Forum changing

It seems to me like the autism community online has changed massively, including this forum to a certain extent. There has been a huge influx of autistic women, who because they are women are more functional and significantly more social and do not suffer from many of the issues that autistic men have traditionally faced. They tend to become more involved and post more often. They typically have many friends and multiple boyfriends in the past and face a totally different set of problems. They are much more motivated by feelings. They form cliques, and begin to police how people behave.

Autistic boys and men who have very logical minds and struggle greatly with socialising and forming connections with people, and resistant to change, get sidelined and eventually leave because they don't fit in with this group and have nothing in common with them. They are often made to feel ashamed for saying the wrong thing or not behaving appropriately.

A defining characteristic of autism is not knowing what's appropriate to say or how to do these little social shibboleths, or how to receive and interpret those signals. They do not understand what they've done wrong, only that they have been made to feel bad and so leave the place that makes them feel like that.

In this way, a lot of previously safe spaces for autistic men to discuss their difficulties and issues are lost, and just become indistuinguishable from being on Twitter with a lot of people shouting very loudly and insulting you if you don't conform to the narrow definition of what's acceptable, and shaming you for any behaviour or opinion that differs, even just describing your own experiences. So yeah, places do change.

Also tangential to this is a trend I've noticed recently of left wing women who watch a 30 second TikTok video about "5 signs you might be autistic" with things like "you feel lonely" or "you are different to others" and then they think are autistic. These women collect labels like "neurodiverse" and "non-binary" as if they were Pokemon - the more you have the better. They tend to be very politically motivated and want to change things, preaching tolerance and want to have as many victim-badges as they can get. And then they come into a group and demand the group changes to accommodate them, stop using words they've always used etc and redefine words. I'm not saying that's what has happened on this forum, that's just another related thing I have noticed.

I hope nobody is offended by me saying this, it's not targeted at anyone, it's just a pattern I have noticed repeatedly over the years. It's gets tiresome, I feel continually marginalised and isolated. I don't think this place is a good place to discuss current affairs or politics, people will have very different opinions, but nowadays autism has for some reason been claimed as a political issue inextricably linked to a lot of left wing diversity politics and that's where the division comes from.

It seems to me like the autism community online has changed massively, including this forum to a certain extent. There has been a huge influx of autistic women, who because they are women are more functional and significantly more social and do not suffer from many of the issues that autistic men have traditionally faced. They tend to become more involved and post more often. They typically have many friends and multiple boyfriends in the past and face a totally different set of problems. They are much more motivated by feelings. They form cliques, and begin to police how people behave.

Autistic boys and men who have very logical minds and struggle greatly with socialising and forming connections with people, and resistant to change, get sidelined and eventually leave because they don't fit in with this group and have nothing in common with them. They are often made to feel ashamed for saying the wrong thing or not behaving appropriately.

A defining characteristic of autism is not knowing what's appropriate to say or how to do these little social shibboleths, or how to receive and interpret those signals. They do not understand what they've done wrong, only that they have been made to feel bad and so leave the place that makes them feel like that.

In this way, a lot of previously safe spaces for autistic men to discuss their difficulties and issues are lost, and just become indistuinguishable from being on Twitter with a lot of people shouting very loudly and insulting you if you don't conform to the narrow definition of what's acceptable, and shaming you for any behaviour or opinion that differs, even just describing your own experiences. So yeah, places do change.

Also tangential to this is a trend I've noticed recently of left wing women who watch a 30 second TikTok video about "5 signs you might be autistic" with things like "you feel lonely" or "you are different to others" and then they think are autistic. These women collect labels like "neurodiverse" and "non-binary" as if they were Pokemon - the more you have the better. They tend to be very politically motivated and want to change things, preaching tolerance and want to have as many victim-badges as they can get. And then they come into a group and demand the group changes to accommodate them, stop using words they've always used etc and redefine words. I'm not saying that's what has happened on this forum, that's just another related thing I have noticed.

I hope nobody is offended by me saying this, it's not targeted at anyone, it's just a pattern I have noticed repeatedly over the years. It's gets tiresome, I feel continually marginalised and isolated. I don't think this place is a good place to discuss current affairs or politics, people will have very different opinions, but nowadays autism has for some reason been claimed as a political issue inextricably linked to a lot of left wing diversity politics and that's where the division comes from.

I think it's just self-seeking. The whole 'Diversity' thing has been pushed on them by schools and popstars.

They might regret that, when they get older. However, there are sinister elements; who transend Left/Right politics. 

And this is another example of offending people without meaning too.

You say you feel marginalised and isolated, well I have to say that I have felt the same recently, especially today.  And this post has actually made me feel like quitting.  

I'm non-binary, though many people see me as female.  It took me over a decade to get my diagnosis of autism, but I did get it.  These are not labels that I collect for fun, they are real and difficult things that I deal with. I have exactly the same difficulties with socialising and forming connections.  I have suffered rejection all my life and been taken advantage of multiple times.  But I haven't given up hope that there is a place for me and I keep looking and keep getting left outside the circle.

You might have enjoyed your boys club as it was, but the world is bigger than that and other people have the right to find their voice too.  But actually it's not the left wing or liberal voices that are dominating here, it's the ones holding onto traditional values that leave certain groups of people out.

I've tried to help people be more aware of how their words impact others, but I feel very unheard.  People keep insisting on their right to say hurtful things and demand that I not get offended by it because it's not what they meant.  

If I say that those women didn't mean to leave you out of their clique, they were just trying to share their experiences, does that make it any less painful for you?  Probably not, because the experience of being left out is still the same.

There's no divide between autistic women being more functional than autistic men.  I've only done what I've had to do to survive, and it's left me deeply damaged.  So when someone labels my entire birth sex as the source of the problem, and negates and belittles the challenges that I've faced, then yes that is hurtful.  

I'm not saying any of this to attack, just pointing out that there are two sides.

Well, considering that you don't mean to offend anyone, you somehow generalised in a negative way about women while lamenting the struggles of the very people whose ardent and supposedly forbidden opinions have made this place unpleasant recently. Apparently, those people are to be considered victims, even though they - inevitably and tellingly - despise claims of victimhood. They are the first to cry 'excuse!' at all manner of others' difficulties, yet now we're supposed to accept their Autism as an excuse for their behaviour and attitudes?

Try again.