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Broken family relationships

NAS81690

My dad and most of his family emotionally neglected me, ignored me, controlled me to be a certain way and silenced me for speaking up and denied and rejected a lot of things about my health. When I told mDisappointed relievedy dad I'm waiting for an autism assessment he reacted badly, telling me it's all in my head and he wouldn't read the information I gave him. My brother didn't say much either he didn't know much about it and he's always been negative and insensitive towards Disappointed relievedme. I suspect other family members also have autistic traits. They made my health worse constantly triggering me and I realized I can't make them accept me or understand me so I ended up cutting ties or limiting contact with a lot of them. I feel like I've been emotionally/ psychologically abused by my own family and it hurts. I'm grieving that I never had a supportive loving family. I'm not sure if getting a diagnosis will change things or if my family will ever understand and accept me. I'm worried I'll be lonely for most of my life. I only have a few family members I feel comfortable around but they don't fully understand or believe I'm autisic. 

  • I'm sorry, this must feel so awful. You deserve to be accepted for who you are, but unfortunately those around you don't sound up to it. A diagnosis may help your family understand, but it may not, tHearthey may not be prepared to support you as you need. You can't choose your family, but you can seek out like-minded people. There are often local support groups (IRL, via Zoom and online) you could find, because there will be other people out there who feel as you do, due to the ignorance of others, and maybe they can help. Sending love Heart️

  • JT said:
    Families are often disfunctional

    an outcome of a disfunctional society, yet everyone who can change something keeps their head in a sand, and everyone who dares to speak up is silenced

     you're not a bad person, and you need to focus on your own needs first, it's obvious your family won't move a finger to do that

    it's hard to stop believing in what we were made to belief, and what we think we need, like family, friends, social status

    it turns out autistic are capable of living without those, and they are doing even better than if they had those

  • I know it is tough to see because it hurts, but these are their own failings.brheir ignorance is the issue. I have same in my family.

    Given how you feel it is time to focus on yourself. I'm not sure how old you are from this post, but if you are self supporting and financially independent then you need to prioritise yourself.

    The one person who can support you and you can count on everyday is yourself. Make good choices with your best interests at heart, self care, meditate, eat well, and make your own life full of colour and light by doing and surrounding yourself with that which you love. Then when you feel good maybe then reach out and see if they want to be included into your world; rather than you needing to be part of there's?

    It is so hard i know, but you are worthy of your own care, and theirs too. But sometimes people have their own issuesthat we can fix, they gave to do this in their own as well.

    Families are often disfunctional, it's just a tough part of social dynamics

  • in reply to Guru

    Do you think people with autism have good character?

  • How awful for you ! You can choose friends, but not family. Autistic kids are an obvious target for familial bullying - siblings sense a weakness that can be exploited, parents reflect their own insecurities. Getting a diagnosis won't necessarily change that or make your family members rethink their behaviour though, even though it might help you understand more about yourself. There's more to life than family though. If I had a recommendation, it would be not to cut off contact completely, and always leave a door open for communication, but only on your terms. If it's clear you calmly and rationally won't tolerate abusive behaviour and that communication has to be respectful, then that dynamic can change. Don't forget our family are only one part of our social circle - overcoming isolation, doing other things, pursuing our passions, doing meaningful work we enjoy, can bring friends, colleagues and contacts that can build our own circle around us, people that we choose to be with, and choose to be with us.   

  • My adoptive mother suspected I had autism I was diagnosed when I was 13 years old and it was a very hard time for me to cope and it made me sad to accept the terms of the diagnosis. 

    What your dad did and your family is despicable behaviour and will only cause further issues for you in later life as this might cause depression/abandoment issues/anxiety which is what you don't need but this can be scary and annoying to live with. Why would your Dad react badly? 

  • My mum has denied my son's diagnostic for years, she has the same denial of emotions you describe from your family members. For some people emotions and the struggle that comes with it, is a pandora box they are scared to open as they should face their own. People who do not accept themselves cannot accept others as they are. I am sorry, it's hard to be rejected by parents when facing troubles.

  • Sounds bad - commiserations.  When did all this happen to you?  How long have you been isolated from that side of your family?

  • They feel like s**t, themselves; then take it out on you.

    My Gran never came to terms with my Autism, but she knew I had it. She never coped well with grief and disappointment.