Lying about Autism at Work

I disclosed to my manager when I was diagnosed but I’m not sure it did much good. He was stumped and then said ´oh well we are all a bit autistic’.... I don’t think he has much understanding of autism. He did say they would support me but then essentially it never got mentioned again... I am struggling a lot at the moment but I am not sure how to ask for adjustments especially as I am still on probation and as I don’t think they would understand why I would need them ... and I have no energy for more stress and justifying...

I think I would feel bad about asking for adjustments - like a failure and liability or like i should be able to cope like everyone else (what would really help me is some more flexibility on what times i work- not less hours but just being able to go into work at less busy times and not having to be there all day if I am not needed, if i have a super long day the day before...etc). I try to tell myself i am entitled to ask because I need more support but it’s hard. I’m also worried about getting fired. 

I don’t think you did anything wrong by not disclosing- like Martin pointed out it is not a lie. 
If you think being fired is a significant risk if there is another incident, maybe it’s worth disclosing that you are autistic before that? Is your boss nice? Do you think he would be understanding? You should be protected by the Equality act as far as i understand... 

I understand not disclosing in the interview as a lot will make excuses why they don't want to hire you or just hide it under the BS generic "we felt at this time you were not suitable for the position" when really they are ableist dirt that wouldn't hire an autistic person. However now your foot is in the door you can disclose it  and if they suddenly decide to treat you badly, reduce your hours, or try to bully you out of the position or let you go because of your autism, etc you are protected under the equality act. If they do that then you can appeal to higher management or take legal action against them for unfair treatment. And once disclosed they do have to make some reasonable adjustment to help you perform your role as an employee.

(Edits to correct bad dyslexic errors.)

The link does not work, but you are all right they can't! It's more relieving on that part. To some extent...

I am mostly afraid of acting differently if they knew. Like a child without any consequence you know?

I agree with you. To answer your question, I chose this job because I wanted the experience, to work, to be in contract, to have a team, and to play a small part that is SO important in the restaurant and the customer's day. Sure: waitress was not... the best ideal position for someone like me. But one of the reasons I did disclose my diagnosis is that I feel uncertain about it.

But you are absolutely right: it is overwhelming. 

To be very honest, I told 1 of my colleague because I had an anxiety attack due to where we were serving (a wedding!) She was very considerate, although I did snap at her when I got reprimanded by my boss. Wish luck with the apology note! Autism is no excuse that is my whole problem if I do explain to the employer of my condition I might unconsciously feel I can behave like I normally do and they can't say or do anything about it! 

Them finding out is not such an issue NOW that I know there can't be legal consequences.  

Legally it is up to you whether or not you disclose a disability to a potential employer.  Also they cannot fire you for not disclosing a disability.  More information on the link below.

castleassociates.org.uk/.../do-you-have-to-declare-your-disability-to-your-employer 

The adjustments made at my last job, late 2018, really helped me. However, Interviews ALWAYS made me stutter.

Good evening, 

I have recently disclosed my diagnosis at work, but only with the personnel team. They have told me that the information stays with them, they will not share it with anyone without my consent, not even to my line manager. 

Disclosing this way means that work have to make reasonable adjustments to cater for my traits, but spares me from “workplace tittle-tattle”. 
It’s working out so far. 

As a matter of, possibly pedantic, fact you did not lie, as autism is not a mental condition, it is a neurodevelopmental condition, which is medically distinct. So, no need to feel any guilt on that score. 

Just curious if you chose this job or if someone suggested you might be good at it? 

We do live in a culture that if you wear a badge that says "I'm Autistic" you can be given a little extra room to be 'odd' OR terribly. I sometimes feel most of us shouldn't be in customer service in a NT society. We'd be amazing in a very Parisian cafe where the expectation is not a polite smile and small talk but precision and detail and a polite impersonal distance.

When I worked at a coffee bar, customers would request I made their drinks. But stuck behind the till just taking orders and dealing with money was overwhelming. 

Usually in these situations it's better to understand how being autistic is fantastic and dealing with NT society can be confusing. "My telepathy skills are wanting" or "It's more clear when you're direct" Help others help you. It's totally reasonable to withhold this information. But perhaps now is a good time to explain why you felt apprehensive about disclosing a diagnostic. Especially since most people don't understand how we thrive, and it's usually in ways therapists try to help NTs become. Direct, clear, not vague, intentional, helpful, understanding. These can come naturally to us and we might need someone to help teach us less abrasive ways to be in relation to others. 

Openness counts for everything. :) 

I wonder that if you plucked up courage and explained your autism, then your employer might well take this into consideration when a problem occurs.  There is more information available now than there used to be and you just might be lucky.  Better than constantly worrying about it perhaps.  I think you are brave to take on such a job and your colleagues mighjt well think so too, if you tried explaining it to them.  Good luck Kittera.

I’m in the same situation where I work. Before the interview stage you have to do a personality test. Well I had to lie to pass it. My honest answers would have been a fail. I got the job but chose not to tell them that I am autistic as I didn’t feel it was relevant. I also didn’t tell them that I have had anxiety in the past. My anxiety is now worse than it has ever been (due to something that happened at work) and I don’t feel I can tell them. If I were you I wouldn’t tell them unless it gets to the stage where they are going to fire you. Then I would explain to them that you are autistic and explain why you didn’t tell them then. If you do need help to do your job they are required to provide reasonable adjustments so you could approach it that way. And just say that you didn’t think that you needed to tell them as you didn’t want adjustments but now you realise that you do need them. 

Technically, it's a disability.

I didn't declare my disability whenever applying for a Government Job, in Belfast, nineteen years ago. In the end, it bit back at me. After my six-month probation, I was sacked; for incompetence.

Though, having said that, the experience of dealing with so much thrown at me made me stronger.

We're often informed that autism is not a 'mental illness', so maybe you haven't misled your employer.