Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been dipping into Autistimatic videos on YT ever since someone on here (Maurisz I think?) kindly posted a link one day. Was just watching the one on ‘what’s so difficult about being autistic?’ And while it is, as ever, excellently presented and validating in many respects, one thing made me feel deeply uncomfortable. The presenter’s assumption that those of us on stable employment sit in agony as we watch others get promoted, wishing we could be them.
This made me feel very unseen as someone who has come to realise that I’m at the maximum comfortable level of responsibility/duties for me, and suited ‘only’ to an exclusively reactive (not delegatory or innovative) role. I have found a perfect niche and would hate to give that up for any amount of ‘status’ (who cares about that?) or money (always nice to have more but if you’re miserable/stressed and in danger of being sacked for being a square peg… what’s the point?) and yet the guy just puts everyone into an actually fairly NT box- conventionally aspirational but confounded due to our differences coming under prejudiced scrutiny only. As someone who has, against my better instincts (and often only in response to ‘you’d be mad not to..’ comments from those who’d stop thinking about that pronouncement mere seconds later while I let the implied weight of expectation torture me for weeks) applied for higher grade posts in the past - not something I plan to do again any time soon, and probably ever- only to not succeed I actually believe that the interviewing system worked well in my case, weeding out my tendency towards abstraction when trying to conceptualise coping in a world of macro-view pragmatism, and favouring those who could come in with concise bullet points laying out a ‘this is what I will do’ strategy with no problem whatsoever. Should I feel it was an injustice or a mercy? I’m strongly inclined towards feeling the latter, especially since diagnosis. Is it ok to feel this way? Is it pathetic to do so, even in supposed safe spaces like here?
Does anyone on here identify with what I’m saying or am I a lone voice and total weirdo? Just authentic agreement please, or disagreement of course, about whether it’s ok to think/feel as I do. Freaking out slightly here after watching something that I thought would’ve inclusive of me rather than making me an outsider even among outsiders. Not the presenter’s intention… I think? I’m confused to be honest! Am I abnormally autistic so to speak? Am I ‘doing it wrong’ by lacking ambition to transcend my best fit?
well .. its complicated... because at first we dont want a job, we consider it a waste of life and see it as not living and just throwing your lifes time away because society says so, so alot of us struggle to even get into work or get past the thought of it.... but then when we luckily get into work, we either quit, or if we got past that quitting phase and begin to forge a life, in my experience i dont care about promotion.... i more care about job stability.... but yes, promotion can make your job more stable and make it so when they need to let staff go youd be safe as your promoted above others so the lower downs will get sacked first. but security is the only real reason to want promotion, pay is never really that much of a upgrade... work is usually less though as all the higher up positions get lazier and lazier while all the lower down work positions do all the hard graft.
so if you want easier job doing less work for a tiny bit more pay and much more job security then yes youd want a promotion.
It’s only easier ‘up there’ if you can innovate, delegate, and be proactive. And be a bit of a blue skies thinker. As well as being responsible (usually) for appraising and coordinating others. I have no more hope of becoming instinctively (or even via practice) good at that than getting to the moon. I accept it, I’m glad to have fully understood it (and why), and I even feel gratitude that that is not to be my fate.
So in fact I think most high-ups earn their pay (not in every sphere of course) via a stress and responsibility ratio way in excess of anything I could handle. It’s no walk in the park for sure.