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Dependency

....

Hi,

I have never really done forums or online social things before so I hope I am using this correctly!

I just wondered if anyone else depends on someone, like a parent or partner, to help with 'adulting'. I rely on my parents for most things such as sorting and attending medical appointments (I struggle with speech when I'm anxious and I never understand what is going on), helping me understand and remind me about bills and rent, taking me to places and situations that I find difficult, taking me back to the family home during meltdowns, ect. They basically do everything for me as they are truly awesome!! 

I wondered if anyone else needed this support? I know my mum worries about the future and how I will cope if they aren't there (which I cannot bear to think about). Does anyone have any advice or thoughts? 

Thank you! 

  • I have one specific area where I struggle like this: cooking. Theoretically I do know how to do it, but every time I try, I get completely overwhelmed and often end up on the verge of a meltdown. When I lived at home, my mum cooked, and then I went into catered halls of residence at uni, so people interpret it as laziness or never learning how, but it's not. It's actually this thread that made me realise it's an autism thing for me!

    I think the problem with cooking is that I can't just follow a recipe exactly and do one thing at a time, like you can with baking. You need to multitask and adapt the recipe to your own tastes, and I just can't manage that- plus I'm horribly accident-prone. One time I tried to cook and set a tea towel on fire, which was awful then but quite funny now.

    And of course, while a lot of people would be able to get by with meal kits or pre-prepared food, I have a limited range of foods I can eat, which makes it all worse. If I didn't have a partner who enjoys cooking and actively enjoys a game of "how many meals can we make from the things Gem can eat" I honestly have no idea how I'd feed myself properly.

  • Welcome to the community Relaxed

    I've needed a lot of support from my mum throughout my adult life. With advancing age she is less able to help and the situation has very much reversed. It's tough and I find things much more difficult on my own.

    You could try to take on a task yourself, just one thing at a time so that you do not become too overwhelmed. If you don't understand you can ask your parents to explain. Also you can find explanations for just about everything online.

    I have a lot of problems with speech too. Most things can be done online these days, by email or live chat. You can explain how you prefer to communicate and ask for reasonable adjustments. Sometimes that strategy is successful and other times it can be extremely frustrating.

    As far as going to places I find it helps to research everything in advance. I check places using google street view so that I know exactly where I'm going and what to expect. I can still get lost though Flushed

    To avoid meltdowns in public it helps to try and work out what your triggers are and try to remove yourself from a situation before it reaches the point of complete overwhelm.

  • I rely on my parents for some things, mostly financial (both in terms of I don't earn enough money and in terms of needing advice on things like tax). I still live with them (I'm thirty-nine) and it does help that I don't have to do all the cooking and housework.

    I'm in the middle of getting married (awkward way of putting it because it's a long process due to immigration issues) and my wife has a lot of autistic symptoms too. We worry a bit about how we'll cope.

  • I don't have advice because I'm in the same situation, but I just wanted to say I get what you're saying exactly! I rely on my mother for all those things you mentioned too and it's definitely something that plays on my mind a lot - what I will do when she's not there. At the moment I'm just trying my best not to think about it but it's still always in the back of my mind Pensive