Too late?

*overwhelmed

Thank you Roy. What you’ve written has been helpful and sensitive.  The AQ50 did send me into a bit of a spin and feeling a bit over with what to focus on when or why.  I’m trying not to hyper focus on this as something I have to do to fit in (again) Kind responses like yours help me remember I can go at my own pace. 

Hi, your AQ50 does give an indication of autism, after the ‘ light bulb moment’ it did send me into a tailspin, it took me a lot of courage to see my GP but I knew I had to do it, he was really understanding, they are the gatekeepers, some are really good, some don’t understand autism. 
With regard to Uni allowances, things like exams, you will be given extra time and be in a smaller group, you will be allowed a quiet place to be away from other people, there is pastoral care for autistic people. One thing I did wrong was to try and process my life too quickly, it’s all the things from childhood that I didn’t understand  but knew I was different, the bullies also knew we’re different.  
Take it slowly, I made it a new special interest and ended up with a year long burnout. There are some really good YouTube videos, Yosamdysam , Sam Stein was really helpful, BBC Sounds has a podcast called 1800 seconds on Autism, my favourite is Sara Gibbs, she did a series of podcasts, I read her book as an audiobook called Drama Queen, she was late diagnosed, her podcasts interviews autistic authors, mostly late diagnosed women, it’s called Aut-hour. You most probably feel like you are on fire at the moment and thinking about everything. When I did finally approach my doctor, he reassured me, he was surprised I had got this far through life. Just deep breaths and go for it.

DBAR

OK.  (But not sure what A2D means)

I do not mean to pry.

A2D none of the above

Hello Spidynose.  I am Number.  We are similarly aged.

I have a question = "what do you hope to happen if you attain a formal diagnosis?"

Is it just reassurance that you are "definitely" autistic.....or do you anticipate other changes or support to appear?

NAS65321 said:

I would say the diagnosis is only a small part, exploring your own mind is just as important

Absolutely......although I would probably be tempted to go further and say that exploring your own mind is THE most important.

Thank you.  I like Tigers a lot!

Have you been able to access help or support 'as if' you had the diagnoses during this time?  I hope so. 

These replies have helped me already.

I did fill in something called the Autism Spectrum Quotient on a page that was linked with Right to Choose.  I scored 45/50 .  I think the first step seems to be even getting a GP appointment is difficult.  I feel a lot of anxiety about how I'm going to communicate this journey with anyone let alone the doctor largely because i've become pretty adept at hiding and masking (at a great personal price alas)  I honestly think not much is going to change in reality - because I'm a mum if anything - but that at least if there's something I want or need to do in my life (even things like drive somewhere I've not been before) I might know how and when to ask for help.  I don't know if there is anything I can do about my acute sense of smell though, is there?  2 meters distance during the pandemic was such a relief (but actually not enough as I'd prefer 3 meters or more)...not so much fear of corona but because I had a break from smelling other people's breath, body, perfumes etc SLIGHTLY less. 

I went to my GP at the age of 50, now 53 and still waiting. Don't let this put you off, it varies with regions. You also have acess to 'NHS-right to choose' although GP's don't like to tell you about it. This means you can ask for your GP to refer you to a private provider paid for by the NHS.

I would say the diagnosis is only a small part, exploring your own mind is just as important. Youtube is an important resource, have a look at 'Yo Samdy Sam' she was diagnosed in her 30's I think and is a mum so she may help you? A diagnosis doesn't change who you are but may help you know what you are betteling against. Good luck. Rob

I mean if there seems to be limited resources I usually don’t feel I can pursue something. E g I might be hungry but if someone else is eyeing up the last sandwich I’ll let them take it.  Or if when I call the doctor and they say something like “please consider whether your request is urgent” I won’t want to bother them.  

yes. Re: relationships.  I mean me too in the true sense. 

I don't think it's too late for you, the diagnosis may help you understand more about yourself and may make things easier moving forward.

Just out of curiosity, what does the competition here infer?

Spideynose said:

I am extremely competition/stress avoidant.

Using the right language can be important. Avoid implies escape, Competition implies an investment into winning against others. But it's not a matter of Personal Agency, which might be the right term if I'm reading this correct?

Many of us have had to try to remove our selves from the clutches of controlling others. We might have a lifetime of this. Apparently, it's also relatively typical for a NT Sociopath male to find the Autistic Female mysterious and alluring, and an easy target only to get a very strong surprise. If you're like me, you might have dated a few or accidentally married one momentarily. Add to this, the social assumption I "attract" this kind of mate (as if Darwin wasn't trying to state animals don't reproduce with a different animal), and it compounds the frustration.

I still need to get a degree! I'm near the same age as you, also single mum. But have ended up in a specialised field by default. I've been in the process of chatting with a university about this and potentially, with the lived experience might even be able to get my doctorate. It might take years, but it's never too late to live life in a way that brings you joy. :)

Thank you this is helpful.  I think I’m in the early stages of recognising myself that being autistic makes sense. I’m also not sure how this forum works yet so sorry if I’m talking too much. 

You basically ask your GP for a Right to Choose, I found it easier to have a face to face conversation with him. The NHS waiting list is about 2-3 years in most counties, shorter in some, I’ve used the wait to process my life and research into autism. To be honest school in the 1980’s would have been no help, autism wasn’t really understood, try not to beat yourself up too much. We can’t alter the past, the future is up to you.

I looked and it bamboozled me.  Do you know where I can find more help?

Thanks Roy. Did it take a long time to get the diagnosis? I’m daunted by the process and also trying to process all the regret of my needs going overlooked or misunderstood for so long.  (I am in therapy) I feel a lot of pain that in school for example I was predicted straight As and then walked out of nearly every single exam somehow still getting ok grades for most but a couple of unexpected fail and no teacher nor parent ever thought to see if there was a reason. They just expressed disappointment at my not achieving my potential.  I know I can’t get the support retrospectively but it’s a bit maddeningly upsetting that I have to almost fight to be recognised now.  I don’t know what allowances will be given if I get a diagnosis but I hope it might at least stop me from feeling so locked out of a (very weird to me) “normal” system 

You can ask for ‘ Right to Choose’ the NHS will pay for a private assessment. Give it a google.