Published on 12, July, 2020
What do you do if you can't work in a normal job? I have tried to go to work for 15 years now, job after job and it always ends the same way in a burnout or a breakdown, sometimes both. I am now working in a school again and its an even more complicated job than I'm used to and I just cant cope with it.
I am so burned out I just want to run away somewhere and hide. It feels like I'm drowning but I'm not allowed reach the surface cos I have to stay in the place Im drowning. I feel trapped and scared. Every job makes me feel like this. Its like there is a wall in front of me that I physically cant push through but yet I am being made to keep trying to run through it over and over.
What do I do if I cant work though? I have been turned down for PIP twice and dont hold out much hope for Limited Capability to Work either. I am terrified of the Job Centre and going for weekly appoitments there causes me nearly as much anxiety as actually going to work.
I do freelance writing a lot but hardly ever manage to earn any money off it. Im good at it and I love it and I can do it from home but I think Ive earned £220 off it in the last 4 years so its hardly a stable income. I have two kids to support and rent to pay. We are on UC but they put pressure on me to work and we could lose it if I dont. My wife does a little bit of part time work but we have a baby so she cant do much as she looks after her most of the time.
Just dont know what to do. Is there anyway I can still earn enough money to support the family without having to go to a traditional workplace with bosses and expectations and noise and loads of people?
I also struggle with the concept of ‘traditional’ work. I used to work in catering but went from job to job as I couldn’t deal with people/authority. My longest job was in a care home where I had the kitchen to myself. I cooked for young adults – several were autistic. I had a great laugh with them. I wasn’t diagnosed at the time, but now realise we had a connection.
Anyway, I got sick of pub jobs and decided to make a career out of my hobby (martial arts). I trained as a Personal Trainer and set up a business which I took abroad for three years.
I also rediscovered a passion for writing and did a degree in English and creative writing throughout lockdown. I graduated last July and have been using sites such as Upwork, Fiverr etc., however, I find the lack of structure/unpredictability of work quite frustrating.
I also find working for others difficult. I made a website for someone who was happy with all the content. His daughter then stuck her snout in, and he wanted me to re-design everything. I was so offended that I ended the contract. I’m hypersensitive to criticism and can’t cope with being told what to do. I thought this would change as I got older, but I now know it’s an autistic trait. Therefore, I try and avoid any work that involves these situations.
Anyway, I’m starting another OU degree tomorrow (part-time). I love learning and the routine university gives me, but the thought of a regular job does not appeal to me one bit. I’m going to start personal training again as it’s a job I can do on my own terms.
If you can find something similar where you’re in control, then it’s worth exploring. Maybe TEFL – there're a lot of online opportunities. I considered it myself, but don’t think I have the patience to teach.
I don’t think I could ever have a ‘boss’ again. Whatever I do, I need full control of the situation which is why being a PT suited me.
Over the weekend i've been reading on 'The Money Shed' website, there's lot of talk there about the various opportunities to work from home, Fivrr was one of the things they talked about.
Have you tried working with animals rather than people? I think you've mentioned enjoying visiting your local zoo. Might there be any opportunities there?
If you believe the news reports lots of office workers are apparently still working from home. I don't know how easy it would be to get such a job and with two young children at home you might not want to!
Thanks for the tip. I didn't know there was website like Fiverr
What about English as a foreign language? It sounds like you have lots of experience and you could do the quicker, TEFL course or Award in Teaching and Learning level 3. That's enough usually for FE. But it's still stressful, it might just be different to schools. What about TA/ classroom or education support? Some "normal" jobs are hybrid working now, so you could WFH some of the week but I've yet to find them.
It's really hard when you feel stuck. Could the doctor sign you off for a bit under mental health? I don't know if NAS could help re PIP. There are charities out there other than CAB who support people with these applications but I don't know what they are, only my local ones. There's also Access To Work who might be able to give support.
I have been looking at something similar. There are platforms (websites) where you can sell your skills (Fiverr being one of them). People advertise their skills like ghostwriting, transcribing working on company profiles (like LinkedIn), lots of work that can be done at home on a laptop in your own time. I hope this helps
Could you do educational teaching videos on Yt? In the the begin might not get much but might take of n then u could do it full time. Yt works well for a lot o people
I was signed of from working so now so writing and thats working well 4 me atm. I try to use my interests n my skills to my advantage and make it work for me as work. Makes it more fun for me. I feel for u tho so many of us are in this situation and its not easy to deal with.
I really do feel for you because it's a horrible situation to find yourself in. A few months ago I was referred to the DWP Work & Health Programme, but found that my dealings with the third-party organisation who have the contract in my area, made my mental health considerably worse. I felt that I wasn't being heard, and was expected to run before I had learned to walk. As a result, my UC work coach urged me to obtain a fit note and go down the Work Capability Assessment (the only option available). Currently, I'm awaiting the dreaded assessment.
As AuTriker has said, would the private tuition route be a viable option for you?
Edited to add: Sorry, have just read your reply to AuTriker.
I could but usually you need a degree to offer than and I dont have one, Im an unqualified teacher
You're a teacher I think? Can you try offering private tuition, maybe online?