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Lying about Autism at Work

Kittera

Hi,

This is the first time I write about this.

When going for my first job (as a waitress to give you an idea) the contract asked for any mental condition, I couldn't put I had autism down. It felt pointless to me to automatically put myself down as the black sheep. Nothing to do with shame but it felt that them knowing, I might react differently. It's been three months in employment and I am afraid of getting fired already because my autism is so well obvious. I've even avoided going to the dining hall because I am afraid my behaviour could scare the customers and I've been reprimanded by my boss twice due to my "rude behaviour" don't you know.

I am scared of what comes next.

The reason I am afraid to get fired is that I lied about my contract or that another unexplained incident about my behaviour could get me fired. And you can understand why I don't want to say "Hey I am autistic" as an excuse every time. I don't know what to do... when I am working, my autism and behaviour are all I can think of. 

Any advice on how to deal with this?

Parents

  • Just curious if you chose this job or if someone suggested you might be good at it? 

    We do live in a culture that if you wear a badge that says "I'm Autistic" you can be given a little extra room to be 'odd' OR terribly. I sometimes feel most of us shouldn't be in customer service in a NT society. We'd be amazing in a very Parisian cafe where the expectation is not a polite smile and small talk but precision and detail and a polite impersonal distance.

    When I worked at a coffee bar, customers would request I made their drinks. But stuck behind the till just taking orders and dealing with money was overwhelming. 

    Usually in these situations it's better to understand how being autistic is fantastic and dealing with NT society can be confusing. "My telepathy skills are wanting" or "It's more clear when you're direct" Help others help you. It's totally reasonable to withhold this information. But perhaps now is a good time to explain why you felt apprehensive about disclosing a diagnostic. Especially since most people don't understand how we thrive, and it's usually in ways therapists try to help NTs become. Direct, clear, not vague, intentional, helpful, understanding. These can come naturally to us and we might need someone to help teach us less abrasive ways to be in relation to others. 

    Openness counts for everything. :) 

Reply

  • Just curious if you chose this job or if someone suggested you might be good at it? 

    We do live in a culture that if you wear a badge that says "I'm Autistic" you can be given a little extra room to be 'odd' OR terribly. I sometimes feel most of us shouldn't be in customer service in a NT society. We'd be amazing in a very Parisian cafe where the expectation is not a polite smile and small talk but precision and detail and a polite impersonal distance.

    When I worked at a coffee bar, customers would request I made their drinks. But stuck behind the till just taking orders and dealing with money was overwhelming. 

    Usually in these situations it's better to understand how being autistic is fantastic and dealing with NT society can be confusing. "My telepathy skills are wanting" or "It's more clear when you're direct" Help others help you. It's totally reasonable to withhold this information. But perhaps now is a good time to explain why you felt apprehensive about disclosing a diagnostic. Especially since most people don't understand how we thrive, and it's usually in ways therapists try to help NTs become. Direct, clear, not vague, intentional, helpful, understanding. These can come naturally to us and we might need someone to help teach us less abrasive ways to be in relation to others. 

    Openness counts for everything. :) 

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    I agree with you. To answer your question, I chose this job because I wanted the experience, to work, to be in contract, to have a team, and to play a small part that is SO important in the restaurant and the customer's day. Sure: waitress was not... the best ideal position for someone like me. But one of the reasons I did disclose my diagnosis is that I feel uncertain about it.

    But you are absolutely right: it is overwhelming.