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My autistic boyfriend goes radio silence when stressfull things happen.

NAS84357

Right now, exams are coming up and we need to learn or make them. I know school work drains him and he has a lot of stress but everytime he gets mad at me or he just ignores me out of the blue. Last week I got zero communication just out of nowhere and monday he confessed in his way that school was hard and that he was having long days, he didnt explain why he ignored me the whole week that was just his comments. So i am assuming its the reason he did it but then this wednesday I sent him a text that I wanted to hug him and miss him and he again went radio silence on me after that sentence, did I freak him out? I already askes him if maybe I was the problem and he wanted to break up but to those he doesnt answer and acted all normal Monday. I really dont know what to do. Is his behaviour there because of the huge amount of stress he is going through of school or ? and how do I help to make him feel supported if he just pushes me away for no reason.

  • You are not alone, I’m 55 and have been married for 31 years, my wife knows a lot of my past life, before the realisation of autism, as in her words,”radio silence”.  It takes a bit of learning on both sides.  I still become mute and decline any contact when things become too much. It’s a safety release for autistic people, I now get asked by my wife, sometimes just a comment, can I help, what can I do ? Do you need some space? It’s not all about me, it’s learning to be totally honest with each other. Finding out I’m autistic has honestly saved my life, I feel you are much younger, talk when both of you are ready, His exams will pass, life afterwards is much longer.

  • Hi I get it as I have done this when I am under stress and people want me to talk but I literally shut off, go radio silence is good description. When I am in this state my thoughts are all over the place and I think the best thing is to keep silent. 

  • in reply to Peter

    I want to but he is ignoring all my texts , I dont think blowing him up with texts will help, I just hope he is really okay and that its not something I did that make him behave this way. I hope when he would reach out again to my messages I can discuss this but its hard. 

  • in reply to Peter

    I want to but he is ignoring all my texts , I dont think blowing him up with texts will help, I just hope he is really okay and that its not something I did that make him behave this way. I hope when he would reach out again to my messages I can discuss this but its hard. 

    1. Thanks for answering! I just freaked out cause he deleted me after the cuddle message just on one platform, he has done this before when he was under stress and anxiety, its just hard to not take it personal then you know.

  • Talking is just extra hard work for autistic people when they are stressed.  It's not that he's ignoring you, he's just trying to manage all the pressures that he is under.  Those pressures are even bigger for an autistic person than for a non-autistic one because we don't have access to all the same information that the majority have. 

    When he was able to tell you that school was hard, that was probably a huge deal for him, the kind of conversation that makes your heart pound and your skin prickle.  It's going to take a lot of work to get through those kinds of feelings.  Give him space if he needs it, but let him know that you're there for him when he's ready.

  • He’s probably struggling with energy and anxiety. It probably takes a lot of mental effort to figure out what the right thing to say around you is. And when he’s stressed he probably feels he doesn’t have the energy to do that. How about you suggest to him when he’s very stressed he tells you and you have an arrangement that you’ll hang out but not talk.