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Lying about Autism at Work

Kittera

Hi,

This is the first time I write about this.

When going for my first job (as a waitress to give you an idea) the contract asked for any mental condition, I couldn't put I had autism down. It felt pointless to me to automatically put myself down as the black sheep. Nothing to do with shame but it felt that them knowing, I might react differently. It's been three months in employment and I am afraid of getting fired already because my autism is so well obvious. I've even avoided going to the dining hall because I am afraid my behaviour could scare the customers and I've been reprimanded by my boss twice due to my "rude behaviour" don't you know.

I am scared of what comes next.

The reason I am afraid to get fired is that I lied about my contract or that another unexplained incident about my behaviour could get me fired. And you can understand why I don't want to say "Hey I am autistic" as an excuse every time. I don't know what to do... when I am working, my autism and behaviour are all I can think of. 

Any advice on how to deal with this?

Parents

  • I disclosed to my manager when I was diagnosed but I’m not sure it did much good. He was stumped and then said ´oh well we are all a bit autistic’.... I don’t think he has much understanding of autism. He did say they would support me but then essentially it never got mentioned again... I am struggling a lot at the moment but I am not sure how to ask for adjustments especially as I am still on probation and as I don’t think they would understand why I would need them ... and I have no energy for more stress and justifying...

    I think I would feel bad about asking for adjustments - like a failure and liability or like i should be able to cope like everyone else (what would really help me is some more flexibility on what times i work- not less hours but just being able to go into work at less busy times and not having to be there all day if I am not needed, if i have a super long day the day before...etc). I try to tell myself i am entitled to ask because I need more support but it’s hard. I’m also worried about getting fired. 

    I don’t think you did anything wrong by not disclosing- like Martin pointed out it is not a lie. 
    If you think being fired is a significant risk if there is another incident, maybe it’s worth disclosing that you are autistic before that? Is your boss nice? Do you think he would be understanding? You should be protected by the Equality act as far as i understand... 

Reply

  • I disclosed to my manager when I was diagnosed but I’m not sure it did much good. He was stumped and then said ´oh well we are all a bit autistic’.... I don’t think he has much understanding of autism. He did say they would support me but then essentially it never got mentioned again... I am struggling a lot at the moment but I am not sure how to ask for adjustments especially as I am still on probation and as I don’t think they would understand why I would need them ... and I have no energy for more stress and justifying...

    I think I would feel bad about asking for adjustments - like a failure and liability or like i should be able to cope like everyone else (what would really help me is some more flexibility on what times i work- not less hours but just being able to go into work at less busy times and not having to be there all day if I am not needed, if i have a super long day the day before...etc). I try to tell myself i am entitled to ask because I need more support but it’s hard. I’m also worried about getting fired. 

    I don’t think you did anything wrong by not disclosing- like Martin pointed out it is not a lie. 
    If you think being fired is a significant risk if there is another incident, maybe it’s worth disclosing that you are autistic before that? Is your boss nice? Do you think he would be understanding? You should be protected by the Equality act as far as i understand... 

Children
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