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No purpose

?

Hi I'm new here.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 10 and my life since becoming an adult is all over the place. I'm 26 in a week's time and I've literally got no purpose and no point. I'm here but I don't know what for. I can't work, I've tried but I can't cope. Each time I try I end up in a mental health hospital and it takes an age to get home again. I have supportive parents but constant family arguing I.E my brothers causes upset and makes home life not so good. I spend all my time in my bedroom listening to music or playing the guitar. Music, singers, bands and instruments are my special interest. I am OBSESSED with music in every way! Sadly no one but my dad is in to music like me but we're slowly drifting apart. I've always found talking to them and people in general hard. It's getting worse and I'm hardly saying anything now. Talking makes me uneasy, it's common in autism I've read that but it still is awkward for me and everyone else.

I'm a big fan of Lego, Star Wars, Doctor Who all sci-fi and supernatural stuff. I like horror books and tv. I also like singing, I've been told I have a good voice.

Going out isn't for me. I get terrible anxiety, panic attacks, meltdowns and shutdowns. I try to stay in, maybe go out for a quiet walk on my own sometimes. I've been reading and writing for a few years, I'd hoped I could make a living at that but it's never gone anywhere. I struggle with finishing what I start with my writing. I've worked on so many projects but never finished one.

I've got no friends and that doesn't really bother me but all my brothers do and it kind of burns being the only one who doesn't.

I just wish I had something off my own.

    But instead I'm here but not really doing anything.

I'm grateful for life and the family I've got but I wish I could be better than I am.

  • I have no friends either, the last time I spent time with someone outside of my immediate family was 2014. I pretty much spend all my time reading and watching YouTube and honestly I would never leave the house ever if that was possible for me, but I have doctor's appointments and stuff. 

    I relate a lot to what you have said in this post and have felt many of the same feelings. I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better, but the only thing I can say for sure is that you're not alone.

    Also, I really love music and supernatural stuff and horror books / TV / movies too so if you ever just wanted to chat about that stuff to take your mind off things then feel free to send me a message Blush

  • Welcome to the community :) 

    It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself and that's causing a lot of pressure for you. You're still young, there's plenty of time for everything just go slow - one step, one day at a time ^^

    Take care xxx

  • Welcome to the community and I just want to say I'm sorry you feel like this and I want to say you're not alone. Honestly most of my day is spent listening to music and I love writing too and I relate to not finishing projects - there's probably fifty stories of mine that were abandoned! If walks are nice maybe try and go on one everyday especially to someone nice like a park or something? Take your earphones with you and get lost in the music and the fresh air and walking might help you clear your head. You don't need to be better - you are already amazing and you don't know what the future holds! I know that sounds so cliche but some people don't know what they want to do with their lives until they're a lot older - my dad didn't find his passion until he was sixty! I'm nearly 24 and I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I know it's a scary feeling but we're not the only ones: most people are just muddling their way through life and hoping everything works out. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you seem like a lovely person and you've got interests and passions which is more than some people do and I think more important than a lot of things people value! It makes you unique and interesting to talk to! You will make friends possibly in places and ways you don't expect - I didn't really have any friends at school or uni but you will find people who get you especially people on here! You have many talents and are a valuable part of this world so please don't feel bad about yourself. We're grateful to have you here Slight smile (ps sorry for the ramble oops)

  • You will get some good advice, but here's some of mine...

    I found the years 20 to forty to be perfectly horrible. I thought i was just me, because that phase in your life is when you are at your peak power, but it's also when our society "bites" hardest. I found I'm not alone at all.

    I'd suggest you treat it all as a learning experience, where your goal is to be true to yourself whilst being kind and helpful to the other people. And be kinder to them the more you realise how horrible they all are.

    Sounds like a paradox, but it got me through a lot, and out the other side. Several times.

  • I love your user name. As a fellow Doctor Who fan, question marks have a special place in my heart. I’m feeling very tired today or I’d try to say something more helpful but I’ll try to when I can. Welcome to the forum. And  dont be so hard on yourself, you’re still so young and you’ve been coping well - or it sounds it to me.