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Please Help...!

Marty78

Hello,

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the end of 2012 following a "mini-breakdown" at work due to extreme stress of moving within the business to a new propety and an overbearing manager who had cornered me in my office and started to shaout at me. Before my diagnosis i was entered into a disciplinary procedure called a PIP or Performance Improvement Plan which i failed and was given an informal warning. I have been on PIP after PIP and have been recieving warnings ever since.

Each PIP and disciplinary hearing involved question after question being thrown at me in quick succession to which i was unable to give any thought to or answer and then made to sign a warning notice each time. I once dissagreed with the content after reflection and when told to sign my last PIP refused as i did not agree with some parts of it. My manager then called in another manager to whom she has previously had intimate relations with and he told me that i had no choice and must sign it saying that my issues with it would be cleared up before the end of the PIP which they have not.

I have also recieved an email from my manager to me only containing a joke about mental health, which i will not repeat on here due to it's distasteful content, titled "Happy Mental Health Day" which at the end stated "Happy Mental Health Day! You can do your part by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...  Done my part!!!"

During the start of one of the PIP meetings both my manager and her manager both made lewd comments about a woman that i had been on my first date with due to the quantity of children she has and a few weeks later recieved a phone call internally to my office from my managers manager with further derogatory remarks about her after seeing a picture of my date on facebook!

I removed all management from my facebook after this phone call and was unable to enter the office for several days due to how angry i was.

My manager and her manager have both made me feel like they are trying to get rid of me and now they have been through my facebook page and now i am being called into a disciplineary hearing for gross misconduct. I have seen my friends and shown them everything and they say that there is nothing in the comments for the company to act upon. The thing that i am extremely worried about is that when it comes to the hearing i will be unable to defend myself as one of my friends described me as "a rabbit in the headlights" when i am quizzed or questioned and when stressed am unable to think straight and my mind goes blank so i always end up agreeing with everything said just to make it go away in the hope that they will just shut up and leave me alone!

I have attended 8 counselling sessions with a counsellor assigned by the company's Employee assistance program in which i told my counsellor some of these things and she told me to keep a record in a diary of anything that happens which i have done thus far.

I have been in my job for over 5 and a half years and have never had any disciplinary previous to moving to the new site but have been constantly told by my manager that i am lacking in confidence in every appraisal and to my face. I am not lacking in confidence i just don't know what to say sometimes to i keep to myself and don't see the point in telling the world of my confidence levels.

I am now so stressed out that i am not sleeping, eating very little and when i do eat i just feel sick.

If i lose my job then i lose my flat that i have just moved into, any prospect with the woman i have been dating (my first attempt at a relationship in 8 years!).

I feel like i am beginning to fall apart again and don't want to as i've worked hard to get to where i am and do not feel that i could recover a second time :(

Is there anyone that can help me please......

  • Hello :)

    An update on things...

    I went into the hearing and was so nervous that i couldn't stop shaking, i took a work colleauge in with me, a section manager from another department that i trust.

    I explained to him that if he sees me struggling then he would need to suggest to me that i had a short recess to calm down and collect my thoughts. i ended up having several... Things didn't go as i had planned but i got some of my point accross and also had a 2 page letter of grievence which i ended up giving them after managing to convince them that the disciplinary was in my opinion linked to the string of grievences, i had a short break to collect my thoughts and then went back into the room and they read the letter, they then told me that for future reference i should have come foward much sooner with the grievences but i explained that i had been advised by a councellor to keep a diary and collect everything that was happening. They susspended the hearing until further notice and said that they could not continue until the grievences had been investigated. i know i still have to go in again for the hearing but at least now the harrassment should stop, i think that using words like duty of care, harassment, continued campagne against me and discrimination in the letter along with a print out of the email may have caught their attention (all words my friend suggested:))

    Thank you every one for your replies of help, i was not able to get in contact with an advocate but my colleauge did well to support me i think. i also had a meeting with 2 very nice people from sussex autism too before the hearing and was extremely embarrassed at losing control in front of them and getting teary :(

    I feel that all of this is going to create a very big mess and headache for the human resources people which i feel bad about as they're a very nice team of ladies but i have been past being able to cope with the way things have gone for a long time.

    Anyway i'm going to stop typing now before i bore everyone.

    Thank you again :)

    Marty x

  • I have asked a work colleague who is a manager in another department and that i trust and also knows his stuff on the diciplinary process.

    I have also been to the CAB and they have given me advice on what to do and say and how to present what i want and need to get accross, they have also advised me to raise a grievence against my manager for discrimination and harrasment due to the time passed since advising of diagnosis and no reasonable adjustments being made to date. they also advised me that i have a very strong case for a tribuneral for both things and should let the company know this.

    The lady read my facebook conversation and the company social media policy and said that there is nothing that i have said that breaches their own policy and that this disciplinary hearing is unjustified let alone a push for gross misconduct and that from what i told her and what she has seen that it looks to her like i am being pushed around because of not being able to stand up for my self very well. She also said that if i persent myself at the hearing with a large amount of the "ammo" that i have it will scare them into doing things correctly although it may also make it very difficult for me to have any future within the company. That doesn't make me feel so bad though as at least it will be highlighted and hopefully make them think twice about doing this to anyone else in the future. I wouldn't wish all ive been through the last couple of years on anyone, not even my manager :(

    I've also been offered a chance at an apprentiship elsewhere yesterday which pleases me immensely and means i have nothing to lose by bringing everything to light in this way. I only hope i can hold it together at the hearing and not freeze up and let them walk all over me Undecided And i'll not sleep at all tonight, i'm so wound up and worried, i've still got to get through 11 hours of my shift before the hearing! Foot in Mouth

    Thanks everyone for your advice and i will let you know what happens when i get home from work. I have everything written up and i am as prepared as i can be :)

    Marty

  • Hello explorer,

    It is just my team that has these hours Frown

    Do you know if i can take a friend as my advocate?

    The letter from work only says a work colleague or a union representative only, another friend suggested i join a union and get a union representative to go

  • Hi again,

    I don't know if it helps, but you seem to be doing all the right things, which takes a lot of courage.

    Re your meeting on Wednesday. If you send them an email saying that due to your disability you have decided to have an advocate with you at the meeting, they cannot refuse, or they will be proving that they are discriminating. That is why it is best to do it by email, as it gives you proof. Then contact an advocacy organisation and ask if an advocate can attend the meeting on Wednesday. If they can't - ask if the advocate can contact your work and arrange a more convenient date for the meeting (that way, the pressure is off you). 

    You have the right to see all written communication about yourself, so if you want to see the communication between HR, your manager and anyone else, I suggest you send an email to HR, tell them that you know it is your right and say that you want a copy of this communication. Or you could email the specialist and ask for it, but that might take longer.

    The shift pattern sounds horrible - does everyone have to work these shifts? 

    Good luck with Citizens Advice - keep talking to us too.Smile

  • Thank you both.

    I am going to citizens advice on Tuesday with a friend.

    Yes i did tell them more or less as soon as i recieved my diagnosis, I gave the OHN permission to contact the lady that diagnosed me as i sorted out getting diagnosed off of my own back but from what i understand a lady from HR and my manager both contacted her too which i had not given my permission to do, they both told me afterwards that i could see all communications to and from the specialist but then when i actually asked for them they refused and said that the lady that diagnosed me have given them nothing worth using towards reasonable adjustments so they completely reordered my work schedule and now PIP me against it, needless to say i can't follow it and am being failed repeatedly.

    I'll see about an advocate as i am not very good at standing up for myself and i think they know this. My disciplinary is on Wednesday so i may have trouble getting an advocate by then i think. I may tell them on wednesday that i am not going to sit in this disciplinary alone and request it to be postponed until i can get an advocate, am i allowed to do that?

    As far as stress goes now i think i've decided in my head that after going through all this for so long that i'm just plain tired of it all :(

    I'm going to fight this all though as i don't think i could sleep at night at all knowing that if this is happening to me then they could do it to someone else after me so They're going to see exactly how confident i am and then once it's all clear and sorted I'll say good bye, i can't work for a company or people that i have had such bad experiences or such a damaged trust for :(

    My friend suggested today that the poor sleep and eating may also be down to the extremely complex shift pattern that i have to work to as i am unable to settle into any kind of sleep or eating pattern. It's a 3 shift rota over and 8 week period at 12 hours per shift, 2 weeks nights 6-6 2 weeks twighlight 12-12 and 4 weeks days 6-6.

  • Hi Marty,

    What a terrible situation to be in. Please continue to keep a record of any emails or paperwork between you and your managers, as well as recording verbal incidents. it seems as though you are being bullied at work, which is illegal. 

    Do they know you have AS? If so, they might also be guilty of disability discrimination, based on the email you said you received on Mental Health day.

    The NAS's Prospects service might be able to help you with information about this and advice about what you can do. http://www.autism.org.uk/prospects

    And I agree with Lou31 - you would benefit by having an advocate with you when you go into any meetings about your work performance. that is your right, and they cannot deny it to you. You might find an advocate in your area through the local resources on the NAS website, or you could contact your local authority mental health team and ask about it. When you get called into a meeting, all you need to do is tell them you would like to have your advocate with you, then call them and they can sort out the time with your work.

    In the meantime, if stress is affecting your health, your GP might be able to help you, as you'll get ill if you don't eat or sleep properly. 

  • What an awful situation for you to be in.  I'm not surprised that you feel stressed out.  Unfortunately I don't really have anything to offer in the way of help.  I think if it were me I'd be looking very closely at laws in relation to discriminating in the workplace.  I also think you need to have some sort of advocate - if it were me I'd refuse to go to any further meetings with these people without someone(on your side) present.  I'm pretty sure people aren't allowed to make you feel like that in the workplace and really hope you kept a copy of that highly offensive email joke.  Yeah, I'd definately get legal advice if you are able to access it.  Can NAS help?