Published on 12, July, 2020
I hate small talk. I hate that I can't grasp it. I hate how people randomly foist it on me. What's up with that!? I've been online shopping since Covid19 started but I decided to get out and give a small shop ago. It went ok. I was anxious but I coped and then came the till...... the woman started talking to me like we were good friends.... said about the weather, Christmas, even her cat Boris! I feel drained now. I feel an idiot for being unable to participate in her small talk. All I said was yes, no... mmm... Small talk, one of life's little mysteries.
I don't like it and I don't enjoy it. I taught myself to do it in my 20s, as a misguided attempt to fit into the workplace. On the outside I may be smiling and nodding. However on the inside every fibre of my being is screaming "how can I escape this conversation"
Since my diagnosis I engage less and less in any small talk, since it is masking which I do not want to continue doing. In shops I just nod and don't even attempt a reply. I find that wearing visible headphones or earbuds / earplugs can act as an effective deterrent to any attempts at small talk.
Don't blame you man I need to start doing that. After small talk and any kind of social interaction I'm wrecked from the trying to process everything and the masking that comes with it.