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goodbye life

KJ1234

this week has started to get worse as I'm writing this i have a plan of doing suicide tomorrow. basically this is what happened. this morning i actually was feeling suicidal and went to college as i  thought i will have a normal day near the end at 2pm i laughed at my friends dyslexic writing which i didn't mean , and then i started to feel suicidal and i called my mental health while i accidently wrote another bad email and my lecturer called me and said come and speak to me so i prayed and went and spoke to her didn't make me feel better even when i talked to my mental health team in college. i went to the library for 1h and then went and bought groceries for my family + a present for my f*********** father and all came out £22 something as if that wasn't bad my parents called and swore and said go and return or else so i did . got home and they screamed you're grounded for what well never mentioned this here . i did the most eviliest thing last month and cut my sisters doll and now my mom mend it and they would'nt even care if i did suicide today . now i need to restart my phone bye

  • I'd felt like this in 2019 where was unwell with the flu and bullying. When I was told wasn't needed due to extra small delivery,  was in a very bad state and wanted to drown myself. One day I felt suicidal in the workplace and couldn't tell anyone. Had to go in the next day. 

    As usual nobody helped me. I like to keep things private as town spreads news fast. 

    I was there for a very long time and people don't understand what I've been through. 

    That's why I'd started to write things down.

    Rarely tell people this. Ought to be brave and tell more people. This had to remain in confidence. 

    In a nutshell. 

  • Please know that you are loved and cared for more than you realise.

    I don’t know you but I do care. I wish I could give you a big hug right now because I feel like you need one today.

    Please, please, please call the Samaritans so you can talk to somebody when you’re feeling suicidal. Just having someone on the other end of the phone is a big help. Hearing their voice and that they understand is a real comfort and I think you need that. But please don’t end your life. Suicide is never the answer to our problems. It leaves so much pain and suffering, the people in your life would never forget it and would never be happy again. It shatters life like glass in to a thousand pieces and that can’t be repaired back to how it was. I always think of this and my own mental health struggles like a glass, when I feel the glass is getting weaker I call Samaritans for a chat because I know I’m nearing breaking point. That might help you in the future if you think of it the same way.

    Just remember that you’re not in this alone. Lots of lovely people here care deeply about you and that includes me as well.

    You are stronger than you think and you WILL get through this. Darkness isn’t forever. The sun is on its way.

    Hugs.

  • Yes they would care. And it's hard for us to help because we aren't physically there. But we care. You need to reach out to someone now and make them understand that you are experiencing this in tandum with autism. 

    Meanwhile, distant as we are keep reaching out to us.

  • The pain your parents and sister feel over a broken doll and any bitterness in your family around you will be as nothing compared to the pain and bitterness if you kill your self.

    your life is full of pain and confusion, why make permeant choices when your head isn’t clear. You feel you can’t go on with life as it is now. I offer you a 3rd way. Run away. Book a hotel if you have the money. Couch surf with a friend. Sleep on a park bench even. Get away from your family and your course and all the pressures you can’t deal with.

    unplug yourself from the world till the noise quietens and you’re alone with yourself. Then a new perspective on life may come to you. Maybe even a new path forward in life.

  • Please dont kill yourself, we are all here to support you. Ive been in that position and I realised I didnt want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. If you stay alive you will look back in the future and be so glad you didnt do this

    Please you are not alone, you have a family on here that want to support you

    Call the Samaritans too, they have helped me and others before