Published on 12, July, 2020
I've recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I am a retired electro/mechanical technician who has served in a number of industries here and abroad as well as the military, so my experiences are wide but always were in connection with positions where operational tasks could be performed alone. I am looking for an adult group I can continue to try to assimilate into as fitting into a group has been a trial for me since childhood. Added to my "oddness" is my American accent having been raised in New York City. This instantly has put me on a weak footing to be warmly welcomed and engaged with, complemented by my own "standoffishness" that has become my deeply ingrained defence mechanism here in Norfolk/Suffolk, a very conservative region where I have lived since 1971. Over this time, I have experienced repetitive failed attempts to engage with social groups. This includes negative outcomes with the U3A, Odd Fellows, and Lions where one "gentleman" who originated in Vietnam, stated he has had great pleasure in killing Americans during that conflict. So, --- my question to you is am I destined to die a misfit, or do you think there may be some salvation for me through a suitable adult group I can feel at ease with supported by the knowledge they are just as odd as I am or, am I to continue on this lonely path of social rejection.
NAS83898,
It sounds like you are indeed successful with relationships since you've had two longterm partners which's great!
I'm divorced and the main carer for my Autistic daughter who's amazing! She sees her Daddy reasonably regularly much to her dismay but it's important she maintains that contact. I'm sure when she's 16 she'll see him at little as possible. It's pretty sad really but I think it's just the kind of person he is...
I'm accepting that I may be on my own now because I abhor online dating despite having some shorter relationships from it. It's just not for me. It causes me more upset than joy. I'm sure if I'm meant to meet someone, it'll happen another way.
I have friends but often feel that I am the one instigating the contact even when my friends are very happy to hear from me. That said, now I've become less "needy" and stopped contacting folks as much, they are now contacting me so it can't be as bad as I perceive it in my own mind.
Does your partner know you feel this way about people? Do they have friends?
Yes, I respect you're in the top %1, and recognize how "converted" you are ---well done! It's early day's yet to expect further responses to my initial plea so soon. The more the merrier. Regarding your own ASD what slice of the pie are you?
If you look at "all" the details on my profile and all of my previous contributions here, you will note that you are most definitely preaching to the converted!
Thanks for the welcoming. One has to be careful with interpersonal connections over the internet. Part of my NYC upbringing that remains with me is a high order of self-preservation from that environment where one must always inwardly ask oneself "what's this guy after". I know I left the "Big Apple" a long time ago, but old habits die hard, and I find it extremely difficult to let my guard down to relax enough. Yes, I plan to stick around a bit more and hopefully learn to relax more --- always with due diligence!
I've always been a "hands on" practical guy.
Good afternoon NAS83898. I have only ever really felt part of an "adult group" through work.....and then NT hierarchical factors always somewhat spoil the potential for genuine community connection. I do not intend to retire because of this connection that it offers to me. I am extremely comfortable interacting with others when we have a shared common interest and I have special expertise and competencies in that interest so that I can help.
The "gentleman" whom you mention above is a sad and small minded little hick - give him no more thought apart from pity if you can muster that.
In the meanwhile, I can report that this place is a community of adults with whom I feel a great deal of connection. OK, so it is not "in person" but it is most definitely "interpersonal" in terms of the connections. This place is of great value to me.
99% of the time everything is friendly and calm. I like that very much..... although someone will inevitably challenge you on the use of "high functioning" and "with" in terms of autism.
You are very welcome here and I hope you will stick around to share more of your (inevitably) interesting life to date.
Kind regards
What's your story?
My blood family (all New Yorkers) are all gone. I married an English Rose while based in the UK. It's a long story after my return to and from NYC with her. I reluctantly had to give up a job I loved to return back here in 1971. We were together for 12 years, then she left me with two sons. I remarried and took on two more youngsters, now adults, and we are still together. It's been quite a ride!
Awesome! I had a Jewish science teacher who was brilliant! I think you come across very well in text and I'm sure if you were around other Autistic that you may feel more comfortable? I feel much more comfortable around quirky people and always have. Do you have family nearby?
Thanks for your reply. I am Jewish and I do not hate Germans having been based in Germany for a brief period while in the military. Unfortunately for me I have had a lifetime of consistent negative encounters so it must be my social inability to properly read signals with an appropriate response. If this location can continue with the sort of understanding you have kindly displayed, then there may be salvation for me yet!
P.S. A reminder that the "gentleman" I referred to was a war enemy of the South Vietnamese government who requested help and protection from the North Vietnamese communist regime with the help of and invitation to the U.S. military, similar to the invitation from the Afghan government for U.K. military assistance. I personally hold no grudge against the North Vietnamese people including this "gentleman" who found it necessary to insult me in front of that chapter of Lions.
Oh no!!! That's really not good at all! I'd say that the person who made those comments is not worthy of your consideration!! How awful!! I do also think that some people have had so many bad experiences with specific people that they "tar everyone with the same brush" so to speak. I have met some nasty people of all nationalities as well as some wonderful people but I am sure I have prejudice in me without even realising it. I don't like people who are nasty and aggressive but equally I try to think of the reason behind their anger. Perhaps this gentleman you speak of has had only bad experiences with US people so now has difficulty seeing everyone as an individual. I often wonder if I was Jewish if I'd hate Germans.....
I find this community very supportive and engaging as well as honest. I hope you find that too here and elsewhere. :-)