Do you think it's ok to ask my parents if i can call them by their names instead of mum and dad?

Roy said:

I was never a child to be hugged or actually touched

Same here but on one occasion when my grandmother visited our house my mother demonstrated how i should hug her....like "put your arms round her like this" 

Roy said:

Your mother is most probably lonely, I would say limit the interaction and do it by your rules

She definitely is lonely. About 6 weeks ago i said i only want to see them twice a week and they've respected that so far. 

Roy said:

it can become too much

They've been too much my whole life but i'm taking the right steps now to help myself 

It’s a hard one, my mother is 76, I was never a child to be hugged or actually touched, I still find it a sensory overload. I most probably sound horrible, I have never felt any connection to my parents, I always said as a child that my real parents will come and get me one day. I was called a snob, I tried to explain that, “you’re not like me.”  Your mother is most probably lonely, I would say limit the interaction and do it by your rules, it can become too much.  I don’t actually call my mother anything, I just say, hello, goodbye and so on. We don’t really ever use names. When I have interaction, my wife is normally with me and steers the conversation.

NAS85295 said:

I was abused as a child by both parents

Sorry to hear that happened to you. I don't think i was abused but was quite badly neglected (not material things but advice, guidance, supervision etc) My parents and especially my mother are very controlling but i didn't see it because it was so normal and started when i was young. 

I was abused as a child by both parents I struggle Christmas and birthdays I don’t class them has my parents but loyal as I am the only child I know exactly what you mean I changed my name in anger but went back due to my children objecting hope this helps you knowing you aren’t alone 

A card yes but i already spent a fortune on them at Christmas (which i won't be doing again). Not sure about a present

You are going to buy your mother a card and some flowers I hope? 
when you write the card use her name then.

Every day, I feel more strongly that we are the norm and NTs are the strange exception. The only thing they have over us is numbers. It takes a nation of millions to hold us back.

Bodhisattva- neil said:

Sadly my birth mother died when I was young teenager, and my father died in autumn of last year. 

Sorry to hear that. 

For some reason i never say Hi Mum on text messages...i'll just put hi or hello. I asked for space from them about 6 weeks ago which has helped enormously but mothers day is coming up and i'm hesitant and unsure what to do about it. After realizing im autistic in December i've started paying more attention to things in every aspect of my life pretty much, stuff that i would do because it was the done thing

Sadly my birth mother died when I was young teenager, and my father died in autumn of last year. 
He re-married so calling my step mother by her name was natural, I did address my father by his name from that point in time.