Published on 12, July, 2020
A discussion in this forum made me ask myself this question, what's gender?. I googled it but what I found there didn't make much sense to me. I always thought that the gender of the other person doesn't tell me much about who they are. It just informs me about the appropriate pronouns that this person wants me to use with them. Frankly I don't care about figuring out my gender. I was born in a woman's body and I never felt like it's the wrong one. I think I'd feel the same if I was born in a man's body. I have never spent time thinking about this part of myself because I never thought that it's important enough to me. I'll be the same person anyway, no? I don't think it would change much about who I am... Can anyone share how they understand gender?
People may find this article interesting. (https://inews.co.uk/news/non-binary-american-uk-stuck-legal-limbo-gender-2242643)
about 25% of the world now legally recognises some form of non binary gender. The uk does not. The person in question is legally recognised as non binary in the country of origin. They have applied to get their non binary gender recognised under uk law. In principle the body involved has agreed. The paper work has been issued. But even if they get that paperwork other government bodies like the passport office and the dvla are saying they might not go along with it.
that said with so many people with an X on their passport coming to live in the uk the government may be forced to make some sort of rule to account for their status at some point. At which point pressure to extend that rule to UK citizens will inevitably be brought to bare.
thing with none binary is it gets misused...a person cant say they are none binary... but then say they are trans man to woman or something... because that is still inside the binary they just changed from one to the other inside that binary.to be none binary a person has to say they are neither a man nor a woman but something else outside of that entirely. that is true none binary. but most people using it still call themselves a man or a woman and are still inside the binary themselves. which harms its definition and power as a word.edit: but then theyd have trouble defining what none binary is, what is outside man or woman, they dont know, they dont have a name for it, because its sorta made up... after thinking on it myself the only conclusion i came to is that theyd have to make it like a sexuality where from straight and gay they had to go in between to make asexual... therefore none binary is redundant, they have no name for any other gender... the only thing they could really validly say is instead that they consider themselves Agendered....
Caelus said:edit: but then theyd have trouble defining what none binary is, what is outside man or woman, they dont know, they dont have a name for it
But we do have a name for it. Historically it was hermaphroditism and in modern medicine you’d say intersex.
Peter said:Ok but the otherkin really do mean it. you kinda glossed over that one.
If you are asking do I accept them? As part of being LGBTQ? Depends on if it falls under MOGAI. If they are having a spiritual thing as some claim then it probably comes under religious freedom. I don't proclaim to understand what exactly goes on in their heads but if it's important to them and it harms none I don't see how it would be any skin off my nose to call them whatever it is they want to be called. Even if it's a bit "out there".""It often feels like non binary is a label adopted purely to give an individual a pretext to try and police the thinking of others. And that I think people find objectionable.""Again I think that is optics, which is a shame, because most folks identifying as NB genuinely are not trying to pull someone's leg but just honestly trying to live their truth.
Peter said:I'm fairly sure there is meaning independent of society. For example on a desert island with no society hunger thirst and boredom all have meaning.
Ah I think you misunderstod the definition of a construct. That's fine, the world isn't going to fall apart if it's been misunderstood.
Peter said:Conversely if it doesn't matter what you do so long as it hurts no body it shouldn't mater if I accept it or not, so long as I still treat people well regardless of how they define their gender.
I think this comes back around to a similar area I mentioned in my first line. And earlier, when I explained your gender and how you experience it is %100 correct for YOU. If by which you mean you cannot understand my point of view because you aren't standing in my shoes (which would be weird because then you wouldn't be you, you'd be me) so you are just for lack of a better phrase "humouring" me then no I suppose the end result is the same more or less regardless. But the respect still matters construct or not, because I think you will agree that if someone would correct the pronouns they use for a dog they previously misidentified as a "good boy" when it's really a "good girl" not abiding by a request to use certain pronouns for trans/nb is worse than dehumanising if a person would respect a dog more than another person who has done them no harm. Which is why understanding doesn't have to be the pre-requisite of acceptance imo.(I wasn't going to hit send on this as I already sent my other message regarding having to go on bed rest, but it was already more or less typed up anyway and I just realised it was still here as I was going through and closing down my tabs.) Take care of yourself Peter, I hope to see you around the forums again when I eventually come back. /gen
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:but people who say they identify as an attack helicopter almost never mean it, it's just a dishonest misrepresentation to be petty to trans and NB people.
Ok but the otherkin really do mean it. you kinda glossed over that one.
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:In a world where there is no inherent meaning save what constructs society creates for itself depending on where you want to rip that structure apart the anarchy can either be terrifying or liberating.
I'm fairly sure there is meaning independent of society. For example on a desert island with no society hunger thirst and boredom all have meaning.
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:Because if you really feel "'you can do what you like so long as it doesn't hurt any one,'" then it shouldn't matter if my gender can be measured or not for you (the royal you if needs be) to accept it.
Conversely if it doesn't matter what you do so long as it hurts no body it shouldn't mater if I accept it or not, so long as I still treat people well regardless of how they define their gender.
You see that's what people resent. Being told how to think. I don't care what labels you (the royal you) use. I don't care which changing room you use. I only care about what you do to your body to the extent that doctors have a duty to do no harm and therefor do some due diligence that the procedure they offer you do more good than harm and that you are competent to consent to them. These are matters for you. I resent and I think most people resent being told how I must think of you (the royal you) as male, female or something else.
It often feels like non binary is a label adopted purely to give an individual a pretext to try and police the thinking of others. And that I think people find objectionable.
Peter said:That's a bit wishy washy don't you think? Another non binary person can't look inside your head and see if your perception of your own neurology being non binary is the same as theirs? If gender is just a feeling how does anyone know their feelings are the same as anyone else's?
Not wishy washy at all. Your gender is your gender others don't have to understand everything about it to accept it.
Peter said:To borrow a hyperboly from 4chan, if I feel like my gender is attack helicopter why isn't it?
You're asking the wrong question. If you feel your gender is whatever then it is, but people who say they identify as an attack helicopter almost never mean it, it's just a dishonest misrepresentation to be petty to trans and NB people.
Peter said:How can we put a number on your feeling of being non binary?
You can't, and the innability to measure it doesn't change the outcome, I still am , always was, and will always be, but people who are bothered by that should really be asking theselves why it bothers them. In a world where there is no inherent meaning save what constructs society creates for itself depending on where you want to rip that structure apart the anarchy can either be terrifying or liberating.It's odd and sad how that "'you can do what you like so long as it doesn't hurt any one,'" attitude was never really upheld even back then, and is markedly absent now , it is surface level patter and optics and no more than that. Because if you really feel "'you can do what you like so long as it doesn't hurt any one,'" then it shouldn't matter if my gender can be measured or not for you (the royal you if needs be) to accept it.
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:Do you hang out with current LGBTQ groups btw? GNCs (gender non conforming folks) that are otherwise still cis or hetero but come in good faith are welcome in those spaces.
Not really. I find they are full of easily offended people and I'm good at inadvertently offending people. I've never really felt the need to advocate for LGBT rights ... I'm more into human rights. I just happen to recognise that LGBT individuals are humans who's often get a raw deal. I've generally found the anime community to be more accepting. Even back in the so called 'toxic' days of the 00s where people really didn't give 2 hoots about politically correct language if you wanted to run around crossdressing or hooking up with the same sex no one really cared in the anime community. There was a trans man in our anime society for years and I never knew. He had a gender neutral name looked like a tomboyish girl and never made a fuss about his pronouns. I had assumed he was a girl for years till some one mentioned it to me.
No one made a fuss 'you can do what you like so long as it doesn't hurt any one,' was the prevailing attitude.
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:Indeed that is why I mentioned your identity is based on"gonadal sex" (I made a whole glossary earlier if you want to check it out). I don't know if this is gettng missed in the discussion but I'm actually affirming your own gender and it's basis, that is what it means t be cis and evidently it is right for you. That just doesn't mean it's right for everyone else. I'll explain why at the end.
I mean gonadal sex isn't a very good term. Women with CAIS have testicals but are generally considered cis women.
When I talk about a spectrum I guess I'm really taking about a high dimensional space of independent traits. Like a list of numbers. like say the list from before in my first post. (I'll copy paste)
Now consider where a typical woman with CAIS would sit on that spectrum if we assign each property to a binary number. She's probably be 1000110011. That would be her position in the spectrum. Now consider a boy raised as a girl castrated before puberty who goes by they. They would probably be 0000010001. Then consider a chimera hermaphrodite their number might be 1111111111. You can come up with lots of systems for sorting this 'spectrum' into categories just as we sort wavelengths of light into colours like red and blue. All I'm saying by referring to spectrums and multiple genders is you need at least 3 to capture the sense of 'male' and 'female' in typical english and for functional reasons more than 3 might be needed in practice.
๐ Bees ๐ (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:I don't disagree with your 2nd to last paragraph above the quoted one, but as a NB gender person I can say that tieing identiy to transition or wanting to transition is false, I don't always want my body to be different, actually I'm most days pretty comfy, and that is because my gender is not tied to the acceptance or rejection of my body or gonadal sex, you can say it's in my neurology or in my soul, but I would still be nonbinary no matter what my body looked or acted like.
That's a bit wishy washy don't you think? Another non binary person can't look inside your head and see if your perception of your own neurology being non binary is the same as theirs? If gender is just a feeling how does anyone know their feelings are the same as anyone else's? To borrow a hyperboly from 4chan, if I feel like my gender is attack helicopter why isn't it? Surely there needs to be an external reference point. Let me put it another way. You've heard of other kin? People who believe they are the reincarnated souls of non humans, often fictional characters. What does it mean to believe you are the reincarnation of the fictional sherlock holmes? How is that a cultural / group identity if it exists only in your head? The body and the changes we can make to it or aspire to make for it are quantifiable. We can put numbers on the size of genitals, hormone levels, sequences of DNA. How can we put a number on your feeling of being non binary?
Peter & Bees
Thank you for reminding me what a calm, cordial, and reasoned discussion looks like in this place.
It sustains my faith that there is always hope.....and this is how I learn stuff - so thank you for that to.
Number.
Peter said:as Iโve said my own view of gender is that it is a spectrum not a binary. But youโre right while some people might include performative elements (like who wears the trousers) for me personally I wouldnโt. I tend to think of it more in terms of what body parts does some one have / want to have.
Indeed that is why I mentioned your identity is based on"gonadal sex" (I made a whole glossary earlier if you want to check it out). I don't know if this is gettng missed in the discussion but I'm actually affirming your own gender and it's basis, that is what it means t be cis and evidently it is right for you. That just doesn't mean it's right for everyone else. I'll explain why at the end.
Peter said:and it was more of an aside anyway. The point I was making is gender is a spectrum but if you try to categorise it there must be at least 3 genders.
It's funny because I don't think we disagree per se', but the minutia of the points we have to make appears to differ, but yes a spectrum absolutely. But if you(people in general) "boil it down" I can see why you might say 3 eg female, male, and neither of the other two. But surely that's a trinary not a spectrum and others less intellectualy open to such concepts as a spectrum would ignore the "at least " part, which is pretty much where we are at in terms of more rudimentary scientiffic understanding with gonadal sex currently.
Peter said:yes thatโs probably the most functional useful way to think about gender. Gender as the way we want our bodies to be as compared to how they actually are as compared to how they are perceived by ourselves and others.
I don't disagree with your 2nd to last paragraph above the quoted one, but as a NB gender person I can say that tieing identiy to transition or wanting to transition is false, I don't always want my body to be different, actually I'm most days pretty comfy, and that is because my gender is not tied to the acceptance or rejection of my body or gonadal sex, you can say it's in my neurology or in my soul, but I would still be nonbinary no matter what my body looked or acted like. That's what my identity is to me. I am nonbinary because I know I am, I've known since day one way back in the 80s.