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Just diagnosed and feel like I'm falling apart

RosieRosie

Hello all,

Thank you for all your kindness on my previous post. Assessment was done yesterday (with parents' involvement) and confirmed that I am autistic.

I had that rush of relief initially as I really didn't think the psychiatrist would agree, but I'm now completely overwhelmed and broken by it all. It's not helping that, out the four people who know, three have already said "I'm surprised you were diagnosed" / "Ah but we all feel this way, you must have it very mildly." I just want to scream in frustration and anger at that.

I feel like thirty years of trauma and realisation is hitting me all at once and I don't know who to turn to or what to do.

I was expecting to feel a bit all over the place after the assessment, but I'm really surprised at how strong this feeling is and it's scaring me a bit.

  • I was diagnosed recently and I was also surprised that dealing with it was harder than I expected. I pretty much knew I was autistic (both my children already had a diagnosis and I’d done so much research about autism so that I could be a good parent to them so I soon realised I was autistic too). But it still threw me somehow to actually get the diagnosis. I think we just have to accept that it takes time to process these things. It triggers a lot of soul searching and makes us look back at our life so far and see some things differently. 
    I’m sorry it’s also been difficult for you. Give yourself the time and space to adjust - I’m sure that in the long run it will be positive for you. You’re not alone - people in this community really do understand.  Good luck with it all.

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    This is a wonderful reply, thank you for posting. 

  • I agree with the other commenters. It definitely takes time to adjust. I'm two years down the line from diagnosis and I still have times when I doubt myself or wonder what it means for my life. It does get easier with time though. Sadly, there isn't much you can do about it (unless perhaps you can afford therapy, and find a therapist who understands autism) other than wait for your mind to work things through. But it will get better eventually, you just have to be kind to yourself in the meantime.

  • Those people mean well but they are saying the wrong thing, as it invalidates the reality of your experience. The fact is, you were affected enough to seek a 'diagnosis', they were not. That's already a marked distinction.

    I had some of those comments, but I've also had 'I could have told you for nothing - it was plain as day' - so a lot is down to perceptiveness of the mask and its nuances. I hope you feel better soon. Imposter syndrome will flare up from time to time (usually when you're in a quiet space where the environment is more in alignment with you, and you feel 'fine'), but then you'll soon find yourself having a day where there is no room for doubt, and it's important to remember those moments especiallyu. Plus the fact that a professional has made an accurate and formal diagnosis. 

    Hope you feel better soon.

  • I am awaiting diagnosis but when trying to explain some problems to my wife. She would say stuff about normal people struggling with those things too and I just can't articulate things to get through to her. Many seem to think all people with autism should be in the corner stimming and shouting, they have no idea about high functioning autism. get those people to watch the Chris Packham programme, and stuff on you tube. Only by educating them might they change.

    it is natural to have a come down after such a big, possibly traumatic , event like and assment. I have just found it good to be kinder to myself, give the autistic me more time and less preassue. Atleast you now 100% know what many problems would have been in your life up to now, you now know your 'enemy'.