genuine connections with people who turned out to share your neurotype, but just in a broader context...it's not a quirky aesthetic/personality trait/kink/thing to look for in a friend or partner; that doesn't sit right with me. Just my opinion.