Forum changing

It seems to me like the autism community online has changed massively, including this forum to a certain extent. There has been a huge influx of autistic women, who because they are women are more functional and significantly more social and do not suffer from many of the issues that autistic men have traditionally faced. They tend to become more involved and post more often. They typically have many friends and multiple boyfriends in the past and face a totally different set of problems. They are much more motivated by feelings. They form cliques, and begin to police how people behave.

Autistic boys and men who have very logical minds and struggle greatly with socialising and forming connections with people, and resistant to change, get sidelined and eventually leave because they don't fit in with this group and have nothing in common with them. They are often made to feel ashamed for saying the wrong thing or not behaving appropriately.

A defining characteristic of autism is not knowing what's appropriate to say or how to do these little social shibboleths, or how to receive and interpret those signals. They do not understand what they've done wrong, only that they have been made to feel bad and so leave the place that makes them feel like that.

In this way, a lot of previously safe spaces for autistic men to discuss their difficulties and issues are lost, and just become indistuinguishable from being on Twitter with a lot of people shouting very loudly and insulting you if you don't conform to the narrow definition of what's acceptable, and shaming you for any behaviour or opinion that differs, even just describing your own experiences. So yeah, places do change.

Also tangential to this is a trend I've noticed recently of left wing women who watch a 30 second TikTok video about "5 signs you might be autistic" with things like "you feel lonely" or "you are different to others" and then they think are autistic. These women collect labels like "neurodiverse" and "non-binary" as if they were Pokemon - the more you have the better. They tend to be very politically motivated and want to change things, preaching tolerance and want to have as many victim-badges as they can get. And then they come into a group and demand the group changes to accommodate them, stop using words they've always used etc and redefine words. I'm not saying that's what has happened on this forum, that's just another related thing I have noticed.

I hope nobody is offended by me saying this, it's not targeted at anyone, it's just a pattern I have noticed repeatedly over the years. It's gets tiresome, I feel continually marginalised and isolated. I don't think this place is a good place to discuss current affairs or politics, people will have very different opinions, but nowadays autism has for some reason been claimed as a political issue inextricably linked to a lot of left wing diversity politics and that's where the division comes from.

I'll admit I had a very visceral reaction at first to the prisoners thread, and as I was upset and exhausted I may not have articulated my concerns very clearly.  I've just added a post there to explain more coherently why I think discussing it is a problem. 

When certain issues that are close to our values and painful experiences are put right there out of the blue then we may well react and blow up like a puffer fish.  

We're autistic.  Sometimes we will say offensive things without realising it.  The trick is to listen to each other when we say why something has hurt us and learn from each other.

So if person A said, "Black lives matter" and person B responded "All lives matter," then person A has a right to be upset and tell person B why. And instead of complaining about being attacked or cancelled, the person B needs to listen and learn and maybe even apologise.

Unfortunately in the reporting system on this site there's no way to say why you're bringing a particular post to a mods attention.  The only option is to flag it for abuse.  

You're definitely not alone in how you feel, and I find it can be difficult not to feel dragged down by it. 

I know many of the 'regular crowd' have been feeling out of sorts since Luna's death, and I'm inclined to think this has contributed to the general mood of the forums. Admittedly, I'm aware tensions were starting to build before the death of this forum's wonderful Earth Angel.

I've definitely perceived "something" of what you mention, and like you, I don't welcome whatever that something is.  Hard for me to articulate what it is - and I haven't discounted the possibility that "its not you, it's me."

Out_of_step makes good points above.

Thank you guys, I feel a lot better being on here after reading your posts. I guess I just got a bit down due to the argueing. I get enough of that in the "normal" world and come here to escape it so it got me down

Thank you all for reminding me what a supportive place it actually is here most of the time 

Billy87 said:

Does anyone else feel the tone of the forum is changing a bit lately? People seem to be argueing with each other a bit more and there seem to be more endless debates about issues

As someone who has been a community member here since about November 2016 ~ it more generally gets tricky as the enervation of Winter becomes in the hypertensive sense the vitalisation of Spring, with the Easter holidays having gotten really problematic in the past due to a lack of moderation during the holidays ~ and of course people decompressing after a life-time of repressed normalised abuse, and as such acting and venting it out to varying extents ~ involving a few becoming mod-fodder and having their accounts deleted, and others in smaller or larger groupings leaving for much safer website support forums, or a quieter life in general.

I find the forum lately to have had a really supportive atmosphere. I just don't engage in the controversial topics because they can become toxic and life is already stressful enough. At least online we can have a choice what we engage with

I don’t care about NT’s, they don’t do a very good job accepting those that are different. Hopefully this place will not turn into something like an NT forum.

Billy87 said:

Does anyone else feel the tone of the forum is changing a bit lately? People seem to be argueing with each other a bit more and there seem to be more endless debates about issues

Tbh I find the outside NT world very like that and I come here to escape it all. 

I’ve got to be honest I always felt it was an NT thing. The need to fill conversation with small talk to avoid controversy. I always assumed that’s why cliques formed. So the week minded could avoid having their opinions challenged by opposing view points.

lol be grateful. I’m holding back. Left to my own devices I might go on and on about so called ‘inappropriate’ anime or weird science or things even more controversial than that.