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Too late?

Spideynose

Hello

At the age of 50 I’m trying to get up the courage to ask my GP to refer me for autism diagnoses. 
I feel very scared.  After a lifetime of struggle I’m almost wondering if it’s worth the fear of more stress and possibly not being able to access support. Im pretty sure the doctor will believe me.  I score very highly on the various online tests and I’ve got a medical record of problems that puzzled the doctors and were not resolved by interventions such as SSRIs or sending me to dieticians or doing MRI of my brain.  But I’m stressed out because I feel like it’s a race against the clock as well as horrendously hard to access NHS care now with the added pressure to have to self advocate (I’m a very single mum) and I am extremely competition/stress avoidant.  Im thinking about it now because I’d like to do a masters but I know won’t survive it unless my situation or needs are formally recognised.  My last qualification nearly killed me to try to get dissertation done and I had a year long extension and still struggled hellishly. 
Im worried that it’s too late and I feel so alone and in pain.  It would help to know if anyone else has the same situation and if anyone has any encouraging suggestions. 
thanks 

Parents

  • These replies have helped me already.

    I did fill in something called the Autism Spectrum Quotient on a page that was linked with Right to Choose.  I scored 45/50 .  I think the first step seems to be even getting a GP appointment is difficult.  I feel a lot of anxiety about how I'm going to communicate this journey with anyone let alone the doctor largely because i've become pretty adept at hiding and masking (at a great personal price alas)  I honestly think not much is going to change in reality - because I'm a mum if anything - but that at least if there's something I want or need to do in my life (even things like drive somewhere I've not been before) I might know how and when to ask for help.  I don't know if there is anything I can do about my acute sense of smell though, is there?  2 meters distance during the pandemic was such a relief (but actually not enough as I'd prefer 3 meters or more)...not so much fear of corona but because I had a break from smelling other people's breath, body, perfumes etc SLIGHTLY less. 

  • in reply to Spideynose

    Hi, your AQ50 does give an indication of autism, after the ‘ light bulb moment’ it did send me into a tailspin, it took me a lot of courage to see my GP but I knew I had to do it, he was really understanding, they are the gatekeepers, some are really good, some don’t understand autism. 
    With regard to Uni allowances, things like exams, you will be given extra time and be in a smaller group, you will be allowed a quiet place to be away from other people, there is pastoral care for autistic people. One thing I did wrong was to try and process my life too quickly, it’s all the things from childhood that I didn’t understand  but knew I was different, the bullies also knew we’re different.  
    Take it slowly, I made it a new special interest and ended up with a year long burnout. There are some really good YouTube videos, Yosamdysam , Sam Stein was really helpful, BBC Sounds has a podcast called 1800 seconds on Autism, my favourite is Sara Gibbs, she did a series of podcasts, I read her book as an audiobook called Drama Queen, she was late diagnosed, her podcasts interviews autistic authors, mostly late diagnosed women, it’s called Aut-hour. You most probably feel like you are on fire at the moment and thinking about everything. When I did finally approach my doctor, he reassured me, he was surprised I had got this far through life. Just deep breaths and go for it.

  • in reply to Roy

    Thank you Roy. What you’ve written has been helpful and sensitive.  The AQ50 did send me into a bit of a spin and feeling a bit over with what to focus on when or why.  I’m trying not to hyper focus on this as something I have to do to fit in (again) Kind responses like yours help me remember I can go at my own pace. 

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